To ask if you've ever met an 'alpha' male ?

[ALPHAquest]

If so, what were they like and what made them an 'alpha' in yours or their eyes?

Genuinely interested in both positives and negatives after a thread where Op mentioned her DH was an alpha.

There are people (of both sexes) who can get things done, and people who can't. Being able to get things done doesn't always go hand in hand with being a pleasant or kind person, but it is undeniably a useful quality.

Years ago, I watched a TV documentary where groups of primary school age children were put into houses to fend for themselves (the whole thing was being filmed, obviously, so no safety issues). In the group of girls there was one who was the most horrible bully, in my opinion - really nasty. However, she pulled off this amazing feat of singlehandedly cooking a healthy, nutritious meal for the whole group of about 12 girls - it really was something else!

I don't have a link but from what I remember it came from studying a group of unrelated wolves in captivity and extrapolating that behaviour to wild wolf packs. Wild wolf packs are kin groups who behave differently from captive unrelated wolves so they don't have an alpha male who has fought his way to the top

@Crackof In Defence of Dogs by John Bradshaw discusses at length the reasoning and research of what @Underanothersky says.

I was in the army so yes, quite a few. Most of them were alright though. Just quietly competent and secure in their skills. That's what alpha means to me.

Can we have some examples from real life?

I was thinking of American presidents - you would assume they would be alpha. Trump thought he was one and it's clear many women also thought so.

Obama - there's nothing I wouldn't do for that man, or to him but I wouldn't call him a typical alpha male. He's quiet and thoughtful and seems as though he'd be the one listening rather than talking in a group situation.

Biden - there's no way I'd describe him as an alpha male - he doesn't seem to have any presence at all.

Clinton - I think he's a really good example of an alpha male - apparently when he was in the room, all eyes were on him. If he spoke to you, it was like you were the only person in the room. He had physical presence, apparently, though I don't think that came across on screen as much as it seemed to do face to face.

Bloody loads but I was a PA for many years in large multinationals.

They're decisive, very sure of themselves, dominate over others and it's generally their way or the highway. Generally not the nicest of people and don't consider other people's needs or wants so not very easy to work for.

Can you see I said "was a PA"?

I work in tech, the place is stuffed to the rafters with them.

Lots of strutting, Willy waving and slapping dicks on the table in meetings (metaphorically). Ugh.

Yes, I work for a large global corporation So have met and know many. I don’t agree with the bitchy comments about them, in my experience a true alpha male is confident and not arrogant, commanding without bullying, they don’t boast and they don’t set out to impress.

What people are describing is wanna be alphas. Little men trying to be.

Any men I've met who have described themselves as Alpha males have been absolute dicks. Rude, arrogant, sexist and 'I speak as I find' gobshites.

Men I've met who I would say meet the definition would never describe themselves that way.

I think that's the major difference.

I am so reminded of Macron dressing in a hoodie to look like Zelensky..

Yes at University. Lovely chap. Very handsome but not arrogant. Got a 1st and was v sporty. Went on to become MD of a big US company.

People who claim to be an alpha male are insecure about the fact they are not.
Just like people who post their picture for likes don't feel confident about their looks.
Just how people in happy secure relationships don't post about it.

People who are truly secure or confident about something don't need to boast or share it or ger affirmation.

Alpha male doesn't necessarily mean a man who is unpleasant and cocky. In my eyes it is a man who is confident, self assured and who will deal with any situation with ease. Someone who is not at all self conscious and will happily make conversation with anyone without a hint of shyness. A man who does not feel intimidated by others.

I find most of the men who 'identify' as alpha actually aren't.

The overly competitive, bossy type that some tend to perceive as alpha are really beta. The need to be competitively engaging in absolutely everything seems needy and displaying a lack of confidence in leading or being seen by others to be a leader.

The quietly assertive man who other men universally respect, look up to and follow are the true leaders, the real alphas. These men are so secure in themselves they don't need to constantly show it to others.

2 very different things and having lived with both the quiet alpha is the true man amongst men!!

This!

Mind you I have just watched Clive Owen in a film and he seems alpha in all the very best ways.

Also just because a man describes himself as an alpha male doesn't mean he is one.

Had one as a fwb a few years ago. Small penis and minimal technique. Was quite shocked tbh.

We often were with a group socially, who didn't know we were shagging, and his big dick energy was unmatched. I ended up falling for him even though the sex was meh because his personality was so magnetic - he worked a crowd well but 1:1 made you feel like the only woman in the world. He broke my heart by ending it cause he got a better offer and I still think about him even though I haven't seen him or talked to him in months. Very very strange experience.

I've been watching I'm a celebrity....I'd describe Mike Tindall as an alpha male. He seems very self assured, strong and has a quiet confidence about him. He's not cocky or arrogant and seems genuinely nice. To me, that's an alpha.

Conversely I find Matt Hancock to be incredibly un alpha. He comes across as very self conscious.

Also, he was well aware that betas act up to try to be alpha and absolutely never described himself thus - he could be very self-deprecating but he always controlled outcomes and got his way, very subtly but every time. Other men liked him and gravitated to him, allowed him to guide the tone, the activity, everything. So weird.

I don’t think you have the remotest understanding of ASD.

Until it comes to a survival of the fittest situation, I'm not sure one can really tell who the Alpha is. They've not been truly tested ie killing another make in order to protect his family/community.

Not sure I want to witness it. Most "alphas" described on this thread wouldn't cut it when it really mattered.

My friend's husband is one.
He's quite tall (6"1) and plays rugby but isn't hench. He's very quiet and everyone respects him and no one wants to piss him off. He's not violent or arrogant. There's just something about him. He's a very good friend of mine and DH too.

Agree with @ChicoryBlue [bangs head]. Dear LORD I am sick of the bullshit generalisations and uneducated assumpotions about autism. Is there any other diagnosis that is just spoken of so shabbily and with such arrogant ignorance? FFS.

I remember Fiona Millar writing in the Guardian that her partner Alastair Campbell was an alpha male and to me he comes across as an obnoxious arrogant twat.

My ex husband is one! Loud, arrogant, controlling, superior, misogynist, bully, boss of his own business had to be obeyed, his way or the no way, need to exceed at every sport, opinionated, has an answer for everything etc etc