Christmas Guests

[Username4561]

Am I being unfair?

We normally 'host' my family (my sis her kids and mum) for Christmas Dinner, and I use the word host very loosely.
We use my house as I have younger kids but really it is a team effort, sis and mum pitch, with all of it from buying food to clearing up.

We always extend an invite to PIL who only occasionally accept.

This time ILs want to accept but want us to host SIL and family as well.

Meaning a total of 15 people for dinner, 2 different dietary requirements. ILs aren't the sort to pitch in.

Am I being unfair to say No that 15 is too many people.

[JudgeJ]

@Username4561

Well good for you. We aren't all master chef.

Ta, darling, nor am I, I just prefer to do things my way in my kitchen, not too much to ask!

[JudgeJ]

@forrestgreen

'Dpil, sorry that's too many to host. How about we all come to you on Boxing Day?'

It's just as cheeky as they were.

Or maybe, 'Sorry PILs there isn't enough room for you, just my family, so OH will bring the children over to you for their Christmas day, as a change for them and him and I'll host just my mother and sister'.

[StrawBeretMoose]

OT but I didn't know everyone had sorted food orders already!!

I don't care about fairness and turns at Christmas, your logic is crap OP so just own it that you don't want them over, discuss with DH, make a plan or compromise as married couples do sometimes. And enjoy your Christmas.

[Username4561]

@StrawBeretMoose M&S are already sold out of some stuff. And one of the M&S shops was out of pickup slots last week.

[VickyEadieofThigh]

Those people saying "The more, the merrier" - that'sclearly not the case for the OP, who has neither the room, nor the wherewithall to host these extra people.

[StrawBeretMoose]

@Username4561 but if they've sold out hopefully they will get more stock.
DH usually does our Christmas food shopping so I leave him to it, but he hasn't mentioned anything major yet apart from bringing 2 boxes of mince pies home to see which I prefer. I'm still deciding so have to keep eating them!

[Username4561]

I'd assume they won't. They must know what their capacity is to produce and that's the amount of orders they'll take.

[kateandme]

@StrawBeretMoose

@Username4561 but if they've sold out hopefully they will get more stock.
DH usually does our Christmas food shopping so I leave him to it, but he hasn't mentioned anything major yet apart from bringing 2 boxes of mince pies home to see which I prefer. I'm still deciding so have to keep eating them!

Keep doing this.i even follow the big mince pie and food reviewers online haha.they are so good this time of year though.but can't beat homemade yet.😁

[Pipsquiggle]

@Username4561 it sounds like PIL have had ample opportunities over the years to have you over and host an 'in law' Christmas.

Just on slots / seasonal products (I work in retail) - I would get your orders in ASAP, there are only fixed buys on certain products and also bird flu has completely buggered up turkey planning for all retailers this year

[deeperthanallroses]

The year i was due DD2 and needed a backup plan for DD1. They announced "Oh we are going away for Christmas".
and now they want to spend this Christmas with you and have invited their dd and family as well?
’over my dead body’ I think! How about ‘last Christmas was so stressful with dd2 on the way and trying to find someone who could watch dd1 that we plan to enjoy this Christmas properly and couldn’t possibly host that many.’

[Valeriekat]

@VickyEadieofThigh

Those people saying "The more, the merrier" - that'sclearly not the case for the OP, who has neither the room, nor the wherewithall to host these extra people.

Only the more the merrier if they bring their own food, drinks and presents though.
It doesn't have to a sit down, served up meal. I vividly remember being perched on my Mums makeup stool at the corner of the table! (She still has it)

[saraclara]

The PILs should be invited. It's not fair for your own mother and sister to always be prioritised. But no, your PILs don't get to invite SIL and family too. 15 is way too many.

And this whole 'get them to bring a course' wouldn't work for me either. I'm not generally a control freak, but I hate pale turning up with their contribution. I feel I need to be in control of the meal and know exactly what I have and what I'm dealing with. My worst hosting nightmare is people walking in with armfuls of food that I suddenly have to find kitchen space and serving dishes for among my already laden work tops. Oh, and the of the items "just need a few minutes in the (already full) oven"
And anyway what they've brought doesn't fit in with the rest of the menu. But if you don't put it out they're hurt. Ugh.

[Username4561]

I think bringing courses is a faff too.

I remember spending hours in the kitchen on Christmas Eve preparing food.
Then someone suggested trying M&S. Game Changer sit together decide what we fancy order it and whoever is best placed to collect, collects it.
It's a Team effort and always has been.

