To ask if you've ever met an 'alpha' male ?

[ALPHAquest]

If so, what were they like and what made them an 'alpha' in yours or their eyes?

Genuinely interested in both positives and negatives after a thread where Op mentioned her DH was an alpha.

I've met people who have claimed to be alpha males. All it makes me think is, "ah, here's a dick head."

🤷🏻‍♀️

Yep, loads of them. Loud, competitive, energetic. Conversation tends to be either boasting or “banter”. Sometimes if someone has charisma as well it can be quite attractive, but often it’s just irritating and you wish they’d piss off.

I dont even really know what that means.

I've met men who claim to be but again just think arrogant tosser.

This. If someone is claiming to be an alpha male, he 100% isn't.

I'll be interested in others experiences but I've generally found men who think or try to act "alpha" are just arrogant arseholes. They tend to be controlling "know it alls" who have no time or respect for other people's opinions. Given their immense problem solving talents they expect the world to revolve around them. They are such a hindrance in the workplace.

Give me beta any day.

According to what I've heard about them, I think my husband would be classed as an alpha male. Ridiculous as the term is it just means a man who is physically and mentally strong. DH is buff and commands every room he walks into without trying.

I noticed it before I was with him so it's not me being gooey eyed!

I worked for one. He was a loud, arrogant, aggressive, thoroughly unpleasant man.

I’ve met loads who would describe themselves as Alpha males. Insufferable, bossy know it alls who use their size and volume to override everyone else.

I’ve also met a few who would never use that phrase in a million years but who seem to me to be more in keeping with the definition. Unflappable, respected and everyone automatically looks to them when a situation arises and defers to their decision (which is best for everyone, not just them and their mates).

As above.. self defined alpha males who expect respect tend to be controlling arses and no fun to be with with

No, it’s a nonsense categorisation. It suggests that there is such a thing as beta or omega men.

Men, like women, have variation in personality types. End of. 🤷‍♂️

Saw a Twitter post by a programmer who said that Alpha to her means there's bits missing, it's full of bugs and it's not fit for the public

Don’t you mean bell end 🤷🏻‍♀️

People who are described by their partners as alpha males or men who describe themselves as alpha males are usually anything but. People seem to get loud, obnoxious, and sexist mixed up with alpha male.

In my eyes, a true alpha would be someone who is confident enough stick up for others, is comfortable enough in their own skin to not conform to stereotypically masculine behaviours (especially the to toxic ones) and is emotionally intelligent. But I know many would consider this a beta.

I think of an alpha male as someone who uses their strength, physicality or general bullishness to be what they perceive to be top of the food chain.

Like others, when I encounter these people my reaction is generally "here's dick head".

It's entirely possible to be physically strong, tall, or commanding but not use this to assert dominance over other people. That's not being alpha male in my definition, because someone's just being who they are and isn't concerned about their place in the pecking order.

The 'self proclaimed' Alpha's are, without exception, totally ignorant bastards. They are the ones always drinking/fighting/bullying/sexually harassing etc

The true Alpha's have the respect of others without being a bully or being misogynistic in any way. They are the most supportive and considerate people. And they never call themselves Alpha males !

Alfa men are strong and confident, they are natural leaders. They don't rely on the opinions of others, they walk their own path. My late husband was an Alfa male and he also loved the fact l was a strong woman and not in the slightest bit intimidated by him, l stood my ground and he admired that , we worked well together.

This is what I meant too but you said it much better!

The very idea of a 'True Alpha' is an oxymoron.

Can I just point out that the one single piece of research upon which the "alpha male" hypothesis was based has been conclusively debunked as flawed - and the scientist responsible for this garbage concept entering our culture has spent the decades since trying to publicise that there is no such thing as alpha males?

There is no such thing. I have never met one. They don't exist.

BIL is.

He's a violent thug. He probably beats his DP.

Can't stand a woman knowing anything he doesn't. Has to be the top dog in any room.

Extremely controlling. His house revolves around him. Spends money on himself before DP/DC.

Estranged from eldest DC. And most of his family.

I married an alpha male, he is not a dickhead, he is a strong, kind, gentle man at the top of his game work wise.
He has confidence without arrogance and that gives him a real presence in any situation. He does not shoot his mouth off, he doesn’t boast, he doesn’t need to.
He is assertive without bullying, listens and offers advice when it is needed. He doesn’t mansplain and he respects women. He is a fantastic father.

He is also grumpy on occasions and getting a bit tubby, so not perfect. If I described him as an Alpha male he would laugh in my face.

I work with one though I doubt he;d describe himself that way. He's high up in a national security job, very trad sporty male, catalogue-man handsome and likes his women very pretty and accomplished. I like him as a person but he makes me realise that is so not my type. I like lovely weedy, nerdy academic men.

This.

Anyone who self identifies as an alpha male is the textbook definition of a dickhead.

I have met a huge amount of men who clearly think of themselves as “alpha males”. I have yet to meet one who I believe deserves the attribution.