School not letting children leave for lunch without a good reason, AIBU?

[LunchtimePlease]

DC is 7, Year 3.

They’ve always struggled a bit with food but until this year were always fine weight wise so it wasn't noticable or an issue. Then earlier this year a health condition they have took a turn and this has put them right off.

They started refusing to eat school meals and refusing hot meals at night when I sent in packed lunches so they lost weight not enough for concern by GP/HCPs but enough for DC themself to notice and me having to size down clothes.

I asked if I could pick them up at lunchtime and bring them back in time for the afternoon. They get 1hr 10 minutes for lunch and I live less than 15 minutes’ walk from school. The few times I’ve been allowed to take DC out at lunchtime for appointments I’ve always managed to get them back 10-15 minutes before the end of lunch.

School is saying I can’t take DC out of school for lunch without good reason, they’ve said an appointment or due to a half day arrangement sure but just for lunch isn’t a reason and DC will have to learn to eat enough at school. They’ve said they won’t release to me before the end of the school day and the layout of the school means I have to go via the front office/reception which often staffed by either the HT or DHT at lunchtimes.

It feels a bit harsh, I can’t find any laws on lunchtimes, so AIBU to want to at least trial taking DC out at lunchtime until they get better with eating? I’m sure they’ll improve again in a few months and it’s less of an issue in the warmer months anyway.

Depends on school layout. We have children moving round school without an adult to go to specific locations for a range of reasons - toilet, another classroom, the main office, etc.
Obviously this may be different if the child has to cross an outside playground, but if in one building, even if with stairs, it should be no issue for a year 2 child to make their own way to the office. Infact in some of our classes the office is closer than the toilets, which they go to in their own much more often.

As I say, we facilitate this for a range of reasons and there is little burden to staff. Only reception children are escorted to the main office and we have sufficient staffing to enable it to work.

Are school actually allowed to refuse to release your child to you? Regardless of what they would prefer.

I don't. You really need to be careful with something like this, it could trigger anorexia and all sorts of disordered eating.

Year 3 is juniors, we were definitely allowed to walk to the toilet/office etc on our own at that point. It’s not like the child will be leaving school grounds unattended.

Have you actually read any of the OP’s posts?!

They will eat a packed lunch

Maybe try reading carefully yourself before wondering why other people find things hard to understand…

I don't see an issue with this if you're picking them up when lunch begins and having them back in time for class afterwards. How can they say they won't hand them over, they're your children!! Mummy trumps teacher

A year 3 child can walk to the office. It doesn't need an additional member of staff.
You know children that age go to the toilet alone, take messages to other classes, go to music lessons?

Also. A meal being hot doesn't make it more nutritious

If the school can’t work with you on this the realistic alternative is an extended absence as the school aren’t meeting your child’s medical needs and if your child’s condition meets the definition of disability for the purposes of the Equality Act they are also falling foul of disability discrimination law which is not a good look. Might be worth reminding them of this then potentially getting the child signed off so they can eat a big lunch and lots of snacks throughout the day, and rest and feel better.

Your job will grant you the time off to do this?

What’s that got to do with anything?! None of your business springs to mind.

@Mariposista I WFH and can organise my own diary (civil service) as long as my work gets done work don't care when. The days I'm in the office are getting fewer (as in once per month at the moment) so those would be the days to start with I'd try DC with a school lunch again.

I completely agree that the school should be working with you to resolve the issues before they become worse. However I don’t see how a hot lunch is better than a packed lunch? There are plenty of higher calorie options you can put in a packed lunch. The walk home and back and rushed lunch sounds quite tiring even to me as an adult. It also makes your child feel different and highlights an issue to them and their peers which could make the problems worse. Could you take a lunch box when you collect too? They could eat that on the way home when they have more energy. I’d also focus on a higher calorie breakfast.

I go through this every winter with my daughter.she gets ill then refuses to eat for months! School encourage but she still doesn't eat.They actually asked if I wanted to bring her home for lunch but she has asd and would want this permanently as it would become a routine.
We now don't stress as much and she has a pedisure drink at lunchtime and picks so at her lunch.

Have you looked into those milkshakes - my nan used to have something called complan

Fair enough

Some good ideas here thank you everyone, will look into high calorie drinks/milkshakes and foods for lunch as well.

I don't want to other my DC, I want them to be in school if possible including at lunchtimes, but I feel at the end of my tether with it. But some good ideas here.

My son has ASD and has never really ate at school. The dinner ladies used to try and force him to eat but he refused. He's year 11 now and does not eat anything before school or at school then will come home and eat. He's always had a small appetite.

I have similar issues with my DS who is also Y3. He recently started ADHD meds which limit his appetite during the day so he doesn't eat his packed lunch most days (has sensory issues which means he never eats school dinners). I've started giving him Paediasure milkshakes twice a day. It's not ideal but he is a stick and I'd rather that than him losing more weight. He has one in the morning and one after school.

Where do you buy those from?

This - this is serious. See your gp

@NeedAChangeAsIAmSoooOuting I get them from Boots

they lost weight not enough for concern by GP/HCPs but enough for DC themself to notice and me having to size down clothes.

I suspect this is the issue. If you need a special arrangement due to a medical condition such as weight loss the school may want evidence from a professional.

This. School has a duty of care towards your child.

Thank you I'm going to get some. My son was prescribed them by the hospital when his weight was low and really liked them. I haven't seem them in boots before, though I don't often go there.