[ZeldaWillTellYourFortune]

It doesn't sound that bad. I'd switch to a buffet and have a sort of "open house" where people can stop in as they wish, rather than a timed Christmas dinner. And graze from the buffet.

But if you don't want to, it's reasonable to suggest a pub meetup on Boxing Day or something similar.

[American6pie]

Not being unreasonable because it sounds like the other person isn't true to their words.... They might say they will agree with certain conditions but my guess is that something might happen at the last minute and you will be stuck with filling in the gaps and I gather that the stress is not worth it...

[Sherrijojo73]

So you have your parents and sis and kids every year but can't host your hubby 's parents and sister and her kids. I live in a 1079 sq ft home and I am disabled from fibromyalgia and I host 15 every holiday. Now that my health is worse, everyone helps especially my hubby. Have you asked him if he would like to have Christmas with HIS family. You are being irresponsible. I cook a meal thanksgiving and then Christmas we and all the kids make cookies and candy and I do a sandwich tray from Publix. Makes it much easier and a great tradition

[Sherrijojo73]

Unreasonable not irresponsibe

[MsDee1995]

YANBU. That said, we have hosted up to 40 people in our 1500 square foot home for holidays, and it CAN be done as long as you set up a plan in advance. It helps me to make a list, and to check off things as I get them done.

Certain dishes can be prepped in advance, and refrigerated until it's time for baking. Just take it out in the morning, so that it can get to room temp before it goes into the oven!

Another tip, is that YOU DO NOT need to get out all of the good China, glassware, flatware, etc...

Believe me, your family will care more about being able to be all together, than they will worrying about your place settings. Get the upgraded Chinet plates, and use the aluminum throw away pans for roasting and baking, which will keep your dishwashing to a minimum.

If they want to all be together, they won't care. Let them know that if they want to do this, that this will be the only way that you can handle it.

When we have parties (and we entertain quite a bit, anywhere from 25- 125 people!) I do ALL of the cooking, and my hubby does all of the set up-inside & outside. It just takes organization and planning. (Thank goodness the 125 person party is only once a year, lol!) It takes me almost 3 days to get it all done, but we do it, and you can too! We never allow our guests to bring anything because we just want them to have a great time. I don't even remember the last time I only hosted 15 people, lol! Good luck, and have a wonderful holiday!

[Username4561]

Believe me, your family will care more about being able to be all together, than they will worrying about your place settings

If they care about being together they can host. I'm not stressing myself out for other people.

[chella2]

If you are getting M & S stuff I don't really see why it's so much of a hassle. It's all ready prepared just to shove in the oven isn't it? There's no real cooking involved. Just add some extra bits of whatever is available, or ask the in laws to bring a side dish or pudding each.

I get the impression you just don't like them very much, given comments about not being your back up for the birth of DC 2, favouring their DD etc. Perhaps Christmas could be time for a new start? They are your DHS family after all.

[FatimaHatima]

@nightbulb

I think you’re being very selfish. If this were being written by your ILs the question would be very different:

AIBU for being upset that our family is split up every Christmas because DIL/SIL only ever wants to spend it with her side of her family?

And the answer would be a firm YANBU.

I don’t think you’ve realised that by doing what you do you are putting DH’s family in a very difficult and unfair position every year. Why is it ok that they never have a family Christmas together in order that you can? You’re making it very clear they are not a priority in your life which is a much bigger part of the problem here than whether you have to fill a few more plates on Christmas Day.

You say that the SIL on your DB’s side has had plenty of “stress-free” Christmas’ with “just them”. You say stress free as if somehow this makes their life easier not to be there and you are hard done by having to host. Perhaps they felt they have to do that as they don’t feel welcome at yours (which they clearly aren’t), and what other options do they have let’s face it? Why wouldn’t it also be ok for your mum, sister and her kids to have a “stress-free” Christmas one year so you could see the ILs and you see your side of the family between Christmas and NY for a change?

I think this is your PILs way of saying to you that they also want their family to be together at Christmas, but they can’t do that because of the choices you make. They’d also be right as the only thing you’re seeing is the work involved for you and your family to have them there.

There are plenty of other ways to have Christmas together that don’t involve one person hosting a sit down meal for 15 people. I think if you really thought about their perspective and what your choices mean for your DH’s family then you’d consider them.

I don't think you've read any of OP's posts, because this is pure fiction. Read, apologies to OP, and try again.