Who is right here?

[Unsurewheretogo]

Can’t work out who is right here, me or my partner?

My MIL very kindly babysat our baby for the day a few weeks ago. She doesn’t do this a huge amount and I am always grateful for her help. During this visit she managed to lose two items of the baby’s. One of which was a book she absolutely loves. This happens frequently, baby goes to her house and ends up coming back with things missing. I asked my partner if she’d replace the lost items and he absolutely hit the roof. He says I’m hugely ungrateful and the fact she was doing me a favour at the time means it doesn’t matter.

I wasn’t brought up like that. I was raised in a way that meant if you damage, break or lose something belonging to someone else you (at least offer!) to replace it.

Similar happened a while back when she looked after the baby for ah hour at our house. She damaged something in our living room. When i asked my partner if she’d sort out getting it fixed he also said I was being rude. That she was helping therefore it doesn’t matter. Yes it was our decision to accept the help, but it wasn’t my decision for her to damage something.

AIBU?

@Unsurewheretogo
I meant that things only seem to happen when your MIL is there.. things going missing, nail polish jumping out of her bag & unscrewing itself.. :-0

OP, I don't understand these comments at all. If I was minding a baby and lost their things I'd be mortified and want to replace immediately. Similar with the carpet, I mean nail varnish (!!!), that's up there with red wine and bleach for things you never want to spill.
Did she even apologise or show remorse?
Maybe there's money issues and that's why she didn't offer to replace, that would be my only reason to excuse it.
Maybe they both (her and your husband) have an attitude of absolving themselves of responsibility?
Or he knows you're right but is afraid of confrontation with her.
Either way, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all and if she's that careless will she really be okay to watch baby when they're older, you need your wits about you with toddlers!!

YABU 100%. When your baby becomes a child and loses and damages things all the time, you are going to lose your unreasonable mind.

I'm really sorry OP for the reaction you've had here, it isn't warranted at all, on your side :-)

It would annoy me, I'm a very tidy person and don't often lose things, but I'd never dream of asking or expect them to replace or pay. I'd probably just be weary of what I take with me next time and be prepared for it to get lost, or put a rug etc down when mil is round incase of spillages etc

No

Convention is that if you are a guest in someone's home and cause damage, you offer to repair or replace
Convention also dictates that the offer is politely refused

Yup that's what I thought. Thank you
The offer is nearly always refused but just the fact that it was made is generally enough of an apology

I wouldn't let a careless person look after my kid

Babysitting is not a license to misplace people’s property and damage their home.

I would stop using MIL for childcare at all.

@Imnothereforthegiggles you clearly get your kicks from being nasty to posters who haven’t even said a word to you.

Who are you? Stalker,

I literally have no clue what you’re on about, and I’ve never even seen your name before.

Bless you for thinking I care though. Xx

I think you’re very unreasonable yes

I'm with ur husband on this. I wouldn't dream of asking my family to replace lost items or something damaged by accident. I'd probably expect the same from them in return.

A carpet stain and a broken mug. I would find that hugely embarrassing to ask for them to be replaced/cleaned and sounds like what ur husband thinks too.

You’re totally unreasonable , accidents happen and you don’t ask friends or family to cough up , and it’s your partners mother so his call. You don’t ask them even if they aren’t doing you a huge favour when it happens, even if they offered you’d not accept

whats wrong with you you would think this acceptable?

Actually you are displaying terrible manners, as you’re not asking him if she offered, you’re asking him if she will replace it. Very clearly that’s what you want .

You can’t compare a business that you are paying for a service and a beloved family member that is doing you a favour.

If it’s cheaper to pay someone then I suggest you do that going forward. Your outlook is very strange and I can understand why your dh is hurt that you are prepared to treat his dm who has been helping you out in such a careless manner.

Yabu. The nail varnish was an accident. I would ask her the next time I saw her to have a look for the missing item. Suggesting that the carpet should be replaced comes across as very ungrateful.

Dh is very careless. He’s forever breaking things, although he does replace them. He’s also very understanding when the kids or I damage things which is a lovely quality. I had a car accident in his beautiful brand new car last year. I felt absolutely terrible but when I rang to tell him he told me that it didn’t matter as long as I was ok, he could always get a new car.

He’s always been exceptionally kind, caring and generous to a fault with me and dc and other family and friends. Because we are people that he loves and not just possessions that can be replaced. Not being materialistic doesn’t mean that you can’t be trusted to take care of the things that matter.

You would be surprised what people will do for free childcare.

100% @SchoolQuestionnaire . I can't understand @CourtneeLuv 's thinking.

One of my dc struggles organisationally - it's part of their ADHD - but they are brilliant with dc, and have people queuing up for them to look after their dc. I really don't see the connection between trusting someone to look after your dc and how good they are at being organised.

Careless people leave bath taps running and hob rings on or walk away from the gas fire without making sure it's lit properly.

Like I said, I wouldn't let a careless person look after my kid.