AIBU for overreacting to comment by John Lewis

[filletofishmeal]

I was on the phone to John Lewis as they failed to deliver an item ( did not put it on their load), and as the person was processing a new delivery date he was making small talk about the reason why I was purchasing a TV. I said it was for the cricket world up, and he asked who I thought I was going to win the tournament. I replied that I am British, so am backing England. He then told me that my name does not sound British, where are my parents from?
I snapped at that point and got a bit shirty with him, as I felt it was unreasonable for him to assume I am not British just because of my surname.

I worked in call centres for 15 years and never had to resort to asking someone where their parents were from to make conversation.

The OP said she was British. The guy decides this isn't good enough, her name isn't British enough so asks where her parents were from, the inference being they couldnt be British. Its rude, it's potentially racist and it's overly intrusive.

It's not really hard to make conversation that's inoffensive.

If someone asked me what team I was supporting in cricket and I said England, I would expect a follow up of what team they were supporting or what chance they thought England would have. Not questions about my parents ethnicity.

But why did OP feel the need to say 'I am British' ? Assuming she was phoning John Lewis from the UK then her statement was quite strange and what triggered the guy to question her further.

Isn't there a line from a Who song ?

"I look all white but my Dad was black ..."

It's a racist microaggression.

That doesn't mean that the person saying it is evil, but it is somethign we should all pay mind to.

Stupid to get offended by this

Ohhh cop yourself on.

I agree OP, it’s incredibly wearing when it happens.

“othering” always. “You’re not REALLY British are you?” “But where are you REALLY from!”

If people are white British they don’t seem to understand this - as this thread clearly shows

I despair.

I understand you OP. It gets really tiring after a while if people keep asking where are you really from because of your surname. I really wanted DD to have my surname but afraid she is going to be asked the same questions over and over again and would feel she is not British even though she is born and raised here so in the end i gave her the surname of her dad who has an English surname!

You presume wrong.

If he'd said he didn't think you were British because of your last name, that might be annoying but it sounds as though he was just trying to make conversation and see if you had family/ancestry somewhere interesting. It just sounds like general chit chat to me.

He's probably worried that you're going to report him for racism or something. I hope not!

It is very much unconscious bias, OP. It demonstrates that the call handler has a clear view of what surnames sound 'British' and those that don't. I imagine John Lewis management would take a very dim view of it.

They may not be racist, but they need educating.

I have an unusual name, both first and surname, and people always ask me and my mum where we're from or where the name came from. I don't take offence but just tell them where it's from!

Saying to someone “your name doesn’t sound British - where are your parents from” AFTER THEY’VE TOLD YOU THEY ARE BRITISH - is opening a big can of worms. Very clumsy and unprofessional. Much more likely to be clumsy than racist, but still really clumsy.

Hello I’m Mr Sunak, the British PM.
The British PM? You’re British are you? That doesn’t sound like a British name. Etc

It was probably some kid who has been trained to make small talk and did so in a clumsy way. I very much doubt he intended to cause offense, especially as those calls can be monitored.

I also find it really sad that we can't be interested in the heritage of others. I love sharing my own experience of being the daughter of an immigrant mum, the cultural traditions we keep within my family, and I love hearing about it from others. Maybe your surname is something he associated with a place he's particularly interested in and he just wanted to express that.

Would it be racist if the person saying that it doesn't sound like a British name was Indian or had Indian heritage?

Damn you and your level-headed courtesy and politeness!

Don't you know that you are experiencing a racist microaggression due to the unconscious bias of someone brainwashed by an inherent deep-rooted oppressive, colonial misogyny?! Next time someone comments on your unusual name you must take them to the side and sternly educate them on how their actions were wrong and how they must 'try harder'.

And I had an unusual maiden name which I hated and was glad to be rid of when I married, despite being a feminist who would otherwise have thought twice about changing it on marriage. We're all different.

If he had an 'awful day' because of the OP's irritation then that's on him. There are ways to make small talk as part of good customer service. Asking about something as personal, often with links to culture, nationality and race, as a customer's surname is NOT one of them.

FFS Observing that someone has an international name and enquiring about it's origins is not racist. Treating someone differently because of their name is.

I am British
My father was from the Middle East
I grew up with a very non-British surname which i still use for work. Lots of people ask me about the origin and I pleased to talk about my lovely dad and where he came from.
I am also married to someone whose father was not British. So my married surname is also clearly international. I get asked about it's origins as well.

It's just SMALL TALK

"I replied that I am British, so am backing England. He then told me that my name does not sound British, where are my parents from?
I snapped at that point and got a bit shirty with him, as I felt it was unreasonable for him to assume I am not British just because of my surname."

Bloody hell. What makes you think he was assuming you are not British? You'd just told him you were British - unless he said "with a surname like that, I don't believe you", I don't know why you'd take umbrage. He was showing a bit of curiosity about your origins.

It is not racist to be curious!

I'm one of hundreds of millions of people whose surname does not match their nationality. Anyone, literally anyone can ask me about it and I'll happily tell them.

I have a good friend who is very difficult to place - she is of mixed ethnicity with beautiful brown skin and maybe-Asian features, and speaks with a very interesting accent. She loves it when people are curious enough to ask her where she's from. It's an obvious first question when you meet her, and she doesn't get why some people don't dare ask.

Why would asking about someone's heritage be racist? As a pp has said, if you are treated differently because of your nationality, that is racist. But this wasn't racist.

He didn't assume you weren't British, he responded to you randomly choosing to tell him that you are British when he asked who you wanted to win the cricket, rather than saying 'England. Are you watching it? Who do you think will win?'

Perhaps he thought you were more interested in talking about your nationality and family history than the cricket because that's where you led the conversation. If you'd said 'I'm buying it because my current TV is too quiet to hear over the kids yelling' he would probably have asked something about your kids, if you'd said your dog broke your old one he would have asked about your dog. He was just chatting while he waited for the computer to catch up.

You need to go back to English class, irony doesn't mean what you think it means.

Jesus. Is this what the world is like? People get offended by anything! It's small talk. Poor guy.

You over reacted he was simply making small talk. I am regularly asked where my first name is from. Oddly its old English just rather unusual these days my accent however is not British. And nor is my passport. So I say "Its old English actually" and small talk goes in a different direction to where people thought it would.

If you don't want to say where your parents are from. Make it up. The guy will not remember next day he is just passing the time

So many people have said they've experienced the same, they just aren't petty, so they don't let it bother them

I AM SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE.
#valid