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Original poster

In Laws Keeping the Baptism Gifts

603 replies

OctaviaWS12 · 15/11/2022 17:07

So, last week was our sons baptism, hosted in France (the country where my DH is from however we live in England ). (My inlaws insisted it be hosted here). Anyway, our son was very lucky and received lots of lovely gifts from his relatives. However, two gifts in particular caused issues. From a friend of the family, he received a hand crafted silver picture frame (worth quite a bit of money!) . My in laws say that it has to stay in their house, so that the person who gifted it can see it and they can enjoy it. However, we don’t see our in laws very often as they are ‘busy’, maybe twice a year. In addition, they said that we would have to decide together who takes the gold and silver gifts
home, as they want to keep some as a ‘memento’ of the baptism. Am I unreasonable for asking to take all of them home? To where DS lives ? As the gifts were for him. In addition, my husband works away a lot and I’m often caring for my DS alone, and with the help of my parents. I’m concerned that if they stay with my in laws, he will never see them.

OP posts:
Littlepiggiesinblankets · 16/11/2022 11:24

The thieving barstewards! Stealing from a child! Unbelievable. Absolute asshats.

I am sorry they've stolen from you and I'm sorry your 'D'H doesn't have your back or your son's.

I've seen some extraordinary behaviour talked about on here, but this takes the biscuit. I wouldn't have anything more to do with them.

Littlepiggiesinblankets · 16/11/2022 11:26

Oh and I would contact the gift-givers "Many thanks for your lovely gifts, I hope some day they will be passed on to DS so he will be able to enjoy them."

(I can translate for you if you need it ...)

SillySausage81 · 16/11/2022 11:26

OctaviaWS12 · 16/11/2022 10:08

I said as suggested on the chat to bring the gifts or don’t bother coming. And he said ‘blackmail is immature and I’m disappointed in you’

What a cvntish patronising reply.

You know what is immature? Rooting in your suitcase to get the napkin ring. Blocking your way when you wanted to see the photo frame. Insisting on keeping things that aren't theirs (actually that's not immature, just thievery).

How old is your husband? Does he often patronise you like this?

whoruntheworldgirls · 16/11/2022 11:27

2pinkginsplease · 16/11/2022 10:39

They have totally tainted your sons baptism, I’d be telling dh to stay in France and organising a baptism here to give you happier memories with your friends and family,

imagine stealing from a child. Lowest of low!

This ^
Sorry OP this is really shit and your husband is awful. Lock your son's passport away and got NC with the in-laws.

Thegannethasfled · 16/11/2022 11:27

I would definitely write to all guests thanking them for their amazing gift and how special it was and how grateful you are but telling them you are sorry but your child does not have the gift as your mental thieving pil have hidden them and kept them. (if this is real)

KvotheTheBloodless · 16/11/2022 11:28

Littlepiggiesinblankets · 16/11/2022 11:26

Oh and I would contact the gift-givers "Many thanks for your lovely gifts, I hope some day they will be passed on to DS so he will be able to enjoy them."

(I can translate for you if you need it ...)

This!

3ShotsOfEspresso · 16/11/2022 11:28

Your husband is pathetic.

MsRosley · 16/11/2022 11:30

You're being royally gaslighted by both your DH and your in-laws. I honestly think this is a hill you should die on, and demand the return of the gifts immediately. Make it absolutely clear to your husband that you will not back down, that your son will not be returning to France until the gifts are back in your son's possession. I'd probably threaten him with divorce while I was at it.

They are taking advantage of your age and supposed naivety. They are disgraceful, immoral bullies.

MichelleScarn · 16/11/2022 11:30

Agree with the lock passport away and is there not some way to flag things with passport control if DtwatH tries to take him back to France? Or are IL not really bothered about DS just what he can get them?!

SillySausage81 · 16/11/2022 11:30

Littlepiggiesinblankets · 16/11/2022 11:26

Oh and I would contact the gift-givers "Many thanks for your lovely gifts, I hope some day they will be passed on to DS so he will be able to enjoy them."

(I can translate for you if you need it ...)

Perfection. Not aggressive, but will certainly get them scratching their heads and wondering about MIL's behaviour.

MavisChunch29 · 16/11/2022 11:33

Take them all, the greedy, chiselling inlaws do not get to keep anything.

