Should I change my sons name to please my MIL?

[97DS]

Ever since we found out baby was going to be a boy DH and I have had his name chosen. MIL has made subtle digs throughout pregnancy at how she’s not a fan of the name, and if we’ve considered anything else. I just dodge the question and ignore it because I don’t have the energy to argue with her. She can be very opinionated and very stubborn.
baby is now a week old, and not officially registered yet but we have announced his full name to friends/family/social media.
MIL has gone out of her way at every opportunity to make a comment on his name. Even after a traumatic birth which landed me in theatre with major haemorrhaging, her first text to DH was asking what baby’s name is going to be.

She’s been talking to family behind our back saying how disappointed she is, as well as pulling DH aside to privately ask if we would change the name. MIL is purposely avoiding saying his name, and has opted to calling him Jnr instead… That’s just the issue with his 1st name. Keep reading…

she also has a massive issue with his middle name too. DH has 2 middle names (X & Y) and when we chose baby’s name, we decided to use middle name Y so it followed the family tree as a tribute to the dads (Y runs quite far back in the male side of the family tree) and also, Y is my fathers middle name too so it seemed very sentimental to us all.
We’ve had a lot of compliments on his name from DH’s side of the family because we chose middle name Y. But MIL has kicked off BIG TIME. Pulling out crocodile tears and directly asking DH to change the middle name to something that tributes MIL’s family instead.
However, there’s only 2 male names to pick from if we were to consider it, and both names are awful, I genuinely don’t like them, and they don’t even go with baby boys 1st name, and would make the surname seem like a mouthful if you were to say it out loud.
My argument is, it’s not her baby so it’s not her business what his name is. She had the opportunity 30 years ago to tribute her family and that’s why DH’s middle name is X. But baby’s name isn’t meant to be a tribute to her family, it’s a tribute to DH’s family, as well as my own.

Yes we could just keep the peace and add a 2nd middle name that she wants, but I don’t want that. As his mother, I should be the one who has final say and I don’t want him to have 2 middle names, and I certainly don’t want to change his name under the pressure and influence of MIL. DH has agreed with me throughout pregnancy what his name is, but now MIL is getting into his head and playing a guilt card, DH is now having 2nd thoughts because he doesn’t like to upset MIL. I know it’s not what he wants either but his MIL is so good at minipulating everything to get her own way. She puts words into DH’s mouth and convinces him they’re his own. So now DH and I argue over this.
what’s your thoughts? AIBU to stick my guns and keep my sons name how it is, or should I reason with MIL, and change the name just to keep her happy?

You absolutely MUST stick to your choice in this. Do not give an inch. Your MIL sounds awful. Awful people don’t get rewarded. Because they only get more awful, not less.

Tell MIL she had her chance naming her children. Let you guys be, if you and dh pick a different name than before that's up to you. You don't need her approval. She will get used to the name and move on

Absolutely don’t change your baby’s name! This is your baby. She has no say at all. She is absolutely ridiculous

I suppose you could give him 'interfering old bat' as middle names & tell her you chose those in honour of her?
Seriously, she should be glad that she has a beautiful healthy grandchild & BUTT OUT.

Why do people get so het up over, Name your boy what you like.
🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

It sounds more like her taking a dig at her ex-husbands background than the name.

Echoing other posters - this IS the hill to die on. For all the reasons mentioned as well as the fact that Welsh have fought hard to have their heritage & language recognised. I’d go a step further & use Welsh for terms of endearment, but then I can be passive aggressive to hammer home a point 🤣 Tell her opinion is ‘dim gwerth rhech dafad‘

Bollocks to that!

She had her chance at naming a baby when she gave birth to your DH.

This is yours and his turn and you have already agreed and announced your sons name.

Do not give in.

Not.one.millimetre.

Let her strop with her crocodile tears, but have a quiet word and tell her she has damaged the relationship you have with her and in turn the relationship she will have with your son.

What will you and your DH do when your family, and his extended family give your baby possibly sentimental gifts with his original "old" name on for Christmas?

Do not give a bloody inch, and I’d lose it with my husband if he didn’t have my back on this.

I do find this bizarre though: DH has 2 middle names (X & Y) and when we chose baby’s name, we decided to use middle name Y so it followed the family tree as a tribute to the dads (Y runs quite far back in the male side of the family tree)

Isn’t that why men already get to pass on their surname to children?! So now they need a surname and a middle name as a tribute to their (male) family?

I can't believe the manipulative , selfish , drama queen fool is crying over a middle name that is honouring both her own son (so her family anyway!) and your family and trying to get your husband to feel guilty when you had a traumatic birth and its lucky you and your son are now safe and well because it very easily could have been very different. You are completely in the right and if you gave in then she would likely try it on with other things in the future. I'm sorry you have had this shit to put up with on top of everything else , but use it to remain strong in the future when she's acting up again xxx

There is absolutely no way I'd be backing down and if she continues with the "junior" shit I'd also be making it clear that if she didn't cut it out her access to the baby would be severely limited.

You neither need nor want a bullying influence in your child's life. She needs to be behave, and rapidly. Your husband also needs to decide whether being married to you is more important than treading on eggshells around his xenophobic mother.

Frankly even if you've called your son Caernarfon I'd be backing you all the way reasonably certain you won't have done this

If your DH is wavering...show him the thread.
There's a fairly decent 98% of us that would show his Mum the door and possibly kick her arse for good measure on the way out

I don’t think I worded it right but what I meant by DH’s family was implying him- he is the direct family link for the Y name because it’s his middle name firstly.
The Y name came from a longer line before him, and was his grandads name. He had a very close relationship with grandad before he passed.
There’s only 2 male names on MIL side of the family. Both deceased before DH Was born/old enough to know them, and both of these people DH had never met or heard much of. It’s MIL who had the relationship with these people, so I don’t see why we should consider adding or changing the name to honour someone that doesn’t mean anything to us/DH.

I'm a Grandmother and Great Grandmother and have 14 Grandchildren and 3 Great Grandchildren. When those children were named I wasn't always very keen initially. But then it wasn't my place to give an opinion. I'd had my chance to name babies when mine were born. Now I love every name, because I associate each one with a much loved child or young person.
Your Mother in Law doesn't have the right to insist you change your child's name. She should have swallowed her disappointment, and said, as I always did, "What a lovely name".

My dm didn't like our name and mil wanted a family middle name. We carried on with our choices.

If you can't have autonomy as a new parent, when can you? They've had their time.

I cannot imagine dictating to my kids like this. Only if they wanted a name like Knob would I have an opinion.

Oh please do this 😅😅

YABU.

Equally, for balance, no-one really gives a sh*t about middle names. Excepts MILS.

We live in wales already, and funnily enough, SO DOES SHE 😂 can’t hate the Welsh that much if you still leave here

Sorry - yaNbu. MN really needs an edit button.

@Chooksnroses you sound like a lovely MiL, wish there were more of you lol

Even if I preferred her choice over yours I’d still say don’t do it. It’s not her call to name your baby!

She can fuck off

The fact that she lives in wales… WTAF 🤣🤣🤣

You don't want to change it
That's all that matters

Your point makes sense however for us the middle name was more sentimental than the surname. They all have the same surname by default because like you said it’s the dads last name given usually, but us having full control over the middle name and deciding to use it was very meaningful to DH’s family, whereas the surname itself is not meaningful it was expected