Partners birthday -I’m so hurt

[bagpuss90]

I know some of my posts are a bit controversial-but I’m feeling quite heartbroken -so please be kind.
It was my DPs birthday yesterday . He’d decided he wanted to visit his old home town for a bit of nostalgia . I tore ligaments in my knee a couple of weeks ago -still painful. I’d hoped we could still go but i could only hobble about yesterday and just wasn’t up to it .I’m Self-Employed and I’d booked the day off . I suggested I also book a day out in a couple of weeks time when we could go to his home town together -after all it’s not going anywhere . I offered to take him out locally for a meal -anywhere he wanted to go -somewhere really nice or do something else .I’d bought a card, pressies -I felt really guilty but I still wanted him to have a nice day. Anyway he basically went on his nostalgia trip on his own -I didn’t see him yesterday .I suggested we had a meal in the evening but he didn’t want to “clock watch” I’m hurt that he didn’t want to spend the day with me -but walk about on his own . If we’d booked something Id get that -but we hadn’t. I get it’s not about me -it was his birthday . Pressies and card are sat there . I couldn’t help not being up to it . I’m just upset that he’d rather spend the day on his own. I might add things haven’t been great lately but we’d both agreed to make the effort . I’m bloody gutted 😢

I think all you can do is tell him that you were disappointed that you didn't get to see him at all on his birthday, it sounds like he might have been being a bit childish saying he couldn't possibly come to dinner as he'd have to clock watch. You say thinks haven't been too good - do you think he's not really invested in the relationship any more?

It does sound that he's not overly invested in the relationship any more.

It’s his birthday, not yours, so this trip alone YABU, but if there’s a rift forming I can see why you are hurt.

I think you’re being a little OTT to feel this way. It’s his birthday and he should spend it as he chooses. In all fairness, if he wanted a nostalgia trip then you being there probably wasn’t that necessary for him as they’re his memories he’s re-living, not joint memories with you.

I'm sorry that it has played out like this.

Obviously he will be disappointed that his birthday hasn't panned out as he'd hoped. He possibly subconsciously 'blames' you for this (despite the fact you clearly didn't choose to be injured!). I'm not saying this is reasonable or that you have anything to feel guilty about but emotions can be dickheads at times.

If he loves you then he will almost certainly feel some remorse at the choice he made, how and if he expresses this remains to be seem.

I hope things get better.

I think if that’s what he wanted to do, that’s what he wanted to do. Better than staying at home and sulking that you couldn’t come.

This is only a big a deal as you choose to make it. If he's otherwise caring then I don't see him spending the day as he'd already planned something to fret over.

Your injury was a couple weeks ago, and the plan was a car ride. I would expect my partner to pull themselves together.

It was obviously meaningful to him to have a nostalgic day on his actual birthday.

I'm sure he will spend the day with you in a couple of weeks.

I don't think its hurtful really, you will still do something together when you're feeling better.

Just had a look at your many other threads

all complaint about different people in your life

must be an exhausting and thoroughly shit way to live - constantly seeing injustices against yourself and people wronging you - for the most trivial shit

Also my self employment hasn’t been great of late. But I’d scrimped and scraped for his birthday

Gumreduction
No I’m very lucky. I have a wonderful family , good friends and a lot to be thankful for

I went to London on my own for my last birthday - art gallery & a show - and I had a lovely time. My husband of over 30 years wasn't the slightest bit bothered - and because of when the date falls, he will actually be away himself next year. Nobody cares, because adult birthdays are so unimportant. Your partner is allowed to do whatever he likes.

Let's be honest, I think you just like a good moan. Yeah it's annoying taking a wasted day off but it's not the end of the world.

fallfallfall
no it was a train ride a bloody long one too. I still can’t drive and he wanted to have a drink

Well how come the multiple threads about family and friends pissing you off?

Seriously op

m you have started dozens of threads
About your SIL, other ones about your DP, numerous ones about different friends…. It literally goes on and on

I don't think it is a big deal. If he had set his heart on going to his old home town that day, why not? He could explore better on his own.

It's a shame you hurt yourself and could not accompany him but that is life. You can celebrate his birthday on another day, maybe at the weekend.

Try not to dwell on this, life is too short. In a short while you will see it in proportion.

I hope you are soon healed. Take care.

Its HIS birthday. He gets to do what HE wants. You are being unreasonable and come across as very over dramatic.

Was this a significant birthday? A nostalgic walk around the home town is quite the unique birthday activity. It suggests that this birthday meant something more to him than some random year. The activity was likely emotionally important and had nothing to do with your relationship.

You seem to have endless drama with your DP/family/friends op.

Perhaps you need to take stock and look at why this happens to you repeatedly.

Your name always rings a bell and I swear you post threads non stop about the people around you.

Would you rather he'd spent his birthday sat at home doing nothing?

On its own (i.e. unless it's part of a wider pattern), this isn't a reflection on the relationship unless you make it one. He wanted to do this, and he's allowed to do it on his own if he chooses.

I get you are disappointed. But he wanted to spend his birthday visiting a place that holds a lot of nostalgia for him.

You couldn’t go so he went alone. To do the thing he wanted to and planned to do on his birthday. I also get the ‘not wanting to clock watch’ he wanted to go and be able to just take his time and do what he wanted without knowing he had to be back.

I absolutely hate when people try and make you feel bad for doing what you want on your birthday and want you to do something that suits them.

you really are making it all about you

So for, I'd be very happy for DH to go on his own trip and enjoy his own company like that.
I'd be thinking 'good for you! hope you enjoy the day'.
As I know these nostalgia trips are sometimes better alone because you don't have to worry about the other person being bored/hungry/needing to go to the loo somewhere etc.

I dumped someone shortly after he told me he wanted to spend his birthday with some of his friends, without me. He couldn’t believe it but I didn’t want to be in a relationship where my partner wasn’t considering my feelings. Your DP is either a complete narcissist (mine was) or not that committed to you.