Should I change my sons name to please my MIL?

[97DS]

Ever since we found out baby was going to be a boy DH and I have had his name chosen. MIL has made subtle digs throughout pregnancy at how she’s not a fan of the name, and if we’ve considered anything else. I just dodge the question and ignore it because I don’t have the energy to argue with her. She can be very opinionated and very stubborn.
baby is now a week old, and not officially registered yet but we have announced his full name to friends/family/social media.
MIL has gone out of her way at every opportunity to make a comment on his name. Even after a traumatic birth which landed me in theatre with major haemorrhaging, her first text to DH was asking what baby’s name is going to be.

She’s been talking to family behind our back saying how disappointed she is, as well as pulling DH aside to privately ask if we would change the name. MIL is purposely avoiding saying his name, and has opted to calling him Jnr instead… That’s just the issue with his 1st name. Keep reading…

she also has a massive issue with his middle name too. DH has 2 middle names (X & Y) and when we chose baby’s name, we decided to use middle name Y so it followed the family tree as a tribute to the dads (Y runs quite far back in the male side of the family tree) and also, Y is my fathers middle name too so it seemed very sentimental to us all.
We’ve had a lot of compliments on his name from DH’s side of the family because we chose middle name Y. But MIL has kicked off BIG TIME. Pulling out crocodile tears and directly asking DH to change the middle name to something that tributes MIL’s family instead.
However, there’s only 2 male names to pick from if we were to consider it, and both names are awful, I genuinely don’t like them, and they don’t even go with baby boys 1st name, and would make the surname seem like a mouthful if you were to say it out loud.
My argument is, it’s not her baby so it’s not her business what his name is. She had the opportunity 30 years ago to tribute her family and that’s why DH’s middle name is X. But baby’s name isn’t meant to be a tribute to her family, it’s a tribute to DH’s family, as well as my own.

Yes we could just keep the peace and add a 2nd middle name that she wants, but I don’t want that. As his mother, I should be the one who has final say and I don’t want him to have 2 middle names, and I certainly don’t want to change his name under the pressure and influence of MIL. DH has agreed with me throughout pregnancy what his name is, but now MIL is getting into his head and playing a guilt card, DH is now having 2nd thoughts because he doesn’t like to upset MIL. I know it’s not what he wants either but his MIL is so good at minipulating everything to get her own way. She puts words into DH’s mouth and convinces him they’re his own. So now DH and I argue over this.
what’s your thoughts? AIBU to stick my guns and keep my sons name how it is, or should I reason with MIL, and change the name just to keep her happy?

Tell her to F Off in Welsh.

I agree with absolutely losing your shit at both DH and MIL. Scare them both into dropping this issue. She's being beyond ridiculous. Her Welsh problem is her problem to get over. Also agree with the poster who said that MIL needs a hobby, and other things going on in her life, although that's not for you to sort out

Do NOT consider caving on this issue, or she will be dictating everything for ever more. And stop telling her stuff that she doesn't absolutely need to know

Don't change the name op any name you pick will be a constant reminder of the fact mil caused trouble keep the name you both liked we had something similar now everyone is over it

Also, I've really hated a few baby names in my family, for various reasons, but I just SHUT THE FUCK UP because it's not my business. It really is so easy to do. And after a while you get used to the baby being called that, and forget any negative associations you had with the name.

It really is very easy... I suggest your MIL try it.

You and DH choose the baby's name, not anyone else so stick to your choices.

However I find this sentiment odd:
"But baby’s name isn’t meant to be a tribute to her family, it’s a tribute to DH’s family, as well as my own"

If MiL is DH's mother then her family is DH's family, at least as much as his father's line.

Very true, of course. My point was that the OP doesn’t seem to consider that her MIL is actually her DH’s family. (And with a MIL like that, who can blame her) 🤣

Don't do it . Why should you, she named her babies and I bet she wouldn't have pandered to anyone.

As others have said. Stick to your guns. My DM and my DMIL both disliked our DS’s name, told us, told other family members and friends and insisted on calling him his full name rather than the shortened version for a few weeks. They gradually came round as they both realised everyone else liked it and was using the name we wanted. I bet if you asked my DM now she would say she’s always liked the name!

That was my POV also!

God no. It'll piss you off every time you say or write your son's name.

