People who won't leave a restaurant when their child is kicking up

[JanetSally]

I was having dinner in a restaurant the other evening. A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging, so I took her child outside while she finished every bit of her cake.

Why do some people do this? It's very unfair on everyone else in the restaurant.

I have never ever done this, requires a total brass neck. I got ten minutes’ sleep total on a 12hr red eye flight with my 10 month old and spent the rest of the time standing and bobbing him at the back of the plane because it was the only way he wouldn’t scream!

however, now my kids are a bit older - but still not really old enough to know any better - I am a bit more carefree with them if we’re in a restaurant. My thinking is, it is 6pm and has to be a ‘special occasion’ for us to be doing it. People who don’t want excitable kids within earshot can go out to eat at a normal adult time and we will be on our way home by then. I still don’t let the kids bother other diners and spend a lot of time walking about with the toddler etc but just have slightly higher shame levels under these circumstances.

They are out with family enjoying often new food and knowing new situations . It’s actually part of learning how to behave in different situations .
im sitting waiting for lunch with my 11 month old and she is enjoying the extra attention , the people , the noise , people coming to say hello . She will also enjoy a bit of my lunch .

This. Agree completely.

You obviously missed the part in my previous post where I said often it will take just as long or even longer to get food packed up than it would for me to scoff it. She'll scream just the same while I'm waiting for it to be packed up, so what's the difference? Do I just leave the minute she opens her mouth, even if I haven't paid for the food yet? Some babies don't always scream because they are distressed you know. Some babies just like the sound of their own voices, sometimes.

The first 3 years of parenting are bloody hard, not everyone has access to childcare. Why shouldn't mum's (who let's be honest take the brunt of the parenting most of the time) be able to go out and enjoy themselves.

Then maybe they should have thought of their lack of free child care 3 years and 9 months earlier. No-one is saying that they shouldn't 'enjoy themselves' as long as their 'enjoyment' isn't supported by being neglecting their children and is at the expense of the rest of the clientele.

Oh get a grip!! What’s the message then, don’t have kids if you like eating out every now and then! People like you make parent hood harder than it needs to be. Eat out, enjoy yourselves and try to teach your children how to behave in different situations, if they misbehave then be prepared to deal with it so as not to disturb others.

“Should have thought about that 3 years and 9 months ago”. Good blood grief what a load of shit!!

If it was more than a minute or two, I personally would be asking for it to be packed and pay, or taking the baby outside to settle. I would not be doing any scoffing while my child kicked off, all my attention would be on the baby.

I’m a first time mum to a generally quiet 17 month old and don’t even attempt to go to any indoor eateries. But last weekend I had my first taste of the discomfort of strangers glaring at me when my shy little man decided to start practicing a new word “CAR CAAAAAR” on a bus. He was thrilled with himself. I ended up getting off the bus a few stops early due to the glares and tuts I received. I almost felt like the reactions from strangers were so foreign to him he kept repeating the word to get their reaction. I wished that someone had made light of the situation instead of looking at me like I wasn’t “controlling” my child. Short of trying to shush him and trying to whisper instead, I wasn’t sure what to do. This doesn’t apply to the parents drinking coffee with a crying baby, but the toddler having a tantrum in the cafe was possibly intrigued by your discomfort @JanetSally and escalating

Hell is other people’s kids.
Had to use a bus the other day, expensive and hellishly noisy with screeeeeeching kids.
In a restaurant, screaming and crying is unacceptable as the noise impacts and is actually painful with some shrill children.

There are plenty of cafes full of mums and young kids.
I don't understand why anyone would then choose the place with people working on laptops, and sitting quietly chatting.

It’s tricky.
We we’re recently in an airport hotel restaurant, nowhere else to eat, dgs was squealing quite happily but it was v. loud.
Dd, me and dh took turns to carry him to a quiet part so we didn’t disturb other diners.
However if dd had been on her own I don’t think she could have done anything to stop the noise and would have had to eat.
It depends on the circumstances.

Most parents in public are decent and trying their best,
Yes, I agree, most people would agree, surely.

But I'm also sure the parents of the screaming baby that plagued a whole restaurant when DH and I had a very very very rare treat of a naice hotel and late evening meal, were doing just that, their best, I didn't check. Whatever. Our choice of a lovely, quiet, child-free evening was taken away, but then I'm really just mean and selfish I guess?

@Calmondeck I think oakleaffy was on the same bus as you 😂😂😂

But seriously, I have a young baby and know exactly how you feel. It’s awkward! I have to ignore it. I try my best to keep her calm, I leave situations if she’s getting loud and disruptive but still I get the states that say ‘how dare you leave the house while she’s under 4’! Babies should he normalised because without them the population would die out!

I agree I think late babyhood to early toddlerdom is the hardest (maybe 9m to 2.5?) mobile and loud but very little reason and "controlling them" is tricky. To those who say " take them out". To where ? Great if the weather is fine and there is a safe space, however what if it's pouring ? Or the only outside space is a car park ?. It's not always that easy.

However some damage limitation is appropriate eg: order quickly (maybe look at menu online before hand if you can) , just have one course, bring (quiet) distractions, personally I did sticker books for restaurant meals.

YANBU, children should be seen not heard.

/s

Get a taxi next time.

@ChillysWaterBottle I agree with you. There is a lot of miserable people on this thread, complaining all the time . I genuinely don’t believe parents ignore tantrums or screaming babies when out in public. It’s such a shame that some parents don’t feel comfortable to go out for a meal or out in general because some old bat has a problem with it.

So should ignorant adults!

The reason I dislike this so much is because we don't have much money. All those saying well should I just stay at home then.
We do not eat out often as we can't afford it. I do not want our rare eating out blighted by kids crying or screaming. And it is always people who look well off. They would not do it in a fancy restaurant where they go as a treat. But they are happy to inflict it on poorer people like me when we go out for a treat meal.

Not fair! She should be able to reap the cost benefits of public transport without having to deal with the public!

Outside in the freezing cold or rain? You're obviously a better parent than me, you must let me know where you're running your parenting classes so I can attend 😊

One of the frequently repeated bits of advice on here is to ignore toddler tantrums
But that's MN, not the real world. In the real world, it is expected that tantrums are managed.

What really puzzles me is how little control parents nowadays seem to have over their kids. Kids do tantrums abd always will but my kids knew when enough was enough and by the time I took them out in public places where tantrums and loudness was not acceptable, a few words, stern look or as a last resort, distraction did the trick. It was the same with my friends and their kids.

“She should be able to use PUBLIC transport without dealing with the PUBLIC”

🧐🧐🧐

So should illiterate people.

This is so sad. You shouldn't feel embarrassed at all, it's lovely. I would have encouraged my DS to express himself, not loudly so, but still encouraged him. Stuff the miseries.