4y/o taken to see Head

[gahwhyme]

I have a 4 year old daughter.

She's generally a lovely child, but like other small children has her moments.

She started Reception in September and we had glowing reports from her first term. Kind, friendly, helpful and ahead of her peers academically.

So I'm a bit confused as to why this week she's been sent to the Heads office three times. For reason's including not listening and hiding under a table.

While I can see that this is annoying for the teachers. There are two in her class. It does feel a rather heavy-handed response.

I'm quite put out tbh and have requested a meeting with her teachers.

AIBU to think taking a Reception age child to the Head is excessive given the slight bad behaviour

Even at 4 years old ? It’s really no surprise how many adults need therapy considering the heartless parenting from some parents. A 4 year old needs empathy as well as boundaries.

I work with schools and often children do get sent to the heads office, but it's not a punishment. The heads I've worked with are lovely, nurturing and sometimes have more time (at that moment) than a teacher to deal with a distressed/ acting out child. Some kids I've met love going to the heads office.

I think it is excessive! But perhaps that's just their behaviour policy? At the school my kids attend head visits are most often for good behaviour only really rare serious bad behaviour like throwing over a table or biting someone would result in being sent to the head.

My DC now Year 4 has been sent to the HT a few times for silly behaviour, this is a slightly larger than average primary (3 classes per year). It's not unusual at our school.

It’s more likely the teacher has tried and tried and tried the nicely nicely approach and it’s not working. Thus going to the head.

I used to actually like going to the head a child. Much more fun. she had a singing bass. Also lovely silver and blue stickers for a head teacher award sticker for good work.

Your daughter is presenting as a behavioural issue to the school. You will do make things worse if you now go in criticising the teacher or school policy because you think your daughter is being treated unfairly, as they will see you as part of the problem.

If her behaviour is seen to be non-typical of children of her age, then it is an issue to them and they will keep putting steps in place until the matter is resolved one way or another. How you react will be key in whether or not the ultimate solution is one you like or not.

I would approach the school and say you're concerned that your daughter is presenting with behavioural issues, and ask what you can do to support.

The same can be said about why there are so many badly behaved children around these days. Because parents aren't supporting school discipline methods.

Why aren’t they addressing the reason rather than the behaviour? If she’s crying when she tells you then it’s really not a nice experience for her.
She’s only tiny. I’d consider moving her or waiting till she’s 5 to send her.

I’d agree if this were an older child but she is 4. Sounds like the school had chosen a lazy method of discipline . It’s much harder and more time consuming to try to understand why a child is acting up. Threatening a 4 year old with a trip to the Head is faster and easier.

I think it's despicable how some on here are discussing a 4 year old.

Upper ks2 teacher here with very good behaviour management skills, for what it's worth.

The wording a few of you are using!! And it's abundantly clear you have never sent much time in a reception class during the first term.

Four year olds haven't read the manual on how to behave for several hours of the day yet. A bit of kindness wouldn't go astray! Which is what I'm sure the head demonstrated when talking to the op's child while also reinforcing expectations...

Jesus Christ! Behavioural issues because a 4 yo didn't listen , got off the carpet and hid under a table?

Its common for children to be sent to the head for various reasons in smaller schools where the head is able to be more accessible.

You probably liked the school you chose because they have high standards of behaviour but that doesn’t come from nowhere. Schools get children to behave well by having clear boundaries, and hiding under tables and getting up for a wander while your supposed to be on the carpet listening clearly crosses those boundaries. I can totally understand why it feels heart breaking for you, this is a big deal in your dd’s little world, but she’ll be fine!

Reinforce the message that the school sent her about her actions being unacceptable, and get her to practice telling a teacher if she’s very sad and missing you too much. Help her learn to manage the feeling of wanting to go home when she’s at school.

I know there have been a couple of children sent to the HT and had parents called into school in their first half term in reception. My DD told me there were naughty boys, I’ve been going to the school for 7 years and know lots of parents in most year groups, it’s a small school where most people know each other. But, I would never have known about the HT and parents being called in if the parents hadn’t told me themselves. The school would never share that information.

I know one of the boys is a July baby so only just turned 4 before starting school, the teachers are great in coping but the HT is also great in talking to children too.

If I wasn’t familiar with the school I’d probably worry if one of mine had been sent to the HT, but because I know how the school works, the HT safeguarding lead etc..l wouldn’t be concerned because I trust they are doing what they need to do.

I'm a primary head. Children quite often come to see me and I often go to see them! Sometimes they come to me because they have done something fantastic and need a special sticker. Sometimes they come to me because they have made a poor choice and need a reminder of expectations. No big deal either way!

My daughter goes to a very small rural school (class of 12!). I’ve not heard of this as a “thing”. She’s 6, so not long out of reception. I’ve not heard of this at all and there’s been a few disruptive children. The teachers deal with it.

Get a singing bass 😅

Also remember OP that not all HT are total dragons. Chances are he/she was very fair, and spoke firmly but in an age-appropriate way. Clearly the teacher's efforts were not working as your child was continuing to defy orders and this was just a bit of a kick up the backside. If your kid is a good kid really as you say, she won't do it again.

Leave it to the teachers judgement. They know what they are doing. You weren’t even there OP - how can you possibly know better than them? I would assume she has done a few other things before that. Teachers are generally very lenient but children need to learn there are consequences for behaviour and that they need to be respectful and safe.

It sounds like she's testing boundaries at school - and that she's got you wrapped around her little finger!
The HT will have talked her through it and talked about their expectations in a kind but firm, age appropriate way no doubt. I think it's fantastic that they're taking behaviour so seriously and the HT participates so that the teacher can just concentrate on teaching. I wish my ds's smallish primary school had, he had several little shits in his year (one expelled and two almost expelled at secondary).

Me too! My immediate thought was “little sod has learnt early how to get out of trouble with mum” 😁 Got to love 4 year olds.

This is true of our small school too.

I think that's shit management of a 4 year old's behaviour by her class teacher. Huge over reaction. I would have words too.

It sounds like she’s struggling if she’s being disruptive this regularly, id imagine she’s being sent as a kind of nurture space rather than for a telling off. Speak to the school anyway.

@Poppinjay Totally agree…can’t believe so many posters on here, she’s 4 and hiding under a table isn’t often being *Naughty it’s generally feeling overwhelmed. Not sitting on the carpet can also be because they physically find it too difficult to. My 4 year old has high functioning autism and often hides under the table when feeling overwhelmed, her teacher is very gentle and comforting with her.
I’d be outraged if a 4 year old was sent to the head!

She knows how to raise you round her little finger alright.