Who is right here?

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Can’t work out who is right here, me or my partner?

My MIL very kindly babysat our baby for the day a few weeks ago. She doesn’t do this a huge amount and I am always grateful for her help. During this visit she managed to lose two items of the baby’s. One of which was a book she absolutely loves. This happens frequently, baby goes to her house and ends up coming back with things missing. I asked my partner if she’d replace the lost items and he absolutely hit the roof. He says I’m hugely ungrateful and the fact she was doing me a favour at the time means it doesn’t matter.

I wasn’t brought up like that. I was raised in a way that meant if you damage, break or lose something belonging to someone else you (at least offer!) to replace it.

Similar happened a while back when she looked after the baby for ah hour at our house. She damaged something in our living room. When i asked my partner if she’d sort out getting it fixed he also said I was being rude. That she was helping therefore it doesn’t matter. Yes it was our decision to accept the help, but it wasn’t my decision for her to damage something.

AIBU?

I think YABU unless the drip is she does it deliberately?

I suppose it depends. £600 TV smashed yeah I’d expect my insurance excess covered at least. £5 kids book I probably wouldn’t register. Have you asked her to have a look for the baby things?

I don’t think it’s deliberate. I just think perhaps she’s a bit careless?

If someone had looked after my child for me as a favour, I wouldn’t nit pick about stuff getting lost. Kids stuff gets lost all the time.

I would offer to replace if I were her but I think YABU to make an issue of it.

I can understand your woes. From someone who NEVER gets anything in the way of an hour here and there and never has, I would be happy for the sitting and not care a jot about the damage/missing books. I'm an extreme example however. I would leave it, she's doing you a massive favour. Other people will undoubtedly disagree with me, we all have our own annoyances.

I asked my partner if she’d replace the lost items and he absolutely hit the roof.

When i asked my partner if she’d sort out getting it fixed he also said I was being rude.

& you think your problem is about a helpful, but clumsy MiL?

The book and other things lost, will be somewhere.

Doing someone a favour doesn't mean you have the right to damage their property and disrespect them. That's not acceptable.

I'd be more worried about your partners reaction than MIL misplacing items. Items go missing, but your partner hitting the roof at a simple question of replacing a book is worrying.

Honestly OP you're being a bit ridiculous.

If a friend accidentally broke a glass in your house you'd be pretty petty to expect them to replace it.

The cost of a babysitter would have been significantly higher than the cost of the book so no, she should not replace the item.

It's not like she's doing it on purpose 🙄

How can she lose a book in her own house?? I probably wouldn’t bring it up tbh and it depends on the item she broke at your house and the cost. Was she being reckless/careless or was it a complete accident? Are we talking a broken glass or a smashed tv? I think maybe your partner IBU for “hitting the roof” at your suggestion though. Maybe don’t send the baby with any treasured items or anything that cannot be easily replaced x

How on earth is she managing to keep losing and damaging things? Where could she have put your child’s things in her own house that’s so hidden that she can’t find them again?

It was a carpet in our house that needed professionally cleaned. A broken mug or glass not a big deal but I take pride in my
home and I like to look after my things

Accidents happen and things get lost.

YABU

And a baby won't even remember

You seem more concerned about a stained carpet than the fact of your husband "hitting the roof".

Is that because he does it frequently enough that you have become inured to it?

No, I wouldn’t do that to my mum…I wouldn’t ask or expect.

she isn’t doing it on purpose and having family around who babysit is priceless IMO.

What on earth did she drop on a carpet to need professional cleaning?

Sorry to say I’m also in the YABU camp. Has the baby not stained your carpet yet? What will you do when he does?!

How hard can it be to not lose a book in your house? It might not be on purpose but it's ridiculous not to be able to find it

A lost book is always going to turn up, unless she took it to the park or something to read to the baby, which is unlikely in November.

Unpleasant phrase but if it's genuinely lost (hmm) I'm afraid you have to suck it up. My MIL lost our house key once while looking after our kids. We had to get all the locks changed. Wouldn't have dreamed of asking her to contribute. However it was hard for us to stretch to when I was on mat leave so tbh we were probably a bit short with her.

She then found the key 6 weeks later! She expected us to be pleased. We weren't.

Honestly if grandma is looking after he DGCs and spills something on the carpet , I would never ask her to pay for the cleaning. . Either you trust her with your children or you don't. If you do - put a rug or a blanket down where she sits to mitigate cleaning if you think necessary - I personally would not ask her for the cleaning bill.

If the books etc have been mislaid in your house or hers I am pretty sure they will turn up with a bit of looking. No need to ask her to replace them.

When DS was little I would have gladly gone looking for a lost book or got the carpet cleaning if he was with MIL ( his Granny) and happy and safe.

Otherwise just get a babysitter and a solicitor

YABU, and if she lost the book in her house then she can find it again… can’t see why anyone would need to buy a new one.

YABU. Things get lost. Carpets get stained. What on earth was on the carpet that you needed professionals? DH has even got cat diorrhea out of our carpet so I’m struggling to think what it could be that you couldn’t get out yourself.

Not sure how you are navigating life with a baby if you can’t cope with a bit of mess or a few things going missing tbh.