4y/o taken to see Head

[gahwhyme]

I have a 4 year old daughter.

She's generally a lovely child, but like other small children has her moments.

She started Reception in September and we had glowing reports from her first term. Kind, friendly, helpful and ahead of her peers academically.

So I'm a bit confused as to why this week she's been sent to the Heads office three times. For reason's including not listening and hiding under a table.

While I can see that this is annoying for the teachers. There are two in her class. It does feel a rather heavy-handed response.

I'm quite put out tbh and have requested a meeting with her teachers.

AIBU to think taking a Reception age child to the Head is excessive given the slight bad behaviour

I have 5 kids and all have been really well behaved at school.
Lo and behold Weltcup parents evening for youngest recently to discover my lovely youngest bios just bloody awful!
The teacher was so relieved when I apologised and said I would do all I can to help correct his terrible behaviour rather than not believe her and assume that it was just something insignificant.

Kids can be wee monsters and sometimes mothers don't see it.

@Choconut Wow…

So sorry for the awful phone typos!

My DD had to see the head in her first week for drawing on the wall with a crayon. DS started reception this year. Today the teacher pulled DH aside and said she'd had to talk to him because he was being a bit silly and rude. Though DS just told me that this teacher was joking and also she lies all the time, so now I don't know who to believe 😉

Do you parent your dc by fear? Poor children. And what do you mean by 'we have such a feral generation'? You really do sound odd.

Some primary heads are absolute Child Whisperers. Parents can think they're all scary and harsh without exception, but what they're actually doing is finding out what the problem is, such as helping the child put words to their feelings - so they can say things like 'I'm missing you, Mummy' - outside the demands and distractions of 29 other children and the normal classroom environment - and be told after something along the lines of 'but if you hide, we get worried because we don't know where you are, so next time, tell us so Mrs Green won't be thinking 'oh no, we've lost Jessica!'; she'll know that you're missing Mummy and will be able to let her know at the end of the day so you can have an extra big hug when you get home. Now, shall we go back to class? I think it might be nearly storytime. I really like 'We're Going on a Bear Hunt', do you?'.

@spirit20

have you ever actually met a 4 year old??

@gahwhyme Given the differences between schools, I do think you should make an appointment to see the Head.

Frankly I've been involved with a lot of schools & I've never known a reception class teacher not to be able to manage 4 year olds, doing what 4 year olds do & she IS only doing what 4 year olds do.💁🏻‍♀️

You might need to toughen up a little bit though! Children are manipulative from much younger than your DD, she knows things like saying 'because she was missing you 🥺' will get her out of any trouble.

Obviously you're the 'Bestest Mummy Ever' & she may well miss you, but don't be properly sucked in by the quivering lip & puppy dog eyes.

Poor girl !!! Hiding under the table is a sign she’s completely overwhelmed, maybe school is too much for her ? I work in a school and I wouldn’t tell a child off for that. Can you cut down her hours and do part time if she carries on struggling ?

I agree

@OhmygodDont

No singing bass I'm afraid.

But I do a mean line in sparkly stickers!

I have 4 children. One is ND who hid under the table when overwhelmed (I am not for one minute suggesting your daughter is ND, just pointing out to others that children can do this when overwhelmed).

My youngest DS genuinely did miss me, he struggled being away from me and that information came from both him AND the teachers. I think it's pretty bold for everyone to suggest young children never miss their parents.

I've no idea if either of my examples are what has happened with OP daughter but people scoffing at the very idea these are possibilities is both ridiculous and I'd imagine, hurtful. I think she knows her own child better than anyone on here.

@gahwhyme with regards to small schools, they do get a more time with the HT. The reasons you've given are pretty extreme IMO though but it may more checking everything is ok with her rather than giving her into massive trouble. I'd find out the protocol and raise any concerns directly, I'm sure the HT will be more than happy to reassure you.

