Relationship age gaps

[Flutterbybudget]

Not sure if it’s really an AIBU but do they matter? And what age gap is/ isn’t acceptable to you? Does it matter which partner is older?
So, for example, a 17 year old (F) dating a 27 year old (M)?. Or a 20 year old (F) dating a 29 (M)? Or a 30 (M) and a 47 (F)?
And does it matter how they know each other? Big age gap, but family friend? Was in a position of authority at “some” point - such as teacher/ boss/ instructor of some sort? Or not an age gap, but still in a position of authority? Such as boss or doctor?

I’m still attractive, but definitely in my prime earlier. As most women will be, biology and all that.

Many teens these days look a lot better than in the past too, with far more make up etc. not a good thing but factual.

Im guessing that’s also a yes to being a teenager in the 80’s

Degenerate, well hello Mary Whitehouse

Sex is great, it’s fun and feels fab when it’s not a 16 year old boy not sure which hole to go for first.

I don't think you can really make a judgement just based on an age gap. Yes, it might be that an older person wants to control or take advantage But there are plenty of younger people (and I think mainly we are talking about men here) who are also jerks who want to control a partner.

I don't see romantic relationships as necessarily about being the same as a close in age friendship. I think they have more to do with having similar values, a compatible temperament, sexual attraction, and being in a similar place in terms of lifestyle - both ready to settle down, or just interested in fun casual dating, whatever. Those things aren't especially age dependent.

You really have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about when it comes to biology. A 16 year old is an extremely risky age to get pregnant medically, much more so than a 30 year old, so a 30 year old is much more suitable to have a child.

Yeah that’s 100% incorrect.

At 30 you’re starting the decline in terms of fertility.

Also who said anything about babies in terms of biology, it’s a basic fact people decrease in attractiveness with age, thus on the whole someone will be more attractive at 16 than when they’re 30, when 30 they’re likely to be more attractive compared to their 60 year old self

Nope. I was a teenager in the noughties.

Most women are not ‘in their prime’, biological or otherwise, at 16. If you were, that’s unfortunate. I’m sorry you peaked in your mid teens.

None of which changes the fact that adult men who have sex with 16 year olds are predators.

www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/teenage-pregnancy-effects#other-factors

“According to the National Institutes of HealthTrusted Source, there’s a higher risk of the following in teenage pregnancy:

preeclampsia
anemia
premature delivery
delivering at low birth weight”

Women in their early twenties have healthy pregnancies, teen pregnancies come with a plethora of health risks. You really need to educate yourself. You sound simple minded. I thought everyone knew how risky teen pregnancies are?

With the talk of 16 year old boys and ‘holes’, this person is either a troll or someone rationalising historic sexual and emotional abuse by what sounds like multiple older men. I’d honestly just leave it.

Did you even read that link?

teen parents had poorer health outcomes due to external factors, not their bodies not being able to cope. Teenage parents were more likely to engage in riskier sexual behaviour thus at higher risks of STDs, less likely to be taking care of themselves during pregnancy resulting in poor birth outcomes

It is specifically explained on that page, it’s a shame you are unable to understand that.

A woman's pregnancy might be considered high risk if she:

is age 17 or younger
is age 35 or older
was underweight or overweight before becoming pregnant
is pregnant with twins, triplets, or other multiples
has high blood pressure, diabetes, depression, or another health problem
had problems with a previous pregnancy, including premature labor or having a child with a genetic problem or birth defect

kidshealth.org/en/parents/high-risk.html

THERE YOU GO. A 30 year old pregnancy is NOT classed as high risk, a teenage pregnancy is. If you are under 18 and pregnant you’re automatically classed as a high risk pregnancy to doctors and midwives and need extra monitoring. I’m sorry I have to teach you basic biology.

it’s why most (normal) men are not attracted to teenagers. How many other links do I have to send you about this? I thought everyone knew how high risk teenage pregnancy is. The pro choice movement talks about this all the time and how it’s especially dangerous to force young people into pregnancy. Embarrassing how uneducated you are yet you talk about it with such confidence.

Ah now you’re changing the goalposts after being shown to be a bit of a fool.

No one has mentioned high risk except you.

At 30 your fertility is in decline - fact.

You are also the only one to thing being in your prime = healthy pregnancy - a very weird view, old fashioned too but then again that aligns with your very outdated views on sex in general.

Also sorry to again have to correct you but teen pregnancies aren’t higher risk due to age, they’re higher risk due to age and likelihood of external issues. You’d understand that if you actually read the data behind what you’re quoting.

If a 17 year old took care of themselves the same way a pregnant 25 year old did, they’d be at no higher risk, teen pregnancies are higher risk due to that being less likely and them needing more antenatal support.

