I am not the keeper of all things - AIBU to be annoyed with DH

[SpookyPanda]

My DH has taken to asking me "do we have any xyz?" "Is the xyz dirty" "where are my xyz?" Its giving me rage. Today he was asking if we had any sellotape - he was right by the place the sellotape lives and I was in the middle of dealing with toddler DC.

AIBU to snap?!

@DenholmElliot11 - this makes me laugh - I get from DH have you seen my x y or z . "where did you last put them " "somebody must have moved them " I now just say having reorganised a few things so eg - Shoes - have you look in the shoe rack and down the sides if they were just shoved in.

I don't blame DH too much as he is working very hard but I make a joke of it and whilst he can look with his elbows he has sort of got the message - if you put something where it belongs you may be able to find it.

My exH used to do this when we were married. I'm imagining him totally flummoxed as to where anything is in his house now I'm not there 😂😂

I saw a thread like this before, and someone suggested responding "I'll ask my vagina and let you know" which I think is excellent

Yep, stop helping. Mine is the same, given the opportunity. DS1 (11) has started to go down the same route so I'm doubling down on standing firm now. Many a time you'll now hear DS1 stomping around raging that he can't find his jumper or tie. Thing is, these days I don't know where they are anyway as he just discards them.

I'm determined not to be a slave to them all. DS1 and I had a stand off recently over toast. He feels that I'm his PA and likes me to make it. Which I will if I'm already in the kitchen and can do it without trouble. But I wasn't. He tried to negotiate him putting it in but me buttering it with the logic 'I'm no good at buttering it, I rip it'. He wasn't impressed with my counter that it sounded like he needed the practice then.
Reader, he now makes toast independently.

My teenager does this and I say 'which three places have you looked before you asked me?' to train her out of it but I wouldn't do it to another adult.

Happens a lot in our house with DH and teens.(sometimes even with IL too!)
I usually tell them I am not Ask Alexa. Or to have a mummy look.
In somoe cases I know exactly where the item is and give very detailed instructions on finding it....and they are still unable to locate it!

I lost my rag with ds once I said fave the shelves put out your hand and PICK IT UP! suprise suprise it was there he now says I've looked properly and moved things I still can't find it can you use your mum powers please 😂

You'd think he'd be embarrassed to ask me he's a grown man!

My dh does this but when I say I don't know he replies with yes you do, you know where everything is.
(Which is mostly true but not the point).

Just say "pass. Where did you put it?" And walk off. If you keep finding it he will keep asking

FIL does this with MIL and it drives me nuts. She won't address it and runs around after him constantly finding stuff he can't be arsed to look for. He drives over puts his keys down, sits on the sofa and without fail when it's time to go, asks MIL where the keys are.
Once when she was busy cooking his dinner in the kitchen and he shouted three times from his chair asking where his glasses were, I snapped and said she was too busy, couldn't hear him and to look for them himself.
Don't drop everything to 'help' him, just a neutral 'don't know', and when he starts slamming drawers getting angry don't intervene. I turn the telly up.

.

My reply is usually "the uterus is not a homing device".

DH now has AirTags on just about everything.

I think glasses and any other living aids are the only thing I think this is ok for. Or if he's had a look and can't find them then ask for my help. But it's like he thinks I'm Google sometimes!

Is it bin day? That was a good one.

DH did come up trumps yesterday when he found mine and DS parkrun barcodes admittedly he had lost ours previously and I was very grateful. Just to add some balance!

Isn't this the 'housewife's burden'? You are basically in charge of everything and the oracle- husbands just try and ultimately ask the oracle after trying for <10 microseconds to work it out for themselves?

Every time this happened . I just said
" I'm not your mother "
And repeated it as necessary.
I did it for 2 weeks and have never been asked a lazy arse question again

He has “taken to” doing this? So a recent occurrence?

Well he never used to do it but the last couple of year since we've had DC he's definitely started to rely on me to tell him where things are.

Are you in Birmingham?

I guarantee you it's the latter of these 2 options.

DH does this. It doesn't get him very far because I've stopped answering him. He still asks but simultaneously looks for what he wants, so I suppose that's progress.

I would just give random answers, like 'in the shed', 'I think I saw it upstairs', 'you had it in your hand a few minutes ago (sellotape)'.

As an aside, I can only hear Ken Dodd saying 'Where's me shirt?'

So only since having a child? Interesting. Sounds like he’s regressing!

and aside from this issue - what’s your marriage like? What’s he like as a father and husband? Job?

FFS, in a complaint about him not taking responsibility for himself, the first advice is for OP to take responsibility for his awareness of how he can't take responsibility for himself. And for her to talk it out with him, and to be ready to constantly remind him that he needs to be an adult.

OP, just tell him each and every time that you don't know. Don't engage. Don't explain. Just dismiss. He'll cop on.

I've started responding to DH but mostly kids 'use your own brain not mine'

This works for lots of things eg 'can you put the bowl away' 'what bowl' or 'it's under the chair' 'what chair' etc

It's lazy, entitled and 100% positioning you as someone who exists to serve them so I'm clamping down!!