People who won't leave a restaurant when their child is kicking up

[JanetSally]

I was having dinner in a restaurant the other evening. A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging, so I took her child outside while she finished every bit of her cake.

Why do some people do this? It's very unfair on everyone else in the restaurant.

I never used to take my two out in the evenings (apart from on holiday) until they were about 8. At that age, they loved a carvery, and would sit there stuffing their faces or we’d go to McDonalds where, if it’s not the kids screaming, it’s the adults 🙄 I wouldn’t have dreamt of taking them somewhere for adults when they were younger because I don’t think I’d have enjoyed chasing around after them if they were old enough to dash off. I also would want to relax and not worry about screaming. Tbh, the not taking them was 90% about my enjoyment rather than anything else.

Oh god please don't be nervous to take your baby out. A lot of the people on this thread are repeat offenders who spend their life on this website having a go at mums for absolutely everything. If you look over the usernames the same ones pop up again and again. Some of them aren't even parents lol. Please don't let these miserable, vindictive nobodies stop you going to a cafe with your little one and enjoying yourself.

My baby is very well behaved when we're out and about (nothing to do with me I don't think, I think it's just luck of the draw) which is almost a shame because I would consider ruining the day of these unpleasant cats-bum faced assholes an absolute bonus to a lovely lunch out.

Just remember despite their entitled self-righteousness they have no right to a space like a cafe over a mum and her baby. Most parents in public are decent and trying their best, and like I said before, it seems a bit of a suspicious coincidence that the same people who seem to keep encountering all these screaming kids in public are the same who spend a huge chunk of their lives being nasty to mothers on a parenting website. Weirdos.

I'd have taken my kids out if they were noisy and I remember times when we took it in turns to stand by the table jiggling a baby so she wouldn't cry, while the other wolfed food so we could leave. We didn't eat out much with a baby.

But - it wouldn't bother me that much now and if toddlers are kicking off, sometimes it's better to see the tantrum out than take them out. Especially if you have a few children with you so you'd otherwise be leaving an older one or trying to manage them by the road outside.

All sorts of people are annoying, you encounter them when you go out to eat, that's life.

I hate badly behaved children disrupting my meal. I would avoid family friendly restaurants where possible as they are too often frequented by lazy parents, who won't do any parenting. However, I cannot go to child free places due to having a child. A child who has been taught how to behave in a public space all his days and so sits nicely and eats. It is really not a big ask to expect the same from other children.

Children were not allowed tear around restaurants when I was small. If you misbehaved and annoyed the neighbours they were allowed tell you off without an indignant parent coming out to attack them.

Why are you bringing hitting children into this? Is that the only way you know how to discipline a child?

Iv never seen that advice on here but no it’s not appropriate to ignore your child kicking off when it’s negatively impacting others around you.

(didn’t do dinners until 7/8 and always left the dining room until things had calmed down on the odd occasions they became upset when they were tiny).

You put the crucial bits between brackets. But in my experience, and I've done both, it makes no difference wether children are introduced to restaurants early or not. They behave well/enjoy the experience when they are good and ready to do so. Also, there might be a case that they actually enjoy it more and are more likely to be delightful if it is a rare treat.

This is why we stopped eating out in some local places. I do not want to sit and hear kids screaming and shouting.

What a load of fiction. I have never posted about children misbehaving in restaurants before and I'm the instigator of the thread. You seem to be making stuff up to justify yourself.

But when was this magical time OP ? '50's ?,'60's ? 80's ? It is relevant. Corporal punishment was much more widespread in those decades (even in schools) .

The reason I ask about physical chastisement is because the person in RL who talks about "my day" or even " the good old days" also believes in smacking, and leaving children to "cry it out".

Ah, okay. Yeah I haven't dared a restaurant yet. Life is hard enough, let's not make it any harder!

I'd love to hear the other side of this story.

Since OP is talking about decades ago no doubt she is either harking back to a golden time when she wasn’t alive or was a small child who had actually had no awareness of discipline outside of her own immediate small circle.

It was just normal baby coping noises
he is my 5th baby I’m not a dick I would of left if screaming

Some posters absolutely are saying that! I do my best to make sure DD is calm and happy at all times, because her screaming in public is absolutely no fun for me either. However sometimes (including in a cafe when I have just ordered, paid for and started eating, food) it is unavoidable.

cooing

I was a child in the 70s and 80s.

You seem to think discipling children goes hand in hand with hitting them. It doesn't.

Oh I love chattering babies @Motherland2624

Lunchtime/daytime fine. But why on earth would you take a baby or toddler to a restaurant in the evening? Unpleasant for everyone. Including the child.

I don't mind the noise IF the parents are trying to control them, however if they're just ignoring the child then yes I mind. Children have to learn how to behave in public, and unfortunately, that means they will sometimes behave badly in the process, but they also need to be taught, not just ignored.

Children have to be developmentally ready to eat in restaurants. A baby is not ready to sit at a table for a couple of hours. It is fine if you can breastfeed them or they are sleeping. But sitting in a highchair for a few hours at a table is not normal for children.

Because they know if you say anything, you will be eaten alive & they don’t care ab anyone but themselves

Some might, but the majority think that the rudeness is when you don't do anything to stop it. That might include leaving if you cannot quiet them. It is never unavoidable, never. I had a difficult baby, bit never once have I been sitting in any kind of eating place with him screaming, ever. If I couldn't soothe him, I left. It is not even just about the other diners, it is not ok to leave a baby distressed like that. You get your food packed up, you leave and do whatever it is you need to sort out the baby.

Do you have your own children ?
I have 2 DCs aged 18 and 16, I have never used physical punishment and I never would.

Neither would I allow my school age DCs to run around in resteraunts. However I have stayed seated while my 1yo kicking off because they are tired and hungry and it's 1pm, even though you walked through the resteraunt door at 12:15 and they still haven't brought the food and it's chucking it down outside and tbh 45 minutes is an awfully long time to entertain a hungry toddler in a high chair.

This. If you have young children then surely you would like them home and settled in bed or ready for bed by 8pm not sitting in a restaurant crabbit because their tired.

if we go out for dinner with the children we tend to book a table for 4pm so we have plenty time to eat and get them home before they get tired. If ds 3yrs does decide he wants to play up(very rarely) and we are still eating me or dp take him to the bathroom, talk to him find out why he is unhappy then he usually calms down after a few mins of talking through it. If it’s the baby I usually take him and walk him around outside till dp finishes (he eats fast lol) then dp will take over if baby hasn’t settled so I can get mine and ds has finished his. Regardless if the children are being quiet or not we always leave a restaurant after we finish our meal. Even before the children came along