4y/o taken to see Head

[gahwhyme]

I have a 4 year old daughter.

She's generally a lovely child, but like other small children has her moments.

She started Reception in September and we had glowing reports from her first term. Kind, friendly, helpful and ahead of her peers academically.

So I'm a bit confused as to why this week she's been sent to the Heads office three times. For reason's including not listening and hiding under a table.

While I can see that this is annoying for the teachers. There are two in her class. It does feel a rather heavy-handed response.

I'm quite put out tbh and have requested a meeting with her teachers.

AIBU to think taking a Reception age child to the Head is excessive given the slight bad behaviour

This is very odd. Are you sure those are the reasons? I would read the schools behaviour policy (should be available on their website) before you meet with the teachers

Have those reasons come from the teachers? Or your child?

Thank you for your response.

I don't accept bad behaviour from my children but I am reasonable in my expectations in regards to their age etc.

It just feels excessive. The teacher told us that's why they took her to the Head. Once for not listening, once for hiding under a desk and once for leaving the reading mat.

I'd assumed the teacher would be able to deal with such minor infractions themselves and not involved senior staff.

It's a very small school with small class numbers. Everyone knows everyone's business and I'm concerned this is going to see my child labelled as "bad"

This ☝️

Speak to the school and find out exactly what happened first before you go in all guns blazing .. ( been there and have the t shirt )…..

My dc go to a very small school and it is very typical of them to be sent to the head. It wouldn't bother me, it seems like shes had a bit of a 'silly' week with not listening to instructions.

Being sent to the head might not be a big deal. It might be more about support than punishment.

The head might just have had a little chat checking your daughter was ok and understood what she was supposed to do, and what the problems not doing it might be.

That's very interesting. I wonder if it's more typical in small or rural schools. The majority of my friends have children in large or city schools where it's very unusual

In my (limited) experience, in a small school being sent to the Head is a regular threat which is carried out quite frequently!
Head at DD's school was the a very effective threat for most. I suspect it's also a way to get the rest of the class back on track quickly.
I wouldn't over think it tbh. It probably happens a lot in Reception.

I believe it is, if they're tiny rural schools, the head teacher will know the students well and will have more time for this sort of thing. Plus, it frees the teacher up to teach even for minor infractions.

I wouldn’t have a problem with this, clearly it wasn’t terrifying for her as she was sent a few times. It’s probably a pep talk about behaviour and checking in. Personally I think it’s good if a school takes behaviour seriously, I don’t want DD to be disruptive or other children to be disruptive. If the school nip it in the bud early it’s better, coming from the parent of a child who has definitely had a much needed telling off (climbing on tables).

I would definitely follow up so that I understand how the school discipline and what they expect.

The teacher let us know that DD was in tears today at being sent to the Head again.

When I asked DD why she was hiding she said because I was missing you Mummy. Like a knife to the heart 😩

My DC are in a wee rural school. It's not unusual there.

I teach in a big city centre school. It would be the nuclear option!

I think that’s a bit strict as well. She’s only little. It sounds like she’s just challenging her boundaries, but she’s not “naughty” in the sense that she’s biting other children / being a terror. I think by sending her to the head, they want her to know early in that bad behaviour isn’t acceptable. Have you spoken to her at home about this, and to behave appropriately in school? I would speak to the teacher and see why the felt the head was the best route to discipline, when they could’ve spoken about her behaviour to you first?

The head probably had a nice little chat with your dd about whether your dd was ok and reminded her she needed to listen and follow her teacher's instructions so she can learn. Just because she's been sent to the head I wouldn't assume it's too harsh or anything unless your dd seems really upset by it. It's our preconceptions about scary headteachers from our childhoods that make it seem an extreme punishment. In a small school the head is likely one of the only teachers there who's not already teaching a different class at that moment.

@stargirl1701 that's exactly it! From my own schooling experience it feels very much a nuclear option!!

It's interesting to hear it's more common than I realised

Check the school's behaviour policy and see if it is being followed. At DD's school kids got sent to the head for blowing a raspberry for example. No point in being mad at the teacher if that's what they're expected to do.

Have a chat with her teacher and see what's going on. Has anything changed, is she struggling,is she bored etc?

Exactly the same thing happened to my DS at the same time of year, also in reception (3 times). I was surprised, like you. It was the ONLY time in his life (he's now 11) he's been told off at school. I think they're testing boundaries with their new routine. I would hope the school and head handled the conversations with your DD appropriately and that she'll have been deterred from getting into trouble again. If you're concerned about how they spoke to her then do raise it. Otherwise, just don't dwell on it and it will pass.

Reading your responses, I would probably ask her class teacher if she needsca bit more support settling in and if they have any suggestions.

I always tell my kids when they come crying about being in trouble at school, they should listen and follow the rules then!

Was talking about this in the playground just a couple of hours ago! DS’s friend been to the head 3x already (reception too) and he DGAF 😄 Head does sound quite extreme for 4 year olds but I’m sure they treat them like 4 year olds. My son misses me at school and often almost falls asleep at school. They’re still so tiny and I was a bit 😧 at the head-talk tbh! But my older son was sent to the head in a group of boys in reception and hasn’t been since so maybe it worked.

TBH I don't think it's giving them the desired outcome.

The fact she's been three times in a week makes me feel their approach isn't really working

Like a knife to the heart? Good grief you don't think that's really the reason do you? Shes playing you well!! Children are very good at saying what they think will get them out of trouble!

Is it definitely meant as a punishment? DS (6) has spent some time in the head's office this term on a morning when he was distraught at going in. He has anxiety about it that waxes and wanes but on this particularly bad day he hung out with the head in his office until he was calm and happy and ready to go to his class. It was a very positive thing.

If your daughter is a bit unsettled and missing you it might be similar.

Might not but it's worth considering! Small, rural school here too.

And I'm sorry, hat was meant lighthearted and not hastily! My experience is based on my children 🤣

Perhaps you ought to give the school some support then, work with them on her behaviour instead of criticising their approach. Remind her she needs to listen and follow instructions.