The fact you don’t understand that is sad, but alas you’ve already shown limited understanding on this thread so am not surprised

With the exception of anything illegal… I think it’s less about numbers and more about peoples life stage, With emphasis on certain stages.

For example if the age gap is around the prime baby making years it may be more tricky (more so if the woman is older). But then there are people who mature faster/slower…and sometimes it works out. A friend I went to school with met an older woman, he became a dad in his mid 20s because she was late 30s (think she was 40 when baby was born.. it’s somewhere between 10-15 year gap I think). He’s always been quite mature for his age though.

I imagine it can be tricky around retirement age too, one is out of work, the other isn’t. Although DPs parents have a 10 year age gap, his mum stopped working at about 55 and his dad is now 75 and adores his job and plans to stop at 80! (His dad looks younger than his age, his mum looks older.. it’s like their biological age has met int the middle of their chronological age).

Im 38, I think it’s difficult to put an age either way as it depends on so much… some people are mature young others don’t (both in outlook and appearance!). A 28 year old mature man could work, 48 could work.,, but then both feel a bit weird writing the numbers! I’d feel better with 30 to 28 I think because it’s ‘in the 30s’.

Partly my issue too. I know a few people (including myself) who have been in or are in relationships where there is a big age gap and at any age it has problems.

A woman in her 20s, dating a man in his 40s, I think about the children they might bring into the world - there's a correlation between older male fathers and an increased risk of ADHD, aspergers and depression. Also, what about the clashing energy levels - a 20 something still wants to do stuff and explore the world whereas a 40 yo has been there and done it all. Most women don't think about the long-term either, as in what happens when he's less mobile. Is the woman going to be the carer for the rest of her life?

Up to 10 years gap at any, I think is respectable but more than that and it's too much.

Ew.

My first long term relationship I had just turned 17 and he was 22. At the time you feel so grown up etc then I realised how controlling it was. My family loved him and I stayed with him longer than I should. It ruined friendships and my uni experience being with someone who basically was jealous and controlling but everyone thought was a god send for keeping me on the rails.
It was also a time where a few people my age were dating men in their late 20s and early 30s, thinking they were grown up when really it was wrong that 28-35 year old men were interested in 17 year old girls and nobody batted an eyelid. I think those times have changed.
However, when people are 18, they get to make their own choices. I would be sceptical of a person over 25 dating a teenager but that's based on my own experiences.

When I was teaching and girls of 15 or 16 came up bragging that they had pulled a boyfriend in his 20s (often with a car!) I always asked them what on earth was wrong with him if girls his own age didn't fancy him? It sometimes worked. Another ploy was to tell them they were brave, taking on a man who was so much older, given he'd be all old and wrinkly when they were still in their dashing 40s.

Wait a minute, you're saying on another thread that you're divorced. Are you talking shite? 😂 Justifying adult/teen relationships for a laugh is utterly warped if so!!

I'm laughing at the person who said they'd phone the police on someone dating a seventeen year old.
There's always some entertaining batshittery 😂

Age gaps don't bother me. I have one with Dh, and many of my friends have varying ones. But all 3 of your examples I am not comfortable with.The younger they are, the worse it is. 17 and 27 makes me wince, because it's so inappropriate.

When I was just turned 18, the summer I left school, I was persuaded into dating a man who was 32 and, of course, a school teacher. We went out for about a year and a half through my first and some of my second year at uni. He was a utter dick and, yes, I think he did like the power aspect of it. He did the whole love bombing thing and was weirdly jealous of my best friend. So, from that experience I think age gaps when one of the people is still very young are a bit unpleasant yes.

Not every relationship with an age gap is about someone being a predator or being disgusting
Of course it isn't and no one has said it is. When there is a significant age gap and the younger party is a teen it IS predatory which then makes it disgusting.

Some older people who go for younger ones are predators sadly but not all are the same
Yes they are all the same

My relationship with an older man was equal. No grooming involved. I'm with someone a bit younger than me now and I can see a lot of similarities between the relationships
If you were a teenager then no it wasn't. I know it's easier to pretend that you really were as mature as he said you were but you weren't.
Just as I can't say every relationship with an age gap is equal, you can't really think that every relationship with an age gap is vile and involve grooming
The ones involving teenagers are 🤷‍♀️

100%
This thread, and most age gap threads are a prime example.

The "..my grandparents.." anecdotes are often not the flex people think they are.

I'd be uncomfortable about the 17 -year-old dating the 27- year- old (though she's technically over the age of consent); anything that involves people over 18 is totally their business, so long as neither of them is in a position of power over the other.

Oh I don't think it's necessarily ideal having a 17 year old with someone nearer 30. Just not sure what the PP thinks the police would do about it.

Depending on where the poster lives, it might be illegal. MN has posters from all over the world.