People who won't leave a restaurant when their child is kicking up

[JanetSally]

I was having dinner in a restaurant the other evening. A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging, so I took her child outside while she finished every bit of her cake.

Why do some people do this? It's very unfair on everyone else in the restaurant.

I would never stay in a restaurant or cafe if my child was being disruptive. I would attempt to settle them, but if that was not happening, they need to be taken out. If I was alone, I asked for the food to go, or took it in turns with my partner to eat while the other walked around outside. I absolutely expect the same from others. Yes it is unfortunate your child has ruined your meal, but they should never be allowed to ruin someone else's.

@ZeroFuchsGiven but you can't control a 7 month old! Believe me I've tried. Milk, food, toys, holding her, rocking her, standing her on my lap. If that all fails, what am I supposed to do? Obviously if it was possible I'd ask for food to be boxed up so I can take it away, but sometimes that will take just as long as me shovelling it all in at 100mph (which sadly I am now accustomed to doing with almost every meal).

There's a clear difference between allowing small children to run around creating havoc and those that are unsettled or upset when the parents are trying their best. I'm not saying you've said that, but some PP imply parents and their children should vanish the minute they start making noise.

I generally leave if my toddler plays up (always daytime places)

But on the other hand

I have often placated my 18 month old with a cartoon on my phone and been given the most disgusting looks of judgement.

So you can never win either way

Don’t know why so many people are saying ‘don’t be dramatic no one is saying you aren’t allowed out with a baby and have to stay home!’
When actually yes, some posters are saying exactly that.

The general rule should be that as far as possible you don't take a baby to any public place if it's likely to disturb people by crying. Not even a Pizza Hut for lunch on a Saturday. A restaurant visit is a recreation, it's not a necessity, you don't impact other people so you can have a good time.

Yeah that has been quoted on about a million threads. Doesn't excuse the minority of parents who show no consideration for other people in restaurants or change the fact that behaviour, whatever it was like in Socrates' day has seriously deteriorated across the last few decades.

Restaurants and cafes are enjoyable for children and adults but babies get zero benefit from them. People take them to benefit the adults. That is fine. But to take a baby and keep them there when they are crying and distressed is not for the babies benefit.

I suppose maybe just once or twice they want to get out and have a meal too. Maybe it happens all the time and they could never do anything if they had to leave every time there was a tantrum. People turning round to stare is rude.

I don't think anyone mentioned rioting children.

That quote is a false one. I know it is popular, but it is not a true one.

@ZeroFuchsGiven oh that’s a shame for you. Please tell me why parents should pay for baby sitters? Assuming parents aren’t taking their kids out really late at night then they have as much right to be there as you do. Remember your brats were young once, I’m going to guess you never left the house with them?
i don’t believe for one second that parents don’t try to settle their children/babies when they are out in public. Most parents get no enjoyment from being judged by people like you and will try to calm the situation when their kids are playing up.

But why would you take a 7 month old which understandably you can not control to a restaurant and ruin other peoples enjoyment as well as your own? It makes no sense, your baby is miserable, you are miserable and other diners are pissed off.

Bring a toddler into a tiny coffin cubicle on a plane to calm them down!!

Top trolling with that one. Do come back and tell us how well that worked to calm them down.

Depends on restaurant I think. If it’s very much promoted as a “family friendly” place, some of that sort of noise is to be expected.
that’s why we avoid them😁

wow just wow please explain how a restaurant meal is enjoyable for a baby or a toddler. What does it do for them, exactly? Even their own parents seem to have difficulties enjoying themselves most of the time.

So go on "last few decades" , when do you think it was that children didn't behave like children ? Do you also subscribe to "spare the rod?"

Because it's cold out (and raining sometimes too) I will need somewhere to feed her and change her and understandably not everyone wants us to visit them at home or come to our house. I'm actually talking about cafes, not restaurants. So if you apply your theory also to cafes, we shouldn't be going anywhere or seeing anyone.

So… the first example YANBU, the second example YABU. Two very different examples.

the first one, clearly a selfish couple that wanted to finish their wine and don’t care about distressed baby or paying customers.

the second, still finishing her FOOD and a toddler throwing a typical tantrum. A teachable moment for the toddler. If all mums did this they wouldn’t leave the house.

Couldnt vote!

wow just wow please explain how a restaurant meal is enjoyable for a baby or a toddler. What does it do for them, exactly? Even their own parents seem to have difficulties enjoying themselves most of the time“

They learn how to behave from a young age, which benefits everyone later. We took ours out from babyhood to a selection of basic to very good restaurants and they knew how to behave well by about 3 3 1/2. In the meantime though, we had some lovely lunches out as a family (didn’t do dinners until 7/8 and always left the dining room until things had calmed down on the odd occasions they became upset when they were tiny).

I do not think people are saying you should stay home. They are just saying that you need to attend to your child and be willing to leave if necessary, which is perfectly reasonable.

Thinking about this more.

When my son was about 2 we had to travel to see some family and stayed in a premier inn.

We needed dinner so went to the attached restaurant where kids eat free. We were there at 6pm.

DS was playing up, he was hungry and tired. Food was taking ages. We had the cartoons out as well as drawing stuff etc. but he was 2 and hungry.

We got tutted but a group of adults at the table next to us.

Taking DS out of the restaurant likely would have caused a bigger scene as he knew he food would be inside the restaurant and he wanted to eat it. He wouldn't have understood that we would come back when food was ready.

We couldn't leave and go else where as that would also make the situation worse.

If my DC were doing this then I would take them out because that’s my preference as a parent but if another parent didn’t I couldn’t care less. Kids cry, that’s life. If it’s a child friendly place then I’d expect noisy kids.

Can’t say this bothers me in the slightest.

Usually with everyone denying their child has ever misbehaved in a cafe. It’s always other people’s kids 😂

I am only talking about restaurants on an evening, I should have been more clear, If I was in a cafe i absolutely would expect parents and children in there, same with soft play or family friendly pubs. But restaurants I think is extremely selfish of parents to take babies and toddles there, its not a place where they would be happy, they are not designed for small children.

I remember eating out once kids were doing great my 6 month old was making normal baby noises
the old bats eating opposite glared so Much we left really dented my confidence tbh

Twizbe · Today 11:34
Thinking about this more.

When my son was about 2 we had to travel to see some family and stayed in a premier inn.“

Anyone tutting at children in a PI at 6pm is being seriously unreasonable!