To ask if you've ever met an 'alpha' male ?

[ALPHAquest]

If so, what were they like and what made them an 'alpha' in yours or their eyes?

Genuinely interested in both positives and negatives after a thread where Op mentioned her DH was an alpha.

My friends dh is a beta male..he's a nice person but when you speak to him you can tell he's self conscious and full of self doubt.

This.

They are often sexist and very obviously take steroids, I avoid like the plague.

We knew a guy who was an occasional friend who was handsome, very intelligent, athletic and popular with the ladies. His fiance was cabin crew and when she was away he regularly had different women home. He tended to hog the conversation, I suspect he saw himself as alpha.

Yep. This.
My eyes hurt from all the rolling they've done over the years.

I agree, Matt Hancock would be the prowling loner, shunned and forced to scavenge on the edge of the territory.

Thanks both x

It’s not an assumption though.

It is incredibly common to find people with ASD in city firms, there is nothing uneducated or generalising about it unless you’ve never actually set foot inside any sort of financial institution

I have several colleagues who are quite open about their diagnoses, positively and negatively

Maybe have a quick read of this before banging your head - you might even find it educational
www.efinancialcareers.co.uk/news/2019/04/goldman-sachs-autism-adhd

(btw, the most uneducated assumption on this thread is probably from @ChicoryBlue declaring I know nothing about ASD based on one post from me… I know a lot about it thanks, and living with neurodiverse people is my daily life at work and home)

The concept of an alpha male is nonsense and referring to some men as beta males is just horrible.

This.

I always like a so called 'alpha' in my younger days. But they were basically just bastards who were cheaters and usually on the wrong side of the law.

When I met my DH, he wasn't 'alpha' enough for me initially. But with time and friendship he started to grow on me until he became the love of my life. I'm so grateful that I ended up with a man who treated me well and is a wonderful father. He's not afraid to stand up for what be believes in but doesn't need to shout other people down to be heard. Some friends who ended up with the alphas are now raising the kids alone without so much as a penny given or their mental health has been shattered. If my DH is a beta, give me a beta any day of the week!

To me there are alpha males and then there are wannabee alpha males.

In the first category I would put high-achieving people who have nothing to prove to anyone. Their behaviour is usually modest and self-deprecating, and they refrain from talking about themselves too much. They are interested in others and listen rather than blather on. I like to think David Attenborough is in this category, but I've met several others.

Wannabee A-Ms are just the opposite. They manifest insecurity by bigging themselves up and often trying to make others feel small. They talk too much, usually about themselves and their possessions, and their identity is very, very much tied up in their material possessions: they will set huge store by their car, for example, and their 'woman' will have to be a trophy in their eyes. They need to compete with other males and come out on top. Incredibly boring and soul-destroying company.

See Maslow's pyramid of needs.

I work in medicine so know many! Some lovely, some awful. My dad and brother are alpha too, on their own they're great, but they did (dad died 10 years ago) clash frequently ... because of their alpha-ness

This thread has adequate me laugh. It is like reading excerts from a Mills and Boon book. Strong yet gentle, commanding respect when he enters a room. We just need some heaving bosoms and throbbing members

It’s a bullshit term, they don’t actually exist. Men, like women, can’t be categorised into one thing.
The only time I’ll e ever heard the term in RL it’s always from some loud, obnoxious arsehole who lives the sound of his own voice

Wow, Not everybody sees two men clashing as "alpha".

I see it as both strongly ego-defended, defensive, reactive, lacking insight, lacking communication skills!

My view of an alpha man is that he is not overly defensive, not led by his ego and he can communicate his ideas /needs without difficulty.

I've met and worked for a few really fragile men who I think act in quite a shitty way but in their head would call themselves alpha males.

But I can only think of one man I've met who I would say has those qualities (strong physically and mentally, has a leader vibe, takes care of the 'pack' around him) without also being a nob. I don't think he would describe himself as one though, I think he'd describe himself as being quite old-fashioned.

Yes, taking care of the pack. That's how I see it. V rare

I went out with a self proclaimed alpha and he was a complete throbbing member.

You’re on another thread saying you met your DH at 17 and have never had an unhappy day.

So you were married to this ^^ guy and has kids with him before you got together at 17 with your now husband…?

Barnowl25 · Today 07:41
This thread has adequate me laugh. It is like reading excerts from a Mills and Boon book. Strong yet gentle, commanding respect when he enters a room. We just need some heaving bosoms and throbbing members

Yes, agree, Barnowl - but stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason! They do sometimes exist.

I've met plenty who think they are.

I feel like men have created this concept to justify patriarchy.

We aren't pack animals who need a leader in day to day life.

There is no such thing. Just dickheads.