4y/o taken to see Head

[gahwhyme]

I have a 4 year old daughter.

She's generally a lovely child, but like other small children has her moments.

She started Reception in September and we had glowing reports from her first term. Kind, friendly, helpful and ahead of her peers academically.

So I'm a bit confused as to why this week she's been sent to the Heads office three times. For reason's including not listening and hiding under a table.

While I can see that this is annoying for the teachers. There are two in her class. It does feel a rather heavy-handed response.

I'm quite put out tbh and have requested a meeting with her teachers.

AIBU to think taking a Reception age child to the Head is excessive given the slight bad behaviour

@RealBecca 🙄 I was being dramatic but it's obviously sad when my tiny daughter tells me she's been in trouble, and when I ask her why she says it's because I miss you mummy.

She's not playing me at all. If she's acting out she needs to be disciplined. Im asking if sending her to the Head is excessive.

I think @Whalesinthesea has it spot on. I’ve worked in 2 schools where this would happen and it’s often to give support to the child, see what’s happened etc. The teacher and TA have 29 other 4 year olds to look after so this is a sensible option, not a punishment.
4 year olds are smart and I suspect she told you she was hiding because she was missing you because she knew the effect that would have!

That's really harsh. I remember having a really difficult time for a few days when my DD started in reception and one day we were quite late - it was during COVID with staggered time slots to arrive to DD was supposed to arrived earlier than normal and I was late. Despite the fact that the real deadline to get in is 8:50 and we got there at 9:10, the woman sat and stared down at DD and chastised her for being 35 minutes late.

She had barely turned 5 what influence did this grown woman think my DD had on us leaving the house? DD is in year 2 now and I still get annoyed about that.

Hiding under a table because she misses you makes no sense. It is however disruptive and risks causing a mass panic as they search the school for her.

I think you need to have a stern word with her about behaving herself rather than feeling traumatised.

Smaller more intimate schools will use the head more often because the head will know all the children and can give extra support to each child. In a larger school the head just doesn’t have the time/know all the children.

you’ll also find in smaller schools the head is used more again also for praise, like going to the head with good work to show off and head a head sticker etc compared to bigger schools.

As a teacher, I definitely wouldn't be sending a child to see the head unless there was something major that had happened.
This does seem excessive to me, especially for a reception child.
I would want of know what is happening during the carpet sessions, how long staff are expecting the children to sit / listen and how your child is coping during this time.

Sometimes being ticked off by a different adult is what is needed to nip bad behavior in the bud.
Time will tell if she does it again.

Why is she missing you? Are you at home with a bsby sibling? Aare you ill? Do you tell you miss her when she at school?
Do some role play with her teddies going to school , try to understsnd what she communicating with her behsviour
What does she think you do while she is at school?

Oh please 🙄 perhaps your tiny daughter isn’t as perfect as you think. That are masters at manipulation from an early age

If she is acting out
Need to find out why
Perhaps head teacher is trying to find out with gentle questions

This sounds like it could be a child who is struggling to cope in the school environment and communicating it in the only way she knows how.

You need to explore with her in a completely blameless way why she left the reading mat and why she hid under a table. Hiding under a table is something children often do when they are completely overwhelmed and have no idea what to do about it.

If she is struggling, punishing her or telling her off will just make things worse.

What are the school doing to find out the reason behind these behaviours? There is no point in using sanctions for behaviour you don't fully understand.

In small schools the head is much more involved in everyday matters. You need to work with your dd on following instructions.

For a reception child to be 'sent it the head's office' this would likely involve a member of reception staff taking her and waiting while she is spoken to. At 4 years old, in a new school, I can't imagine why this would be necessary! Surely the staff she is familiar with could talk to her and work out why she is behaving in this way - there shouldn't really be any reason to involve the head teacher, unless it is really serious!

Let's imagine that the adults were searching for your child because she was hiding under the table. This will be time consuming and worrying. Imagine she does that while you are at home. Would you be annoyed she caused you worry?

Our school does send reception children to the head, and usually there’s a serious reason of why they would. Child needs to act out a lot. I would be concerned how to help your child more than anything, and would request an appointment to see what’s the issue and how to support your child.

It was light hearted so I'm sorry for upsetting you.

But do I think its excessive - no, not really. It leaves the teacher to focus on the class and gives a child the chance to speak up if there is something worrying them without loads of other little ears around. I wouldnt see it as a scare tactic X

I'm so glad someone else has said this.

I was a bugger for it when I was a kid. I used to turn on the puppy dog eyes and flatter my way out of everything with my parents, and with my teachers too! 😂

If she's been sent to the head it's highly likely she's been warned several times about a behaviour, and carried on doing it.
Schools have behaviour policies and step one is never send to the head.
They'll have asked her to stop doing it.
Then if she didn't they'd have done something like an in classroom consequence like a warning, moved onto a 'red area' of a behaviour chart etc.
If she then carried on doing it.....well they do have to have a consequence don't they for children who aren't doing as they are asked despite repeatedly being asked/warned.

It's poor of the teacher not to sort this out with a short and sharp 'get out from under the table' and 'we do not leave the read mat', please com back. I mean how does the teacher deal with a properly difficult child? The op's dd was crying so felt intimidated and upset, as the teacher pulled a power thing on her. Harsh and nasty in my opinion. I would ask for the behaviour policy and have a friendly word to find out whites happening, no need to complain. One of my dc's reception teacher was a proper Bitch so I can understand. Always have your dc's back but of course do chose your battles and it's best to cooperate with the school rather than fight them. Try and work this out with the teacher.

Management by fear is an extremely damaging and outdated approach.

She hid under the table/left the reading mat etc and got sent to the head? Or did they send her to the head because they asked her to do what she was told twenty times and she either refused or just ignored them so they sent her to the head?

If it is the first one, it seems over the top. If it is the second, then it seems proportionate.

Damaging and outdated ? Really ? That’s why we have such a feral generation because there is no fear of authority

It does seem massively OTT but maybe it’s actually having the opposite effect. She behaved ‘badly’ (in their eyes) and got sent to the head and got 1:1 attention, so she behaved ‘badly’ again and got another trip, etc etc…

The most likely scenario here, given she was sent to the head, is that the teacher did exactly that, asked her to get out from under the table, and she refused.

As otherwise I don't think she'd have got sent to the head! Can you imagine how much of the day would be wasted if each of the kids, at some point in the day, pulled a stunt like this? The teacher would do nothing but coax kids out from under tables, all the other kids, instead of engaging in stimulating play and learning would be watching the disruptive kid. Sounds great, really.
Except it's not. So schools act early to nip this sort of thing firmly in the bud.

Oh man. That’s tough. Seems like an OTT reaction to me, I’d be speaking to them

This is normal in my DCs' rural primary too. DCs are also sent to the head if they have done a particularly outstanding piece of work for praise and a special HT's sticker.