School not letting children leave for lunch without a good reason, AIBU?

[LunchtimePlease]

DC is 7, Year 3.

They’ve always struggled a bit with food but until this year were always fine weight wise so it wasn't noticable or an issue. Then earlier this year a health condition they have took a turn and this has put them right off.

They started refusing to eat school meals and refusing hot meals at night when I sent in packed lunches so they lost weight not enough for concern by GP/HCPs but enough for DC themself to notice and me having to size down clothes.

I asked if I could pick them up at lunchtime and bring them back in time for the afternoon. They get 1hr 10 minutes for lunch and I live less than 15 minutes’ walk from school. The few times I’ve been allowed to take DC out at lunchtime for appointments I’ve always managed to get them back 10-15 minutes before the end of lunch.

School is saying I can’t take DC out of school for lunch without good reason, they’ve said an appointment or due to a half day arrangement sure but just for lunch isn’t a reason and DC will have to learn to eat enough at school. They’ve said they won’t release to me before the end of the school day and the layout of the school means I have to go via the front office/reception which often staffed by either the HT or DHT at lunchtimes.

It feels a bit harsh, I can’t find any laws on lunchtimes, so AIBU to want to at least trial taking DC out at lunchtime until they get better with eating? I’m sure they’ll improve again in a few months and it’s less of an issue in the warmer months anyway.

So you want to take them out of school at lunch time and leave early daily too. Will a member of staff not need to be around to collect to take to you and reverse back to class?

I think you need to address why they aren’t eating at school
i can’t think of lunch things you’d be making at home you couldn’t be sending in?

@MichelleScarn No I just want to take them out for lunch and then take them back for afternoon lessons

@rainonasunnyday DC has decided they don't like anything at school anymore. They will eat a packed lunch but then don't eat an evening meal because due to their medical condition they're tired, it will get better but it just needs time. If I could take them out at lunch, feed them a hot meal and then take them back to school for afternoon lessons then they wouldn't be losing weight and they'd recover from their flare up quicker too.

Are they eating at home?

kids in primary regularly go home for lunch? Or they do round here. I’d be fighting that. As long as child isn’t late back for lessons surely that’s all that matters? What’s the complaints/escalation process within the school/LA?

You need to push for support from the school to help your son eat there. Your son has lost weight and that is more than enough reason for the school to need to take more action. It may well be very difficult for them and they might not be able to do anything, but if that’s proved to be the case and your sons welfare is deteriorating, then you have valid reason to expect them to allow him to go home for lunch.

@girlmom21 Weekends they eat the hot meal I provide, but at home on school days they're not eating the evening meal as they're too tired.

Suddenly stopping eating at school is quite significant so I'd be wanting to find out what that's about. You said they won't eat a hot meal at home in the evening either so why is that?

Lunchtime at school isn't just about food. Taking them out for an hour everyday means they'll be missing out on valuable social time with their peers, not to mention peers role modelling eating! Isolating them further is likely to make the problem worse in my opinion.

My dd wanted to come home for lunch when she was in Yr 2. No problem and other children did too. After a year or so she decided to have packed lunch.

I don't know why this is a problem. It wouldn't be at my school. What is their reason? Maybe they think it would be detrimental to the child - to be given this concession might set a precedent with other things they don't like doing at school, or they might struggle with friendships if they are missing out on 6 hours of social time every week, or they might struggle to settle back into the afternoon.

I only want to trial it and see if it works/improves the situation. If it doesn't I'm happy to try something else.

I don’t really understand the issue, will they only ever eat the 1 meal?
If they eat a packed lunch they won’t eat dinner, but if you give them a hot lunch will they also eat dinner?

Why do you have to take them out if they will have a packed lunch? A packed lunch doesn’t have to be less calories than a hot lunch, plus you could do a thermos.

I’m not surprised they won’t let you take him out for lunch every day.

If you think that they are not eating their evening meal because they are too tired isn't this what you should be trying to resolve?

Just seen you've said they are too tired to eat a big meal at the end of the day. Can you give them a bigger breakfast, and increase calories in the packed lunch?

@Motnight It's due to their condition that's flared up, it will resolve and it is being treated but it won't resolve overnight and exhaustion is a side affect of the treatment as well.

If they won't eat the hot school lunches, can you drop a home cooked hot meal off at lunchtime for them at school?

How will their eating be different at home? If they dislike school food, can't you give a packed lunch of known liked foods? If they are refusing hot meals at night as well, how will having them home at lunch change this?

Could you go in and sit with him somewhere quiet to eat?

Too much pressure and focus on ‘getting them to eat’. I’d go with school at that age. Give them packed lunch. They can eat it or not, with no comment or encouragement whatever they’ve eaten. Then cook generously in the evening. A decent breakfast, a good after school snack and a decent supper and they’ll get sufficient.

Mine very rarely ate much packed lunch as school halls put many children off eating. I suspect they aren’t alone in not eating much at lunch. Just don’t make it a big issue - which removing them makes it.

It's weird that the school has a problem with it but could you alternatively deliver the hot meal to school instead?

I think if you think it’s worth a try you should be allowed to, but I know with my child I’d really struggle to get them to go back after lunch

@CaronPoivre They eat the packed lunch it's the fact they then won't eat an evening meal and are losing weight due to not having enough calories. They're too tired to eat at night due to the condition they have.

School is saying I can’t take DC out of school for lunch without good reason,

But you've said your son has a medical condition so that's surely the "good reason".
Just ask the HCP involved in your child's care to write a letter saying your DC needs to eat lunch at home.

But it's ridiculous the school are not allowing children to go home at lunchtime.

It's a huge additional logistical burden on the school who then have to make an extra member of staff available to deliver your child to you at the office and collect after. Pain in the arse. Just give your child a more calorific packed lunch. The temperature of the food is irrelevant.