Personally I would find the longest Welsh name and shove that in also. Your dh needs to man the fuck up.

You shouldn't change his name to please her. It would only be the thin end of the wedge and get worse.

This is AIBU and it’s about a MIL so obviously it’s ridiculous to expect any kind of nuance really but…
we don’t know whether bitterness and resentment associated with ex-H is entirely justified. We don’t know how strong the Welsh heritage is; OP says her DH is Welsh but his mother is not, so actually he’s half Welsh. Why does he identify more closely with his father’s heritage than his mother’s? Do they live in Wales? Speak the language? Is it just that the OP likes the name and because he’s part Welsh can reasonably use it? She also says she should have final say, although someone else has pointed out that it’s a joint decision between her and her DH.
My ex was from a different European country. Our marriage was unhappy and he was a terrible husband and father. If my son were to marry and his wife wanted to choose a name from that language because she liked the sound of it, I know he would veto. If he didn’t, and then added a second name in honour of ex-H’s family I’d wonder what was going on.

Having said all that some MILs are indeed all the things this one is being accused of. Mine told my mother that she should stand back and let her have all the grand-parenting of my children because my DM had another daughter and she could concentrate on her children.

Go and register the name. Today. Put an end to all the debate about it. You and DH agreed, and that is the only thing which counts here.

Jesus no. Do not change his name and do not give in to this because she’ll think she’s a main character in your lives. She’s had her go being a mum.

Stand your ground. I suspect this is a power play. It's certainly a test for your DH and yourself. You cant give her an inch on this. Dont engage in arguments with DH about it either. If he tries to force your hand...take that as a red flag.

He sounds like a wonderful FIL, dad and grandad. And very supportive.
This is your baby and you get to choose the name not Mil, and certainly not because she doesn’t like your lovely FIL.
If you give in now, you are setting yourself up for a life of misery.
Go very LC with her for a few weeks, and tell your DH that you are his priority not his mother. Especially after your traumatic birth experience. You both loved the names so don’t change them. His mother needs to stop being so childish, and I would not hesitate to tell her so.
If Mil starts badmouthing again tell her very bluntly that you won’t put up with her behaviour, and if she does it again she won’t be allowed to visit. You are going to have to set very firm boundaries with this woman right from the start

Err. No just no.

Also life lesson, never ever tell the name before the baby is here. Before and it gets debated. After everyone just had to like it or lump it.

No! Don’t do it! It’s your baby not hers! Don’t even entertain the thought. Don’t discuss it with her - register the name you have chosen, and if she continues to make snide comments about it, tell her you find it upsetting and she either zips it or won’t be having a relationship with him.

Hardly any of the children in my extended family have names I’d have chosen myself but that’s utterly irrelevant. They’re not my children and their names are their parents’ business.

Bloody hell. Absolutely don't do this. It will end up being the thin end of the wedge. What next? Who does she think she is the cheeky cow? Your baby, your choice. Stick to your guns or there will be something else and something else etc....

I’d just say,

MIL we’ve named our son and won’t be changing it. There is no point with the crying, theatrics or repeatedly asking us to change it, we won’t.

So if you need to get your head round that for a while BEFORE you come and see him again that’s fine; just let us know when you’re ready to use his name and be happy for our new family unit and you’ll be very welcome to come and see him again.

This. and whoever said you have a short window to lose your shit and blame the hormones.

I'd be sending one short sharp text to nip it in the bud. Then refuse to entertain it ever again.

As long as she can actually pronounce the name then I would just ignore her, completely your choice, whether she likes it or not doesn’t get a consideration. However, there were a few names I liked for my children that I had to dismiss, as my English mother has never managed to get her tongue round their pronunciations. For example Llinos would be said as Clinos and Emyr as Emma, so for my own sanity I had to go for ones she could actually say.

Of course you shouldn’t change it! He’s your baby not hers. Tell her to butt out. Tell your DH to grow a pair and stand up to her. Tell her if she refuses to use the name she’s not seeing the baby. And change your own name to Myfanwy!

Stick to your guns. Ignore MIL, she has had her naming opportunity with her son. This has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with her.

If it were me I’d just looked perplexed when she goes on and give a tinkly laugh and say ‘oh MIL, you are SO funny’, and then change the subject.