Should I change my sons name to please my MIL?

[97DS]

Ever since we found out baby was going to be a boy DH and I have had his name chosen. MIL has made subtle digs throughout pregnancy at how she’s not a fan of the name, and if we’ve considered anything else. I just dodge the question and ignore it because I don’t have the energy to argue with her. She can be very opinionated and very stubborn.
baby is now a week old, and not officially registered yet but we have announced his full name to friends/family/social media.
MIL has gone out of her way at every opportunity to make a comment on his name. Even after a traumatic birth which landed me in theatre with major haemorrhaging, her first text to DH was asking what baby’s name is going to be.

She’s been talking to family behind our back saying how disappointed she is, as well as pulling DH aside to privately ask if we would change the name. MIL is purposely avoiding saying his name, and has opted to calling him Jnr instead… That’s just the issue with his 1st name. Keep reading…

she also has a massive issue with his middle name too. DH has 2 middle names (X & Y) and when we chose baby’s name, we decided to use middle name Y so it followed the family tree as a tribute to the dads (Y runs quite far back in the male side of the family tree) and also, Y is my fathers middle name too so it seemed very sentimental to us all.
We’ve had a lot of compliments on his name from DH’s side of the family because we chose middle name Y. But MIL has kicked off BIG TIME. Pulling out crocodile tears and directly asking DH to change the middle name to something that tributes MIL’s family instead.
However, there’s only 2 male names to pick from if we were to consider it, and both names are awful, I genuinely don’t like them, and they don’t even go with baby boys 1st name, and would make the surname seem like a mouthful if you were to say it out loud.
My argument is, it’s not her baby so it’s not her business what his name is. She had the opportunity 30 years ago to tribute her family and that’s why DH’s middle name is X. But baby’s name isn’t meant to be a tribute to her family, it’s a tribute to DH’s family, as well as my own.

Yes we could just keep the peace and add a 2nd middle name that she wants, but I don’t want that. As his mother, I should be the one who has final say and I don’t want him to have 2 middle names, and I certainly don’t want to change his name under the pressure and influence of MIL. DH has agreed with me throughout pregnancy what his name is, but now MIL is getting into his head and playing a guilt card, DH is now having 2nd thoughts because he doesn’t like to upset MIL. I know it’s not what he wants either but his MIL is so good at minipulating everything to get her own way. She puts words into DH’s mouth and convinces him they’re his own. So now DH and I argue over this.
what’s your thoughts? AIBU to stick my guns and keep my sons name how it is, or should I reason with MIL, and change the name just to keep her happy?

What is it with grown men and thier mothers! Stick to your guns and dont change anything oh and tell her not to call baby Jr either. Bloody cheeky cow.

Your child, your choice of name. She has no vote in this whatsoever and is being a total brat about it by the sounds of things. Who does she think she is asking your husband to change it?! So rude.

In the nicest possible way, I would suggest putting your foot down now, because how you respond to this will set a precedent for how much she expects to boss you around in relation to your son for the rest of his childhood. I wish I had stood up to my MIL earlier about her opinionated, bolshy behaviour when my child was first born. I didn't, I tried to humour until the point where I lost patience with her, my messages to her became less and less frequent and now I just don't talk to her at all. I do wonder if we still would talk if I had just established boundaries of what I consider acceptable behaviour early on!

Under no circumstances change his name.

We didn’t tell anyone in advance of our choice, and when MIL came to the hospital and we told her she laughed out loud …Then said …’ Noooo, ha ha, ha , (more laughing) what is his name really?’

And MILs wonder why they get bad press.

Do not change it.

Your MIL had her turn at choosing names for babies. If she wants another turn, she can have another baby. Oh, wait a minute ...

And your husband needs to grow a pair.

DO NOT EVEN CONSIDER IT FOR A SECOND
and yes I did mean to shout that!

This is beyond outrageous OP.
Your baby you decide not this absolute batshit crazy woman.

If your husband doesn't tell her then you should. Honestly I'm so angry for you.

I became a granny this year. I love the name my son and DIL have chosen for their daughter, but even if I didn’t, there is only ONE thing I would have said, and that is “It’s lovely - I love it”.

I only had sons, so I never got to name a girl, but even that didn’t make me think I had any right to input into their choice of name for their baby.

When I was pregnant with my second DS - we were deciding between three names. We’re we’re open to hearing peoples opinions and my mum said she didn’t like one of the three.

When he was born we decided to use the name mum didn’t like.

My mum came in and I said “this is {sons name} - sorry you don’t like it!”

and my mum said “I do now!”

Thats how mums should behave!