It does NOT mean you are a difficult parent for asking. It means you are listening to your child instead of disregarding their feelings. I'd be worried about anyone who would ignore what their child has told them because they assume they are lying/playing them. It teaches your child they won't be believed if anything more serious comes up.

Bet the head is fucking thrilled.

Don’t take my comment out of context, you know full well what I’m saying nothing odd here thanks

Exactly this, our head is usually the only person not teaching. Sometimes children just need a break from a busy classroom and sitting and having a one to one chat or drawing is often whats needed to settle/calm them down. We don't use it as a threat, just a bit of relax and time out.

You should find out what happened when she was sent to the head. Was it a stern telling off, or a chat about what is expected at school? If your daughter is hiding, it will cause massive panic for the teacher. A teacher's worst nightmare is losing a child, and she might have reacted more harshly out of sheer relief when she was found.
As her parent you should be supportive of the school and letting your daughter know the appropriate behaviour, which hiding under the table is not.

Oh bless her - this does sound excessive.

At 4 years old she's got a total of what, only 10 weeks or so of school experience. It's all still really new for her so hiding under the table because she misses her mummy isn't massively outside of the realms of possible! It would hurt my heart too, OP.

I guess it depends on what the headteacher is like with your child.

If they are a reassuring, caring people who wants to understand and support your child away from the busy classroom then ace.

If they are reading a 4 year old the riot act, then I wouldn't be happy at all!

If the boys in the class behave as your daughter is are they sent to the head? Teachers are much stricter with girls and hold them to much higher standards in my experience

Our younger ones go to the head, usually for a bit of time out, sit on bean bag and play with fidget toy - more of a calm down senerio than actually being told off

Out head is amazing with overwhelmed emotional kids. Often found to have a sleeping reception child in her office in early start of term when they are small

This is absolutely my experience. I work in an infant school office, right next to the Head's office. She is a marvel with the children, very experienced. She is so warm and caring and very very fair, but will take no messing. It's exaclty as @NeverDropYourMooncup says, she will be wanting to find out the child's motivation for the poor behaviour, because it's very difficult for the teacher to have an indepth conversation like that with the rest of the class there, and it's not like secondary school where a teacher can keep a child behind for 10 mins to find out what's going on. There could be any number of reasons for such behaviour. "She's only young" doesn't mean anything - everyone else in the class is a similar age but most of others will be able to sit on the mat and listen for a short time so the head will be able to fin out what the matter is.

I can almost guarantee that your daughter has probably displayed similar behaviours before, it won't be just a one-off, and all the normal strategies that a teacher will use just hasn't worked. She can't keep taking up all the teacher's attention when there are 29 other children to teach so sending her to the head means the head can try to get to the bottom of it.

My head absolutely deals with the children she is sent from a nurturing and loving point of view. You can almost see the love pouring out of her, as cringey and sick-making as that sounds! 😆The kids know she is there for them too, and often cuddle into her. She treats them all as her own.

This is not at all the same as being sent to the head in a secondary school or even Year 5 or 6.

Reading some of the responses I think that many posters equate going to see the Head with Billy Bunter and six of the best! She probably had alittle chat woth the Head who was trying gently to get to the reasons for her inability to settle down.

@JudgeJ
It depends on the head. Sometimes, going to the head can mean getting an absolute beasting, even at 4. OP's daughter was crying so it was obviously an upsetting situation for her.

Is she your youngest? ‘Tiny daughter’ makes me think you’re seeing her as younger than she is. Are you sure she was a well behaved as you think she was in that first half term? Even if she was missing you, hiding under the table must have caused the staff worry.

I wouldn't accept this from the school, she is acting like a normal 4 year old and I wouldn't accept that she is being made to feel bad or be punished for it. It breeds a very negative atmosphere for a child who has just been introduced to the school

I wonder what has unsettled her? Any recent changes OP? I would try to guess what has happened at home or school. Is she worried about you for any reason? Increase positive routines, time playing/reading together, family time and ask school to do some positive nurturing too.