Scyla · 16/11/2022 11:36

What odd people they are.
They have lost their minds at the sight of a few gold and silver trinkets. Are they poor? Grasping at things that are sellable might indicate financial insecurity and that can make people behave desperately.

I would let them have the shiny tat and run a mile. What else will they have off you in the future?

fruitbrewhaha · 16/11/2022 11:40

Then he doesn't come home OP.

I expect they will then feel vindicated, as they were right to keep the expensive gifts because you have divorced their son. Arseholes.

antelopevalley · 16/11/2022 11:40

MsRosley · 16/11/2022 11:30

You're being royally gaslighted by both your DH and your in-laws. I honestly think this is a hill you should die on, and demand the return of the gifts immediately. Make it absolutely clear to your husband that you will not back down, that your son will not be returning to France until the gifts are back in your son's possession. I'd probably threaten him with divorce while I was at it.

They are taking advantage of your age and supposed naivety. They are disgraceful, immoral bullies.

I think not returning to France is probably a bit much.
But I know I would be so angry when saying goodbye that I would tell them my son and I will never be back again and are not welcome at our house either.

antelopevalley · 16/11/2022 11:41

And if my husband ever invited them over to our house I would visit my parents or friends with my son during their visit.

I can't emphasise enough how shitty they have all behaved. This is not a minor issue.

Outsideworld · 16/11/2022 11:43

This is not normal behaviour. Your dh is bonkers (and obviously your inlaws)! Get out while you can, you’re young and don’t need them. Their loss. Crazy abusive people.

Original poster
OctaviaWS12 · 16/11/2022 11:49

We got married in England, and they were very happy and not particularly involved in our relationship. But as soon as we had little one , the dynamic changed and they became much more controlling with my husband ; suspect as they thought we needed their support more.
my husband also changed, I suspect as he assumed as I now had a child, I needed him more too and would find it more difficult to leave him, he’s become much closer to them , and will defend them on most things. But this is the worst I have seen it, and I am not sure if we can move passed this.

OP posts:
Fink · 16/11/2022 11:49

To add to the above, you can DM me if you want me to translate any messages to send to the gift givers.

Original poster
OctaviaWS12 · 16/11/2022 11:50

They are not poor, and are very financially stable , so it makes it even more gross. But perhaps they are cash poor!

OP posts:
Original poster
OctaviaWS12 · 16/11/2022 11:51

Thank you all again for your amazing support, it is heart warming to be back up by so many lovely and supportive women. And has made this situation a little easier as I have had some laughs along the way. You’re all right about my husband and ILs, and I needed these reminders and comments to realise how controlling they are

OP posts:
DeepDown12 · 16/11/2022 11:52

In all honesty, after reading all your updates, I'd message 'D'H that his parents are welcome to both - gifts and their son. This is a massive eye opening event. You sound like you have your own support system and successful career and are not dependent on him. So, given the dramatic difference in values (which for me would be the biggest issue here) - I'd say to parents - keep your son along with the gifts and LTB.

ToGanymedeAndTitan · 16/11/2022 11:59

OctaviaWS12 · 16/11/2022 11:50

They are not poor, and are very financially stable , so it makes it even more gross. But perhaps they are cash poor!

Cash poor? Nah, they're thieving bastards.

antelopevalley · 16/11/2022 12:06

I think anyone advising the OP to end the marriage today is unrealistic.
OP I think this will affect your marriage, but take time to consider what you want to do. Don't feel pushed into quick decisions.

SafferUpNorth · 16/11/2022 12:14

Must confess I've not RTFT but if it was me, I would let this lie and not break up with DH over it.

HOWEVER, I do suggest you cover yourself by being very clear to the guests involved that your in-laws have kept the gifts.

When writing them a thank you letter, say something like: "DH and I would like to thank you for the generous baptism gift a stunning silver frame. Just to let you know, it is being kept by in-laws on behalf of our DC - you may see it in their home when you visit..."

Also, write a list of the things they have kept stating that it's in in-laws safekeeping on behalf of DC, to be returned on x date. Get them to sign it. These are gifts for your child, so child's property.

Bookworm20 · 16/11/2022 12:14

I cannot believe your 'D'H called you immature!

I'd say you are literally the only person who has acted with maturity in all of this.