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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School not letting children leave for lunch without a good reason, AIBU?

115 replies

LunchtimePlease · 14/11/2022 19:00

DC is 7, Year 3.

They’ve always struggled a bit with food but until this year were always fine weight wise so it wasn't noticable or an issue. Then earlier this year a health condition they have took a turn and this has put them right off.

They started refusing to eat school meals and refusing hot meals at night when I sent in packed lunches so they lost weight not enough for concern by GP/HCPs but enough for DC themself to notice and me having to size down clothes.

I asked if I could pick them up at lunchtime and bring them back in time for the afternoon. They get 1hr 10 minutes for lunch and I live less than 15 minutes’ walk from school. The few times I’ve been allowed to take DC out at lunchtime for appointments I’ve always managed to get them back 10-15 minutes before the end of lunch.

School is saying I can’t take DC out of school for lunch without good reason, they’ve said an appointment or due to a half day arrangement sure but just for lunch isn’t a reason and DC will have to learn to eat enough at school. They’ve said they won’t release to me before the end of the school day and the layout of the school means I have to go via the front office/reception which often staffed by either the HT or DHT at lunchtimes.

It feels a bit harsh, I can’t find any laws on lunchtimes, so AIBU to want to at least trial taking DC out at lunchtime until they get better with eating? I’m sure they’ll improve again in a few months and it’s less of an issue in the warmer months anyway.

OP posts:
TomTraubertsBlues · 14/11/2022 19:15

I don't understand why you cant give them a big packed lunch - enough calories to ger them through. You could include a thermos of soup if you want it to be hot.

Packed lunches don't have to be tiny.

Katapolts · 14/11/2022 19:15

Very weird of the school to be difficult about this!

cansu · 14/11/2022 19:16

Surely rushing around at lunchtime will add to their exhaustion. They will also have to rush their lunch to get back in time. I don't understand how this is helpful. What is their attendance like in general?

Flapjackquack · 14/11/2022 19:16

Can you get a letter from a medical professional to support this, even if you have to pay?

NoSquirrels · 14/11/2022 19:16

I think the only way school will allow this is over your GP agrees it is a medical need.

Focus on high calorie foods in the packed lunch, a filling breakfast (cooked, perhaps) and doing ‘dinner’ as early as you possibly can after school.

And try not to worry too much.

Hopscotch88 · 14/11/2022 19:17

Can you get a doctors note that says something about eating at home to cope with anxiety?
Sounds like a good enough reason to me, but I’d also be working on finding high calorie food that your child will eat and can manage to eat quickly in school.

Katapolts · 14/11/2022 19:17

MolliciousIntent · 14/11/2022 19:15

It's a huge additional logistical burden on the school who then have to make an extra member of staff available to deliver your child to you at the office and collect after. Pain in the arse. Just give your child a more calorific packed lunch. The temperature of the food is irrelevant.

It's a very minor additional logistical burden, and most schools would try to work with the parent to benefit the child's health.

Mountainpika · 14/11/2022 19:17

It was normal when I was a child to go home for lunch. Some ate at school but in all my years from infants to 6th form, (50s - mid-60s) I only ever had one school dinner because my parents were out all day at my brother's graduation. I can't see why the school isn't allowing it. Check the law as to how many hours a child should be in school each day. I wouldn't have thought they could stop a child going home for lunch.

LondonWolf · 14/11/2022 19:17

I'd get a doctors note.

luxxlisbon · 14/11/2022 19:17

@LunchtimePlease They eat the packed lunch it's the fact they then won't eat an evening meal and are losing weight due to not having enough calories.

You don’t have to send a packed lunch that is lower calories compared to a hot lunch though. There isn’t anything about a hot lunch that means it is automatically more substantial!

pinkyredrose · 14/11/2022 19:19

She's got the beginnings of an eating disorder, of course you should be allowed to take her home. She's at school not prison.

Or do the school want to make themselves known as the kind of place that doesn't take mental illness seriously and insists on compliance no matter what?

caringcarer · 14/11/2022 19:19

I don't know why people find this hard to understand the child does not like packed lunch.so.wo t eat it. He will eat hot meal at home at lunch time but no school dinner. Honestly this is not unreasonable school meals are awful. In the evening the child is too tired to eat his hot meal. He needs to go home at lunch time to eat a hot meal then he be will get less tired and might eat in something in evening. School are keeping child as prisoner and not allowing him home for no reason. They can't prevent OP from taking be her son home to eat. I would go and ask GP for letter be staying he needs to go home to eat hot meal at home for lunch time.

