Should I change my sons name to please my MIL?

[97DS]

Ever since we found out baby was going to be a boy DH and I have had his name chosen. MIL has made subtle digs throughout pregnancy at how she’s not a fan of the name, and if we’ve considered anything else. I just dodge the question and ignore it because I don’t have the energy to argue with her. She can be very opinionated and very stubborn.
baby is now a week old, and not officially registered yet but we have announced his full name to friends/family/social media.
MIL has gone out of her way at every opportunity to make a comment on his name. Even after a traumatic birth which landed me in theatre with major haemorrhaging, her first text to DH was asking what baby’s name is going to be.

She’s been talking to family behind our back saying how disappointed she is, as well as pulling DH aside to privately ask if we would change the name. MIL is purposely avoiding saying his name, and has opted to calling him Jnr instead… That’s just the issue with his 1st name. Keep reading…

she also has a massive issue with his middle name too. DH has 2 middle names (X & Y) and when we chose baby’s name, we decided to use middle name Y so it followed the family tree as a tribute to the dads (Y runs quite far back in the male side of the family tree) and also, Y is my fathers middle name too so it seemed very sentimental to us all.
We’ve had a lot of compliments on his name from DH’s side of the family because we chose middle name Y. But MIL has kicked off BIG TIME. Pulling out crocodile tears and directly asking DH to change the middle name to something that tributes MIL’s family instead.
However, there’s only 2 male names to pick from if we were to consider it, and both names are awful, I genuinely don’t like them, and they don’t even go with baby boys 1st name, and would make the surname seem like a mouthful if you were to say it out loud.
My argument is, it’s not her baby so it’s not her business what his name is. She had the opportunity 30 years ago to tribute her family and that’s why DH’s middle name is X. But baby’s name isn’t meant to be a tribute to her family, it’s a tribute to DH’s family, as well as my own.

Yes we could just keep the peace and add a 2nd middle name that she wants, but I don’t want that. As his mother, I should be the one who has final say and I don’t want him to have 2 middle names, and I certainly don’t want to change his name under the pressure and influence of MIL. DH has agreed with me throughout pregnancy what his name is, but now MIL is getting into his head and playing a guilt card, DH is now having 2nd thoughts because he doesn’t like to upset MIL. I know it’s not what he wants either but his MIL is so good at minipulating everything to get her own way. She puts words into DH’s mouth and convinces him they’re his own. So now DH and I argue over this.
what’s your thoughts? AIBU to stick my guns and keep my sons name how it is, or should I reason with MIL, and change the name just to keep her happy?

I think you absolutely should change your baby's name just to appease your MIL.

(I don't actually believe this, but ask a silly question get a silly answer.)

He ONLY wants to include his mummy's family to keep the peace. That's all. He and OP chose the names, yet her husband wants to go back on this and disrespect his wife by letting his manipulative bitch of a mother run roughshod over his and OP's choices. If he makes OP back down now, MIL will always get her way from now on.

So quick to make a judgement. Did it ever occur to you that the situation could have been different? Just imagine for a second the situation below.
DH was choosing names with OP and didn't think about his mother, he liked the idea about honouring two families in one middle name. Then he talks to his mother, and she tells him that she is upset that the baby has Welsh name, his father's surname and the middle name from his father's side, it feels like he has chosen his dad over her given that they are divorced. He considers it and thinks it is important to include heritage from his mother's side into the name too. He is not doing it to keep peace but genially wants to honour her side too. Is he not entitled to change his opinion specially before the baby is officially named in all certificates?
You are talking like he changed his opinion 15 years down the line.
People, chill it is a name, not life or death decision

Your post doesn't add anything. They already chose the names. Initially the husband agreed with his wife, even after hearing his mum out. But she has used wider family pressure and kept on and on and on at him and manipulated him until he broke. He doesn't want to change the names. He is only doing it to 'keep the peace' and in the process, upsetting his wife and being turned against her. Did it ever occur to you to read the OP's posts and understand what she is saying, instead of being so gullible you think her husband just..... willingly changed his mind out of the blue? Come on!

Thank you @Chooksnroses for giving a grandmothers view and letting the love grow. I'm sure each and every child knows they are cherished.

@97DS You have one chance to name your child...why would you let someone else do it for you?

If you'd bought a puppy and decided to call it "Timmy" and MIL had a hissy fit, would you change your pups name?

chill it is a name, not life or death decision

Lol, pmsl. I think it's the MIL that needs to be told this, she is the one acting like it's a life or death decision and she is so obsessed she won't stop and is happy to turn her son against his own wife.

Definitely don't change the name. All this fuss about the name is just a manifestation of her personal issues. She had the chance to name her own children. And you can't honour every side of the family tree without ending up with an overly long and silly-sounding name.

I hate when men put their mothers needs over their partners. If you choose to have a child with someone you should act like an adult not a child and prioritise the person who’s given birth to your child

the woman sounds unhinged. Your H needs to have a firm word with her and state that the child's name is confirmed, deal with it. What a pathetic thing to moan about. Your MIL had her own children, she could have named them in tribute to her family with their names, but didn't so that doesn't mean this now falls on your head. Do not change your child's name because this will not please her, it will just mean she'll move onto something else she doesn't like ie the colour of the nursery, the place you get his first pair of shoes from, what school they go to. Nip this in the bud now. I would also make it clear if she names the child incorrectly, refer to her by an incorrect name.

