In Laws Keeping the Baptism Gifts

[OctaviaWS12]

So, last week was our sons baptism, hosted in France (the country where my DH is from however we live in England ). (My inlaws insisted it be hosted here). Anyway, our son was very lucky and received lots of lovely gifts from his relatives. However, two gifts in particular caused issues. From a friend of the family, he received a hand crafted silver picture frame (worth quite a bit of money!) . My in laws say that it has to stay in their house, so that the person who gifted it can see it and they can enjoy it. However, we don’t see our in laws very often as they are ‘busy’, maybe twice a year. In addition, they said that we would have to decide together who takes the gold and silver gifts
home, as they want to keep some as a ‘memento’ of the baptism. Am I unreasonable for asking to take all of them home? To where DS lives ? As the gifts were for him. In addition, my husband works away a lot and I’m often caring for my DS alone, and with the help of my parents. I’m concerned that if they stay with my in laws, he will never see them.

The passport advice is good as long as your ds doesn’t have a French passport, which isn’t that likely, I imagine, given he’s so little. The only way your husband can apply for a French passport for your ds is if he takes him to the consulate in London. Or could he have done so on this trip to France? He will have needed to take your ds to the Mairie - town hall.

I imagine you don’t have dual nationality op. Please be careful to keep your passport up to date. As you’re only early 20s I imagine this isn’t an issue atm. But the rules are your British passport for EU rules expires 10 years from the date of issue (ignore the expiry date) and you must have a minimum of 3 months on the passport, ergo it must be less than 9 years and 9 months old to travel.

If your husband gets your ds an EU passport, they can travel to France any date until expiry, whereas you cannot.

Your husband is behaving like a man with very little honour and even littler balls.

Grow some you fuck wit and stand up for the mother of your child. You are a disgrace.

My daughter is the same age as you, and I can assure you that both my dh and I (and her grandparents) would tell her to leave before it’s too late, because those red flags are too big too big to ignore.

As someone married (for 38+ years) to someone from France, I can't recognise the behaviour of the French family here from my own experiences. But I would strongly urge OctaviaWS12 to put in place safeguards over both her resources (e.g. any joint accounts) and to protect her son - after all, should her husband's family decide the marriage is failing I wouldn't put it past them to 'persuade' your husband to take your son abroad without your permission. This baptism should show you exactly where your husband's loyalties lie.

Smile and tell them the gifts were for your child so all of them are coming home with you…tell them it’s a strict British tradition!

Ignore them. They can tell their friends that you love the gifts and maybe send a photo of the frame in a lovely position in your home. Honestly, what a bloody cheek.

Wow, just wow!! You need to take them home. My DM gifted my DD a silver (inexpensive) frame for her communion and we had a duplicate so DM kept it herself with a photo we gave her from the day. But that was our choice. All baptism gifts we kept in a lovely memory box and once the DC have got older they have started to wear some of the silver/gold items. Same with communion gifts. Got slightly tricky by communion as DH became Ex DH so it does now become a thing that he keeps a lot of gifts from his side of the family at his house and me mine. But they often make their way over here anyway!! Lol. The only time we’ve ever not kept gifts is on Christmas when DC were quite young my DM would specifically buy a small pile of presents for the DC for her house as she was looking after them a lot. They got opened there either on Christmas or Boxing Day depending on where we were for each. But as they’ve got older they bring all gifts home now as they don’t need special toys there anymore.

Very good advice.

Why on earth do your in laws need to 'enjoy' a gift that was bought for your child?
They sound nuts.

By doing this there is a big chance they won’t get to enjoy their grandchild irl..

It's your child's gift. Bring it back

I'd laugh my tits off if my in laws tried something like that.

Then I'd say "Oh,you were being serious" before laughing my tits off again.

I'm absolutely appalled at you in laws and I think this is possibly the most mental thread I've ever read! As someone who has recently fled domestic abuse and coercive control good for you you walking away and not accepting this treatment for yourself and your son. I suspect some tricky times ahead and some tricky conversations but be clear in your boundaries and stick to them. Good luck lovely and thank the Lord your wee boy has a sane mother who looks out for him xx

Wtaf your Dh needs to man up & tell Dmummy & Ddaddy to wind their necks in the baptism was for his son & the gifts were for his son not them they can have all the mementoes they want in the form of photos not in the gifts given to him… what are you supposed to do every Christmas & birthday send a proportion of his gifts to them?? I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous or selfish!!

It is just odd really ..the gifts are for your child not them!

I imagine since your DH clearly comes from a very traditional family then your MIL is thinking of the frame as an heirloom to be handed down rather than actually trying to nick it. And some nice casual racism upthread, too. I mean based on MN, you could just as easily say don't marry a British man, they're all lazy dirty cheating arseholes.

I'd tell him not to bother coming back unless he brings every gift. And if he turns up without them, tell him to leave.

Also, send thank you notes to everyone, and tell the gift givers whose gifts you havent got, that their gifts have been stolen by pil.

Shame them as publicly as possible. Give NO fucks.

I would take the time to write to each gift giver, a lovely thank-you note, including the information that the in-laws are keeping the gifts. Find a way to say it in a way that it doesn't sound like an accusation, more lamenting that ds won't see or use the gift, such a shame.

Send a picture of said gifts in situ at your home.

Unless the gift-givers have explicitely asked your in-laws to keep the gift in custody untill your child has reached adulthood, it is up to you, the parents, to receive and keep safe everything given to your child.

It would be a cold day in hell before I would interact with those people again. What in the world is up with them? Your husband? What a twit. You handled this much better than I would have. Send them a couple of dirty diapers i the post since they want to have things of your sons so badly. :)

Don't move to France, OP. These things could be nothing, but could also be worrying elements of control.

stay on home ground with your support system around you.

I wouldn’t die on this hill….it’s a picture frame at the end of the day - even if it’s worth money. If l was the person who gave it l’d think it was bloody weird to see in in the home of the child’s grandmother ? But hey ho. Honestly l really don’t think it’s worth the aggro .

I would take it bacl and hide it and don't tell my DH until I got home.Good luck !

hate to say this but do you have any reason to believe your husband might be planning on leaving you? or that his parents believe that might happen? That might explain why they want to safeguard the more precious items... so that you don't get to keep them in any split