Partners birthday -I’m so hurt

[bagpuss90]

I know some of my posts are a bit controversial-but I’m feeling quite heartbroken -so please be kind.
It was my DPs birthday yesterday . He’d decided he wanted to visit his old home town for a bit of nostalgia . I tore ligaments in my knee a couple of weeks ago -still painful. I’d hoped we could still go but i could only hobble about yesterday and just wasn’t up to it .I’m Self-Employed and I’d booked the day off . I suggested I also book a day out in a couple of weeks time when we could go to his home town together -after all it’s not going anywhere . I offered to take him out locally for a meal -anywhere he wanted to go -somewhere really nice or do something else .I’d bought a card, pressies -I felt really guilty but I still wanted him to have a nice day. Anyway he basically went on his nostalgia trip on his own -I didn’t see him yesterday .I suggested we had a meal in the evening but he didn’t want to “clock watch” I’m hurt that he didn’t want to spend the day with me -but walk about on his own . If we’d booked something Id get that -but we hadn’t. I get it’s not about me -it was his birthday . Pressies and card are sat there . I couldn’t help not being up to it . I’m just upset that he’d rather spend the day on his own. I might add things haven’t been great lately but we’d both agreed to make the effort . I’m bloody gutted 😢

I bet you’ve thrown that at him a fair few times today!

I've no idea what other posts you've made so no Idea in that respect but I do think YABU.

No you hadn't booked and paid for something but you had planned something for for his birthday (and therefore benefit) that he has seen through since you are injured and not able to go. Presumably if you hadn't hurt your leg you'd have joined him. I think its entirely unnecessary to make it personal or about yourself in this instance. It's one day and it is his own birthday. Perhaps it would be nice to open presents together later or tomorrow when he is actually at home and not spoil the rest of your week by making this into a bigger argument.

Then YOU make an effort to understand this is something he really wanted to do.

Yeh devastated 🙄

Gumreduction
no I actually haven’t . I’ve said I’m hurt not angry

We don’t live together - won’t see him til tomorrow- so he won’t open his card and pressies til then

He actually wished he’d not gone cos it’s changed so much- and no I’m not gloating -not at all

If you were my boyfriend and you were upset because I did something I wanted to do on MY birthday then I’d see it as a massive red flag and I’d actually end the relationship over it.

If you were a man posting about his girlfriend you would have absolutely torn apart.

You should be happy that he’s having a nice day doing what he wants - it’s very selfish that you are putting your feelings before his.

I suggest you start changing your behaviour asap, else he’s going to end up finding someone who does want him to be happy.

He actually wished he’d not gone cos it’s changed so much- and no I’m not gloating -not at all

Of course he’s going to say that to you, else you’re going to keep going on about how hurt you are that he enjoyed his birthday.

I think you need to separate two things:

It’s his birthday, he had it in his head he wanted to do this thing - so he went and did it. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you can’t spend your birthday the way you want, what is the world coming to? It’s not his fault you’re laid up. If it’s a long train journey then I absolutely understand why he didn’t want a dinner date to worry he’d be late for.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to spend time with you, it’s that he wants to take a day off and do this thing. So please don’t be sulky when he gets home, give him his presents or pile them up for him on the table if he’s going to be late.

Plan do go out somewhere with him this weekend instead.

If there are broader problems in your relationship address those separately. In this situation both my partner and I would do exactly what your partner has done, and neither of us would be at all upset - so don’t make this day part of the problem.

How pleasant you are!

I can't remember any of your other threads.

I don't really know what he's done wrong. All he's done is go on a day out on his own birthday by himself. You couldn't go so he just cracked on.

If you AS the Op her partners mum died a couple of years ago

Birthdays can be hard for quite a while and when I lost my mum I longed to go back in time. Visit old places even if not directly connected to mum. Like a yearning for a time she existed

Which I think makes Ops moaning even worse and the fact that she is quite happy he didn’t enjoy it and didn’t get what hopes out of it absolutely awful.

Januarcelebration
jesus -did I once say that!! Don’t be so foul

Yes you did. You know you did.

I took no pleasure in him not having a good day -none whatsoever ffs

Your gloating comment says different

Your own words.....

bagpuss90 · Today 17:58
He actually wished he’d not gone cos it’s changed so much- and no I’m not gloating -not at all

I wasn’t been bloody sarcastic ffs I meant it

Jesus there are a lot of vile people on here

Sure, Jan.

@bagpuss90 My comment was a reply to yours saying you weren't being sarcastic.

Just let him enjoy his day and leave him to it.

Read it again !!