Relationship age gaps

[Flutterbybudget]

Not sure if it’s really an AIBU but do they matter? And what age gap is/ isn’t acceptable to you? Does it matter which partner is older?
So, for example, a 17 year old (F) dating a 27 year old (M)?. Or a 20 year old (F) dating a 29 (M)? Or a 30 (M) and a 47 (F)?
And does it matter how they know each other? Big age gap, but family friend? Was in a position of authority at “some” point - such as teacher/ boss/ instructor of some sort? Or not an age gap, but still in a position of authority? Such as boss or doctor?

I feel differently about this as I get older.

It also changes again when you get to the retirement bracket. I have a friend 6 years younger than her partner, it's one of those age gaps that is big as a teenager/early 20s, but is pretty inconsequential most of your adult years. However, she has really struggled since he hit retirement age, she's just not mentally ready for that yet, they're very comfortably well off and he wants to travel etc but she doesn't feel "done" at work, but feels she can only work part time/temporary contracts because he's ready to travel now and with his health can't guarantee this for long. So whilst this is likely a personality/circumstance issue too, I think it shows the age gap can become an issue again later in life.

I think the biggest concern about larger age gaps is that quite possibly both parties could be in a different stage of their life. And like above posters have mentioned I would question any adult in their late 20s being in a relationship with teenager.

DH has talked about larger age gaps before and seemed to come up with quite a sensible rule. Half the older person's age and add seven years. So for example is a 25 year old decided to date a 20 year old that would sit a lot more comfortably then if the younger partner was 18 for example.

DH is 7 years older than me, and it has never been an issue until now. He is nearly 71 and seems to have become an old man overnight. He doesn't want to do much other than take long walks and go to the pub. I still want to go to the theatre, eat out, see bands and do other fun things.

He is also beginning to have various age related health issues.

Yep, sounds like BS to me, I am fairly certain I saw this poster on another thread yesterday talking about being in their 60s

Cher, 76, is dating a 36 year old man at the moment which I find ick (and I would find it ick the other way around too).

It’s creepy that someone would try and pretend a teacher sleeping with a 17 year old student is fine. Then use their own, fake, situation to prove it.

I had a relationship with someone 10 years older than me when I was 17. All his friends were around his age and when he found out I was 17 he nearly didn't ask me out.
We were together for 7 years and we only broke up because I wasn't ready to get tied down.
Most of my friends have married or settled down with men much older than they are. Many of them began dating when the younger person was 16 or 17.
Age is just a number. Someone in their 40s can be less responsible and grown-up than someone who is 20.

That’s sad to hear. My DH is 11 years older than me and it’s not an issue, he is 72 and still doing some work (university academic), loves to travel etc.

I think it's such an individual thing. I was 17 and DP was 28 when we got together. We've been together 9 years, have children, bought a house. We're happy.

Would I be happy if one of my daughters met a 28 year old man when she was 17? Absolutely not, I would struggle to understand his intentions, even though it's worked out for us.

I don't know if the age gap will become an issue in the future but we'll work through it if it does, I hope.

Yep really creepy.

I had a few age gap relationships as a teen, incl 15 and 21, 17 and 42 and its only really once I got older I realised how wrong these really were, I thought them to be ok at the time.

I did a check back as also thought the same thing. Instead of calling BS maybe check aswell??

A teacher training or it in a relationship with a is against the law. Consent changes to 18 if the person is in a position of authority. Not the correct wording. Shame on you husband for not knowing that or if he did and ignored it.

I often wonder if people who ended up married to the man they met when they were 17 who happened to be nearby 30 at the time just don’t have a sense of what a normal power balance in a relationship is nor want to confront it as they may need to consider the fact they were essentially groomed.

I went to uni with a few girls in big age gap relationships which all were quite… iffy.

For the amount of posts on mumsnet, you would think most of us are aware that age gap doest matter. Any relationship can have a toxic dynamic regardless of age.

@starrynight21 I think you should rename yourself as StarrySHITE, so strong is the bullshit with this one.

How do you know it’s bullshit? I’ve just searched that poster and can’t see anything that shows she’s lying?

Anyone over 18 and within reason I think it’s for the couple’s own business and I have no issue with it. It works for some people, doesn’t for others. Like all relationships

A check back proves what I already knew, I was reading a thread yesterday and remembered this poster. Not sure I understand you comment?

People will parrot things like consenting adults can do whatever they like but I do think there is a huge difference. A 28yr old man dating an 18yr old woman is not right in my book. Of course there are relationships where they have a 30 year age gap and every day has been filled with laughter and farting unicorns but it still doesn't change that these relationships often have quite distorted power dynamics which can be made worse by the older person having been in a position of authority over their partner. I have had an age gap relationship and of course at the time thought I was in love but when you really think about it it is unhealthy.

She's in her 60's. She broke up with him the first time around and they reconnected years later after she divorced her first husband.

It's when in life they are for that may bother me. Say a 45 yo dating a 55 yo - nothing wrong. An 18 dating a 28 yo - not illegal but I would be wondering about the balance of powers and the 28 Yo's intentions

So her original story is still bullshit.

It didn’t work out between a 17 year old and their 29 year old teacher. Did it?

Over the age of 18, I mostly can't see the problem.

Maturity, life experience etc can be an issue but not always.

I'm female and personally don't find men my own age attractive.
I can't explain why, I just don't.

Dh is significantly younger than me but the age gap is barely noticeable until we start talking about tv & music we loved as children (and that's hardly a regular topic of conversation!)

That's not what her post on this thread says though, she doesn't mention she broke up with him, she said they've never had a sad day together. If they had stayed together when she was 17 then this is a very different scenario, getting together with someone in your 40s and them being 11 years older is pretty irrelevant.

Oh and also she met someone long distance in her 50s. So if she in her 60s now. It’s not 25 years of bliss. I expect she changed details there so it fitted the title of that thread too.

I searched as you suggested.
I stand by what I said. Making out a 17 year in a relationship with a teacher is fine is creepy.

Making out you have been together ever since and pretending it all worked out beautifully so it’s ok Is creepy.

and that poster was definitely chatting shit.