Should I change my sons name to please my MIL?

[97DS]

Ever since we found out baby was going to be a boy DH and I have had his name chosen. MIL has made subtle digs throughout pregnancy at how she’s not a fan of the name, and if we’ve considered anything else. I just dodge the question and ignore it because I don’t have the energy to argue with her. She can be very opinionated and very stubborn.
baby is now a week old, and not officially registered yet but we have announced his full name to friends/family/social media.
MIL has gone out of her way at every opportunity to make a comment on his name. Even after a traumatic birth which landed me in theatre with major haemorrhaging, her first text to DH was asking what baby’s name is going to be.

She’s been talking to family behind our back saying how disappointed she is, as well as pulling DH aside to privately ask if we would change the name. MIL is purposely avoiding saying his name, and has opted to calling him Jnr instead… That’s just the issue with his 1st name. Keep reading…

she also has a massive issue with his middle name too. DH has 2 middle names (X & Y) and when we chose baby’s name, we decided to use middle name Y so it followed the family tree as a tribute to the dads (Y runs quite far back in the male side of the family tree) and also, Y is my fathers middle name too so it seemed very sentimental to us all.
We’ve had a lot of compliments on his name from DH’s side of the family because we chose middle name Y. But MIL has kicked off BIG TIME. Pulling out crocodile tears and directly asking DH to change the middle name to something that tributes MIL’s family instead.
However, there’s only 2 male names to pick from if we were to consider it, and both names are awful, I genuinely don’t like them, and they don’t even go with baby boys 1st name, and would make the surname seem like a mouthful if you were to say it out loud.
My argument is, it’s not her baby so it’s not her business what his name is. She had the opportunity 30 years ago to tribute her family and that’s why DH’s middle name is X. But baby’s name isn’t meant to be a tribute to her family, it’s a tribute to DH’s family, as well as my own.

Yes we could just keep the peace and add a 2nd middle name that she wants, but I don’t want that. As his mother, I should be the one who has final say and I don’t want him to have 2 middle names, and I certainly don’t want to change his name under the pressure and influence of MIL. DH has agreed with me throughout pregnancy what his name is, but now MIL is getting into his head and playing a guilt card, DH is now having 2nd thoughts because he doesn’t like to upset MIL. I know it’s not what he wants either but his MIL is so good at minipulating everything to get her own way. She puts words into DH’s mouth and convinces him they’re his own. So now DH and I argue over this.
what’s your thoughts? AIBU to stick my guns and keep my sons name how it is, or should I reason with MIL, and change the name just to keep her happy?

My dad called my nephew junior for the first 6 months as he didn’t like his name. Years later it’s all a distant memory and he now calls nephew by his name.

Call your baby whatever you want, she’ll get used to it.

As a few have already mentioned upthread, this is a hill to die on. Do not change the name. And do not entertain this crap from MIL - say to her that the name is this and you will not be discussing it any further with her so it is not to be mentioned again. You need to put up major boundaries against this woman as I suspect this is not the only thing she will have an issue with.

At 4am my brain didn’t work so I don’t think it came across how I wanted.
Basically the 2 male names from MIL side of the family are both men who are deceased, who DH never met/too young to remember, or ever heard of before until now.
MIL had close relationships with these people, but they are not DH’s family (he doesn’t know who they are) I was implying they were MIL’s family because DH has never met or heard of them. So why name a baby after someone in MIL’s family that we have no association with. whereas when I refer to DH’s family, it’s directly family who he grew up with, had a close bond with and who’s death was very difficult to deal with, heartbreaking

No!!

Stick to your guns and use this as an opportunity to make it very clear, very early, that it's your baby and she can butt out unless specifically invited to be physically present or give an opinion.

You know the answer to this is NO. Do not budge on your son's name. He is your and your husband's son. If you give way I think you'll be seeing more of this interference on other matters in the future. Thin end of the wedge and all that.

It sounds hellish so if she persists just call her 'Val' - short for Valkyrie - each time she mentions it or calls your son 'Junior'. You may be called out for being childish but your response is that she's not being mature herself about your right and your choice.

Tell MIL to bog off!

This sounds like a slippery slope. What else does she think she's entitled to an opinion on?

OP, stand your ground. This sets the standard for how she will try to be around this baby. If you budge here, she'll push at every decision.

