People who won't leave a restaurant when their child is kicking up

[JanetSally]

I was having dinner in a restaurant the other evening. A couple at another table had a small baby with them in a buggy. The mother had just fed the baby and put him back down but he wasn't happy and started crying, the noise escalating and escalating. The parents, who had finished their meal, very slowly finished their coffee/wine before leaving the restaurant despite the fact that people were turning around and looking at them.

I was in a cafe recently with a friend when her toddler started tantrumming. I said I was nearly finished and happy to go, but my friend said no, we'd paid for our food and were entitled to stay. She just wasn't budging, so I took her child outside while she finished every bit of her cake.

Why do some people do this? It's very unfair on everyone else in the restaurant.

I was in a cafe with a friend whose dog started barking. She would not take it outside and just tried to quieten the constantly barking dog. She was also wrong.

Funnily ( ironic) enough the last time I sat at the next table to a crying baby in a restaurant it was at the Ivy at Chichester.

Nice restaurant, fabulous decor in the ladies.🙂 Sigh, there’s never a flamingo image when you need one is there?

Dont get me started on dogs in eateries! If i walk in and see a dog I walk straight out again.

i agree with those thinking it's rude. I also add into the mix when you attend an event such as a school play / etc where the kids have spent ages rehearsing and its ruined by a younger child in the audience screaming and not being taken out...its such a shame for the poor kids who've spent ages preparing and no-one can hear them.

I am not looking to have a dig at all. I think your first priority is trying to soothe the baby, indoors outdoors wherever, but soothe. If you can't inside, try outside. If that does not work, give up and go. I didn't say you had to wait outside, I said try and soothe them outside. You need to make a call in that moment
A) what is going to comfort my child asap
B) what can I do to make sure I am not being a menace to everyone around me

Sorry, but the eating yourself bit is the last priority, not the first. If you are sitting there eating, ignoring a child screaming, yes you will be judged, because you are behaving badly.

I went to a funeral recently and a woman had brought two young children who cried and wailed throughout. It was genuinely awful. She made no attempt to remove them. The toddler was very loudly crying and shouting ‘boobie, I want boobie’, over and over, as he presumably wanted milk. I couldn’t hear much of the readings about the person who had died, which was truly shit.

Sorry, but the eating yourself bit is the last priority, not the first

I can't believe I am reading this . Potentially a nursing mother feeding herself should be her last priority? As I would say to DD "read that back, is that what you really meant to say?"

That's just reprehensible. And teaching a child to scream vulgar demands ... beyond the pale.

Years ago when I was a student I was in a cafe nursing a hang over and a mum with a screaming toddler was on the table next to me. I was doing a lot of very British huffing and puffing and giving her filthy looks. She eventually said to me “yeah, it’s shit for me too, but I need to get out of the house” and broke down in tears.

I was mortified. I felt so horrid and judgy. And obviously have since had kids who used to cry! From that day, I’ve never judged someone for their crying child. They have much right to occupy the space as me and maybe they need to more.

That is absolutely shocking!

It’s fascinating isn’t it how previous generations of parents were so much better at parenting. Kids these days are just the worst generation ever. (Said by every generation)

Thanks for sharing that.

I do not think that is true. When I was in my thirties the media were full of how young people then were overly responsible and not getting up to all the petty criminal stuff our generation was.
There are differences between the generations, although many never want to acknowledge it. Changes in the country from services such as Sure Start, increasing poverty or wealth, and cultural ideas about parenting all have an impact.

@ZeroFuchsGiven omg me too. When did it become ok to have non assistance dogs in eateries?! I'm sure it used to be considered unhygienic (which it is)

"One of the frequently repeated bits of advice on here is to ignore toddler tantrums"

If that's a strategy that works for you and is getting positive results then good... but practice it at home. If you're in a confined public space then you have to make an exception and either try (possibly futile) to stop the tantrum or remove the toddler until they have calmed down.

I can't comment on this as a strategy for dealing with tantrums but I can comment on showing respect to those around you.

Wow. Thank you for sharing that. I think it sums this all up so well.

@Twizbe Yeah I know I don't matter except when I have my kids with me. You have no idea how hard my life is.

Good job everyone around me will see that I've done my best to comfort them by interacting with them, offering food, milk, toys, cuddles etc. If they still want to judge me for bolting my remaining food THEN leaving, I couldn't really care less to be honest!

You need to start attending adult only spaces. Anyone who told me my child is crying so I should leave and not finish my food that I’ve PAID for can pay for my meal and I would be happy to go or leave themselves. There are all sorts of people I would not like around in public when I am out and guess what I ignore and move on. Poor parents who get judged because a baby makes a baby sound …

I would never eat if this was the thought process for everyone 🤦🏽‍♀️

Huh? What I have I missed? I've never said anyone doesn't matter ....

I know it's not easy for parents taking out babies/toddlers from say 9 months to 3.
The child either want to head towards the door or road and at times can start screaming/crying ect.
Parents need to bring things say like a colouring book or sticker book with them for the child to use to keep them happy or a tablet if they have one - without it be turned up full blast.
Then parents need to be aware that some places are more family friendly than others.
If you go to a place that's more for adults and your child kicks off just be ready to head out if they continue to kick off. Then only order a main course so your not in the place to long.

A few years ago I was with a friend of mine who's child has autism. She had a child free few hours so we went to an adult place for lunch. A child kicked off and 10 mins later my friend said would that mother not bring the child out? I said I know especially when this place is more for adults than kid's. It took the mother another 10 mins after this to bring the child out.
My friend said that with small kids you have to be ready to move if they start crying or kick off and show a bit of consideration for other people. I felt sorry for my friend that day because I knew at the time she was getting very little free time from her child. A nice meal in a quiet place and a chat was something she was looking forward to.

When you have a baby or toddler you just have to be aware that other people don't want to hear them crying, screaming or kicking off if they go to an adult place for lunch or dinner.

I think she probably tagged the wrong poster. I can not see you have said anything wrong anywhere.

Every thread about children on MN is so utterly depressing. Surely it can’t be as much of a miserable experience as these threads make out?

Eating out is one of my favourite things to do, but it sounds like I can kiss this goodbye for ~8 years unless I go to shit “child friendly” places where other people’s children can scream the place down.

Got me questioning if I really want kids!! 😅

Nobody has said that people with children shouldn't dine out just that they should be aware and respectful of those around them and respond if their children are disrupting other people's experience.