I am not the keeper of all things - AIBU to be annoyed with DH

[SpookyPanda]

My DH has taken to asking me "do we have any xyz?" "Is the xyz dirty" "where are my xyz?" Its giving me rage. Today he was asking if we had any sellotape - he was right by the place the sellotape lives and I was in the middle of dealing with toddler DC.

AIBU to snap?!

This morning he asked where is shirt was - we do our own washing so how would I know?!

No of course not. But have you pointed out this behaviour? He may not be aware he does it but have got into some hideous habit!

Point it out with a chat and then have a calm response ready for the times he forgets while he gets used to not being a dick.

Yep my Dh is the same …hopefully someone will be along with some advise on stopping it!!

Practise saying "I don't know" calmly and disinterestedly whilst not looking up from what you are doing.

Just say I don't know, or oh dear.

You're likely irritated because of your impulse to sort it for him, while you are busy doing something else. That's your impulse. You can just decline involvement.

Have some fun with it! Next time he asks where the sellotape is tell him you think you saw a roll under the bed in the spare room. And let him go look for it. then say "oh sorry I thought I saw it there".

After 4-5 days of constantly doing this he'll stop asking - but i'd definately enjoy doing it and sniggering to myself.

I have done this so many times. He just goes "well I can't find it" and then I give in and find the thing usual in front of his eyes. Do you think as he never used to do this it's something for him to see a doctor about?

You just need to reply with the same answers, every bloody time.

Where is xyz ? 'I don't know'
Do we have any xyz ? 'I don't know'
Is the xyz dirty ? 'I don't know'

If you never have an answer for him, he'll eventually stop bloody asking and look for himself !

My partner does this with the dishwasher, as he stands there in front of it. Opens the door and asks, is this clean or dirty?

Just look inside and you shall find out! I can't remember if it's clean or dirty, the bloody thing goes on 3x a day.

I guess I need to speak to him calmly and see if this is genuinely something he is struggling with or if he's just being lazy and thinks I'm his assistant

Ah, you said it yourself OP then I give in...

Don't bloody well 'give in' then !

@toastedcat Yes!!! I get that so many times. "Is my washing dry yet" yesterday- he hung it up himself!

@floradora hit the nail on the head and this works well! I’m a people pleaser by nature (which I hate) so my default setting us to stop what I’m doing to find the item. 🙄
But I now do this as my DH kept asking me where stuff was or what’s the date/time (with an iPhone in hand and could check himself).

Right ok so I need to practice staying calm and being hopeless and sending him on a wild goose chase every so often. I shall try that next time.

DenholmElliot11 · Today 12:03
Have some fun with it! Next time he asks where the sellotape is tell him you think you saw a roll under the bed in the spare room. And let him go look for it. then say "oh sorry I thought I saw it there".

After 4-5 days of constantly doing this he'll stop asking - but i'd definately enjoy doing it and sniggering to myself.“

👏👏👏 🤣

My dh does this. He will ask me where HIS glasses are or where HIS car keys are.
I simply say ‘I don’t know ‘ and ignore him

My life 100%.
Had the exact argument this morning with DH as he huffed around the kitchen about whether something was dirty or not, and ended up shouting ‘if you’re stood next to it, and can see it, and it looks dirty, then it is’. Somehow I’m now in the wrong now.

Where is a good place to look for clean clothes?

This is why the dentist tells me off for clenching my teeth ...

No, it's learned helplessness. He knows you will get/find it for him, so he takes the easy option. I assume that, for example, he manages to know where things are at work and doesn't expect colleagues to fetch stationery for him or find his 'lost' jacket for him? Didn't think so.

I make an exception for glasses. Finding them without them is a frequent problem in this house.

My husband used to do this. Like all the time, drove me nuts, so I simply don’t react. I stare straight ahead and say dunno. It stopped. The trick is don’t interact and never tell him. Even when you know.

He just goes "well I can't find it" and then I give in and find the thing usual in front of his eyes.

Problem of your own making!

Stop it before you end up with a clueless child as well.

I find 'I don't know, where do you think it might be?' quite useful.

Or

'Its wherever you left it'

Do talk about it though, that's probably much healthier than passive aggressive measures.

In the case of my ex, it was an extension of the 'wifework' idea, the assumption that because I have a vagina, I must therefore do everything and know everything.

My husband struggles to find anything that's not where he thinks it's supposed to be (or if it's been moved somewhere else, no matter how close to its original home). It's like he can't see and he can't search. It does annoy me sometimes, but I also understand it's partly my fault if something is not where it should be (he's extremely tidy in that sense so it's my fault for not putting it back where it belongs 99% of the time).

The standard answer in this house is "Dans ton cul?"