You and DH agree on the name for the child, register the child, and brook no further discussions.

Correct her every time she calls him something other than his name. In a few short years, he'll be able to do that for himself if he needs to but for now, set the pattern. Limit contact if needs be, until she realises how serious you are.

Congratulations on the birth of your son. Hunker down and enjoy this very special time together.

I would say to DH ‘I carried him, I pushed him out, I haemorrhaged, I have final say, I have included YOUR family names. I can’t incorporate the names of FOUR grandparents’s ancestors NEITHER you or I have ever met. That’s it. The end. Sorry you’re Mum is upset, but she’s ruining this time for us. I like the name, you like the name and so does everyone else.’

The point is your mil has no right to get you to change your baby’s name whatever the background or history of family names.

Give the baby the name you and OH originally agreed. If your OH is kicking off remind him he was happy before his mother got in his ear. I'd also remind him that his mother had the opportunity to pick her names when she had her babies and now it's your and his opportunity. Don't give your kid a name that's a compromise. It will be with him and you forever.

You are overthinking this. Tell DH it’s a no to changing the baby’s name and he’s not to mention it again. He needs to tell his mother that the name choice is between you and him and it’s not up for any further discussion.

My exMIL told us she didn’t like the name we chose for one of our DC. My reply was ‘never mind, you’ll get used to it’ and I told her to leave the house when she tried to argue about it! You are being too nice towards someone who is manipulative and unreasonable (I understand why FIL divorced her!). Use your tiredness and pregnancy hormones to tell her to shut up about it.

And that is why you are using that name! End of.
Use your hormones as an excuse to tell her to shut up and stop being such an interfering old bat.

It is none of her business.

Your child, your choice of name. MIL has no rights, no say in this.

for you, stick to your guns. I also feel sorry for your DH as this is an indirect (or even direct) dig at him.

Doesn't like the name even though DH is Welsh because of her divorce is also disrespecting her own son's heritage.

Doesn't like the middle name for not being from 'her' family even though its one of DH's names so it is in her family - suggests she doesn't really consider DH as family or it doesn't count unless its her dad's name?

Crazy - ignore - go NC for a while if necessary

Do not change his name. If she keeps making comments feel free to say ‘I actually think those two names are awful so other people can obviously do what they want but not my baby. Besides <sweetly> it’s lovely to have this connection to dhs dad, he’s been so supportive!’ You don’t actually just have to grin and bear it. I had a sil say she wasn’t going to use my baby’s nickname and I said well that’s what everyone will call them.

This is one of the reasons I steered clear of any honouring/tribute/sentimental names.

Your MIL is being ridiculous and needs to respect you, your husband and son. Absolutely don't change a thing and your husband needs to grow a backbone and see his mother's behaviour for what is, resentful and manipulative because of the Welsh ex-H issue.

From a grandmothers point of view….

I struggle with my grand child’s name, it’s not to my taste , the spelling is ridiculous, I keep hoping it will grow on me but as of yet that hadn’t happened.

however….. it’s nothing to do with me, it’s not my child, and if you really like the name, then go with it.

Absolutely not.

I don't know whether she's calling herself Nanny or Granny, but as your husband is Welsh, you live in Wales and your son has a Welsh name, I suggest you start calling her Nain...

YANBU. Stick to your guns, tell MIL to butt out and register the birth ASAP.

As his mother, I should be the one who has final say

You've answered your own question!

Please don't change it and ESPECIALLY don't change his first name. How could you cope every time you said or thought his name, knowing that you had been bullied and coerced into changing it?

Stick to your guns.Your baby your choice of name. Please don’t give into this manipulative woman. Congrats on your baby

This is your opportunity to assert firm boundaries with mil.
@97DS
Personally I would ignore her and not argue with your dh. And get baby registered without telling her. If you wanted you could tell her you’ve given the second middle name without putting it on the birth certificate, how would she ever know.
In fact a bit of me would take great pleasure in deceiving her.

Don't you change YOUR baby's name to please this idiot woman. I know for many it's easier said than done but I wouldn't have her in my life at all, she's a selfish lunatic and she didn't even care about your traumatic birth. Ignore her. He's yours. Congratulations and hope you're feel recovered and well now