It's your baby and you and your H choice.

I went through this with my DS. We chose a name that was very original and my partners side were not happy at all. We only told our parents before he was born and told them not to tell anyone as we wanted to keep it a secret until he was born! and they told their whole side of the family and we're frequently discussing the name and how they didn't like it and quite frankly being very rude about it!

I eventually found this out at a family event and hit the roof. Told everyone to mind their own business and it wasn't their concern.

I can now honestly say everyone loves his name and he gets comments about it all the time saying how original it is and sounds powerful.

Stick to what you want. It's honestly no one else's business and she sounds very controlling. It's not her child

Why the hell should the OP give her son a second middle name to please MIL?!?! Doing that will only make MIL worse she will continue with her bullying and manipulative behaviour and it will make her think she has a right to make future decisions for the OP and her DP when it comes to THEIR BABY and if they say no she'll throw her toys out the pram again. The only people who can make that decision is the parents and MIL is not the parent she's the grandmother!

@97DS Don't you dare back down on this, its your baby so its yours and DP decision not hers! If you back down and give in MIL will think she has a right to make other decisions for your baby, she's had her turn naming her babies, now its your turn.

Treat MIL like you would a tantruming toddler ignore the tantrum and don't give in! You wouldn't reward a toddler for tantruming so don't reward an adult tantrum. A toddler doesn't have the self control and understanding thats why they tantrum an adult however should know better If MIL doesn't like it thats tough!

Next time she brings this up OP ask her if she would have let her MIL have a say in your DP name because you can bet she'll say no, then firmly and calmly tell her "MIL WE have picked OUR baby's name and that is what WE are calling him and it is not up for a discussion or negotiation!" If she brings it up again put the phone down, or if you're at hers get up and leave if she's at yours tell her if she doesn't drop it then she can go home as you don't want to hear it. She'll soon learn to keep her beak out when she realises that all she'll get from her behaviour is you and DP avoiding her every time she tries to interfere. It amazes me that these MIL's think they have equal rights and decision making over their grandchildren and can overrule the parents 🙄 hell could freeze over and I still wouldn't pander to anyone who tries to manipulate me into letting them make decisions for me.

Wow! MIL sounds pretty toxic. Definitely do not change your son’s name. It is not her choice and how horrendous that she is spoiling the first few weeks of your son’s life by being so manipulative and horrible. Be firm and stand your ground.

Of course not. she had her chance to name baby’s this is yours and husband choice register your son asap before she wears your husband down or you will be resentful possibly forever your baby should not have a name you don’t like!

Thing is, if you give into this she will muscle in and have a say on every big decision in your lives. Put your foot down and go with your own names. She probably is feeling a little pushed out and a bit jealous. Send her a message “thanks for your input on the babys name but weve decided to go ahead with our original choices and registered him today. Hope to see you soon x” and let that be the end of it 🙃

No he doesn't. He's being manipulated and guilt tripped by his mum

How ridiculous! Tell her to piss off, it's your baby and you can name him what you want. If she doesn't like it, then tell her she can stop visiting. She sounds awful.

Re middle name, tell her she’ll have to wait until you have a girl. Then give MIL’s first name as a middle name.

Re the child’s first name of course it is up to you, but we as a chorus of strangers can’t possibly say anything helpful about it without knowing the name. So I’ll say if it’s something like Rori, yanbu, but if it’s something like Goleuddydd then think again in the interests of the child.

Absolutely nip this in the bud OP. Some MIL’s think they rule the roost. Your baby, your rules and don’t even budge an inch on it. I had to learn the hard way with mine. She wasn’t as bad as that but her behaviour with my first baby made me miserable. I wouldn’t stand for it with my second and I felt so much happier.

Yes, this. I can’t actually believe the op needs to ask.

That is your and OP's assumption. Apparently you all know what is happening in his head

I’m intrigued to know the name and whether it’s a commonly known name or a bit out there?

My grandparents can’t really say or spell my children’s names and make a big point of asking me to remind them of the names but they’re not that strange imo. (Names are African/Arabic but easy to spell etc)

Stick to your guns. I have a friend who was in a very similar situation, she gave in (added a second middle name) and she still regrets it now the child is a teenager! It’s a power trip and MIL needs to hear a ‘no’.

I did read OP's posts. She is understandably upset and blames MIL for her DH's behaviour. But even if she is right, it is still DH's right to change his mind a week in his DS life whatever reason is and instead of having this battle she could just add another middle name. Nothing will change in her DS life. It is a compromise. this is not a battle in war which one needs to win whatever the cost.

YABU to even consider changing your child’s name to please someone else

Oh for heavens sake, of course you shouldn't change the name to suit her. Tell her to grow up and p* off. Disliking everything Welsh because of her ex husband?? She needs to get a life. Stop pandering to her.