You shouldn't change the name for MIL. But I think you have to have a genuine discussion with your DH instead of automatically saying he's been manipulated by a woman who has very strong ideas on the baby's name

Call the child what you want to. Even if you bended to her iron will and strange obsession with names, you will never hear the last of it. She will still be going on about it to everyone including the postman. "They wanted to call the baby X but I put a stop to that nonsense...I am always right"

OP might want to give her daughter her own mother's middle name.

Responding here to a separate post:

she is upset that the baby has Welsh name, his father's surname and the middle name from his father's side, it feels like he has chosen his dad over her given that they are divorced.

Welcome to the female world. We are constantly having a man's name chosen above our own - for some it's an informed personal choice to take a husband's name on marriage but many women do still come under pressure to conform. I know people who married some time ago, before a refusal to relinquish your own family name was the done thing, and many say they regret it and would make a different choice if they had their time over. Amazingly, some people still also think women are under a legal obligation to do so.

Parents choose the name of the baby. This isn't a process of negotiation.

Hell no.
If she doesn't like your names, presumably the only way to keep her happy (for now) would be to let her choose them herself.
Even if you called the baby Boaty Mcboatface it's not her baby or her decision in any way.

Baby McBabyFace does have a certain ring to it.

Do not change it.
If she feels like she gets her own way on this - she will continue to pull stunts like this throughout your dcs life. I would point blank refuse to discuss it further with her and dh. If she senses you are giving in, she will keep chipping away. Make it clear you are not changing names and that’s it.

She sounds horrible, you have my sympathy.

Don't you dare change your gorgeous baby's name!

I am sat here thinking of all those fabulous Welsh male names. (I bet his name is adorable. 🥰)

Tough titty she can't bear anything Welsh any longer.🤬 Your baby, your choice!

Please get him registered urgently.

Who are these people who think they get to have that much of a say on other people's lives? Don't do itOP or it will set the way for all other decisions that has fuck all to do with her.

People usually pick middle names either because they like them, or to honour someone. You've decided to honour just the men in your family. It is what it is. It doesn't sound like you have a particularly good relationship with your MIL anyway, so including her in the name probably won't change anything anyway.

Personally, if it was me, and we all had the husband's surname, I think I would scrap the middle name and use my maiden name as a middle name instead. That way both families are represented.

I now have a sudden compulsion to warble 'Sosban Fach' at the top of my lungs.

According to the OP he was happy with the names until his mum would....not......stop..... harassing...... him. Use common sense. It's not an 'assumption', it's an assumption that he would all of a sudden willingly agree to it. It is very clear to anyone with room level IQ that he is being manipulated and guilt-tripped by his mum. Room level IQ says this. It's not rocket science.

Fuck her.
Your naming and the reasons why sound lovely. She’s had her chance. I would also use family traditions from divorced parents.
of she doesn’t like the name she can not visit, easy.

If you change it to please your MI you will regret it later and quite very likely resent her trust me.

My sister kicked up a big fuss because the name we picked for our daughter rhymes with her daughters name but she's always had to have a say in absolutely every single one of my major life decisions and she loves to sabotage me. A couple years later I'm glad I didn't give in. We worked through her drama as exhausting as it was but we worked hard through that very difficult pregnancy. We take care of the baby and pay for her stuff. We chose her name we have that right!

Don't let anyone take your right to name your baby!

Keep the name - it's clearly important and of sentimental value to you and your husband.

If MIL insists on calling the baby "Jnr" then correct her. Every single time. If she still does it - well then maybe she could call him "My grandson I don't see very often." Imagine in a few years time when he's old enough to understand - how hurtful for him if he realises his Grandma hates his name and a part of his heritage. This needs to be nipped in the bud.

You name YOUR baby what YOU want and that is the end of the story.

Why are in laws so weird, MIL was going mad when baby was THREE days old because why did it not have a bank account yet????

Please don't change the name.

I stood my ground when MIL asked us to include FILs middle name as a middle name for DS and I'm glad I did.

She did huff a bit about us being the first in a long line to not use the name, but I pointed out that baby was getting their surname and DS is an individual and I don't think it's fair to carry about a legacy of other people.

I totally agree that you should stick by your decision and tell Mil that she has no say in the matter.
But, while really involved in something else, a thought arrived and suggested that maybe what is behind in this is that she was overridden in the choice of her baby's name by her Welsh ex. Could that be behind it? It does seem a bit wild of her unless something like that lay behind it.

You are not being unreasonable! Stick to your guns - if you and DH like the name, then that's his name. There's so much more to be thinking about right now!
My Dbrother and DSIL gave their son a name that I and the rest of the family really dislike, but we wouldn't dream of telling them - it would be so selfish and disrespectful. Their son, their choice.
Congratulations!💐