Original poster
LunchtimePlease · 14/11/2022 19:19

Thank you will look into higher calorie packed lunches and also discuss it with the HCP involved.

OP posts:
DialsMavis · 14/11/2022 19:20

Can you send in a hot lunch in a flask? DD regularly has filled pasta or gnocchi, DS used like a flasked up jacket potato 😮

LafayetteCwenchinglyMcQuaffen · 14/11/2022 19:21

pinkyredrose · 14/11/2022 19:19

She's got the beginnings of an eating disorder, of course you should be allowed to take her home. She's at school not prison.

Or do the school want to make themselves known as the kind of place that doesn't take mental illness seriously and insists on compliance no matter what?

I feel this is an overreaction.

luxxlisbon · 14/11/2022 19:21

caringcarer · 14/11/2022 19:19

I don't know why people find this hard to understand the child does not like packed lunch.so.wo t eat it. He will eat hot meal at home at lunch time but no school dinner. Honestly this is not unreasonable school meals are awful. In the evening the child is too tired to eat his hot meal. He needs to go home at lunch time to eat a hot meal then he be will get less tired and might eat in something in evening. School are keeping child as prisoner and not allowing him home for no reason. They can't prevent OP from taking be her son home to eat. I would go and ask GP for letter be staying he needs to go home to eat hot meal at home for lunch time.

I don’t know why people find this hard to understand

Ironic considering your summary isn’t accurate at all. He will eat a packed lunch.

Abraxan · 14/11/2022 19:21

MolliciousIntent · 14/11/2022 19:15

It's a huge additional logistical burden on the school who then have to make an extra member of staff available to deliver your child to you at the office and collect after. Pain in the arse. Just give your child a more calorific packed lunch. The temperature of the food is irrelevant.

It's not a huge burden, or shouldn't be.
We do it for a number of children who are on either part time timetables, have appointments or who have medical issues that means they leave at lunch time. Some return, some don't.

It's really not an issue here, and school supports the needs of the children by ensuring it happens.

Flapjackquack · 14/11/2022 19:21

MolliciousIntent · 14/11/2022 19:15

It's a huge additional logistical burden on the school who then have to make an extra member of staff available to deliver your child to you at the office and collect after. Pain in the arse. Just give your child a more calorific packed lunch. The temperature of the food is irrelevant.

Not really, child goes to the school office at lunch, person in office marks them out. OP collects then delivers back, marked back in, walks back to classroom.

MolliciousIntent · 14/11/2022 19:22

Katapolts · 14/11/2022 19:17

It's a very minor additional logistical burden, and most schools would try to work with the parent to benefit the child's health.

Show quote history

An additional member of staff out of the rotation at the beginning and end of lunch, every day, in the middle of an unprecedented staffing crisis, when teachers are massively overstretched and stressed and working through all their free time. It's a pain in the arse and I can well believe the school don't want to facilitate it, when OP could just give her child a more calorific lunch.

girlmom21 · 14/11/2022 19:23

Send a hot lunch in one of those containers that keeps food warm.

If they're too tired to eat an evening meal a 15 minute walk home then back to school to eat a rushed lunch isn't going to make them feel better.

medicatedgift · 14/11/2022 19:23

Surely the calories expended to walk home would cancel out any benefit from eating at home?

MolliciousIntent · 14/11/2022 19:23

The school isn't going to let a 7yr old wander around by themselves though, they'll need someone to take them to the office and back. Or they would at ours.

Blobblobblob · 14/11/2022 19:24

Can they drink protein shakes with every meal and in the evening to bump up calories?

Abraxan · 14/11/2022 19:24

OP, if school is being difficult then you will need to get your child's medical team on your side regarding the matter. You will need some form of medical support from your child's health team that supports that coming home at lunch time will be beneficial to them either short term or long term.

Mumdiva99 · 14/11/2022 19:26

Shouldn't be a massive issue to take a child out at lunch. Buy a good alternative might be a hot food flask - chilli con carne, thick stews with mash or rice, pasta meals etc etc can all be heated in the morning. My son loved hot food like this.