School not letting children leave for lunch without a good reason, AIBU?

[LunchtimePlease]

DC is 7, Year 3.

They’ve always struggled a bit with food but until this year were always fine weight wise so it wasn't noticable or an issue. Then earlier this year a health condition they have took a turn and this has put them right off.

They started refusing to eat school meals and refusing hot meals at night when I sent in packed lunches so they lost weight not enough for concern by GP/HCPs but enough for DC themself to notice and me having to size down clothes.

I asked if I could pick them up at lunchtime and bring them back in time for the afternoon. They get 1hr 10 minutes for lunch and I live less than 15 minutes’ walk from school. The few times I’ve been allowed to take DC out at lunchtime for appointments I’ve always managed to get them back 10-15 minutes before the end of lunch.

School is saying I can’t take DC out of school for lunch without good reason, they’ve said an appointment or due to a half day arrangement sure but just for lunch isn’t a reason and DC will have to learn to eat enough at school. They’ve said they won’t release to me before the end of the school day and the layout of the school means I have to go via the front office/reception which often staffed by either the HT or DHT at lunchtimes.

It feels a bit harsh, I can’t find any laws on lunchtimes, so AIBU to want to at least trial taking DC out at lunchtime until they get better with eating? I’m sure they’ll improve again in a few months and it’s less of an issue in the warmer months anyway.

OP said the GP isn't concerned. A dietetics referral is unlikely if the child isn't underweight.

Have you tried a flask with a hot meal inside as part of the packed? Would the school allow this?

This sounds unmanageable for a school and unfair on other kids

Your children, your choice. Just pick them up?

If they’re too tired to eat once you’re home then it doesn’t matter if they eat their packed lunch at school or at home, surely?
you ay they’re eating their packed lunch so give huger calorie/fat content food.

wherever they eat their lunch, they’re still too tired at home time?
(and an extra 30 minutes a day walking home and back to school at lunch won’t help any fatigue!)

@LafayetteCwenchinglyMcQuaffen precisely. If the GP isn’t concerned then they can’t have lost much weight. Any weight loss in a 7 year old is a concern. I suspect there is more to this. Also if they haven’t lost a concerning amount of weight then treating with supplement drinks is no the right way to go.

How is it unfair on the other kids?

My dd has a thermos that keeps food warm - I send soup, pasta etc. can you do that and add in some high calorie food as well, such as full fat yogurt and cheese and butter in sandwiches.

It’s an everyday occurrence in many places.

in what way is a child having a different lunch to another child unfair?

The issue here is he hasn't got the energy to eat so.making the poor kid walk an extra 30 minutes a day isn't the answer maybe look into doing reduced hours at school until he's feeling better. If he was an adult and had an illness that made him so tired his basic needs aren't being met he would be getting a sicknote for work

It's terrible when you've got a sick child who is losing weight. Such a worry.
It's odd that they won't allow children to go home for lunch. Never heard of this before.
Is he learning much if he's that tired? Is it worth keeping him home for a while?

Maybe a reduced hours school day rather than a 30 min walk there and back would be more beneficial to conserve the calories he needs and to allow him to recover.

Totally agree with this. I always have something for my DCs straight after school, favourite after school treat is a donut it gives them a boost. If we have clubs or activities they get more and some days it’s definitely better to feed them as soon as we get home.

OP have you tried cooked breakfasts? I’ve found when I give my DCs a cooked breakfast they are more awake and focused in the mornings.

If your DS is too tired to eat in the evenings could you do something like a smoothie or glass of high fat chocolate milk. I suffer chronic fatigue and lifting my head from the pillow hard enough at times let alone eating, but drinking a smoothie through a straw is a lot easier to do.

I do not think legally the school can insist he stays for lunch this is why there is a morning and afternoon register,
you just need to inform school they have no legal right to insist a child stays for lunch
yes they might miss socialising etc but legally they only need to attend for the education part ie 9-12 and 1-3pm or whatever the hours are
it is like leaving school alone at 3pm as soon as you ( the parent) write a letter to the headteacher, saying " johnny has my permission to leave school and walk home himself " then they can't detain johnny whatever their policy on whether he is in Y4 y5 or y6, social services are only interested if it is a safeguarding risk specific to Johnny that it should not be allowed ( ie knowing the tempermant and character of Johnny and the fact that he lives a mile away across 2 main roads it is unsafe rather than I know Johnny only lives 6 houses away from school but i only want y6 walking home alone even though there is no risk in Johnny walking 90 seconds alone at age 8) they are not remotely concerned with the headteachers policy is

I find anything /vaguely/ liquid and compact keeps warm better, ie. soups, potatoe mash, pasta in sauces, things like stews, risottos.