AIBU for overreacting to comment by John Lewis

[filletofishmeal]

I was on the phone to John Lewis as they failed to deliver an item ( did not put it on their load), and as the person was processing a new delivery date he was making small talk about the reason why I was purchasing a TV. I said it was for the cricket world up, and he asked who I thought I was going to win the tournament. I replied that I am British, so am backing England. He then told me that my name does not sound British, where are my parents from?
I snapped at that point and got a bit shirty with him, as I felt it was unreasonable for him to assume I am not British just because of my surname.

Agreed. Presumably staff are encouraged to talk to customers rather than just stick them on hold whilst they work in the background. Many more customers like the OP and that hold button will look VERY inviting.

I've worked in call centres and when you get genuinely pleasant people on the phone who are polite are courteous it can make the job far less depressing.

I think this is really sad. I am genuinely interested to hear other peoples stories but wouldn’t ask anything in case I offend them. Also, it wouldn’t even cross my mind that you weren’t from somewhere in Great Britain because you have a different colour skin. Surely we’re past that now and know that Great Britain is multi cultural!
if interest isn’t shown in peoples background then we’re accused of not embracing their cultures.

I mean it’s not great but I think in the context it is ok. He could have wanted to follow up with “my surname is x, my family are from y, near yours!” for all we know.

I have a very Scottish name (and accent) and lived in England for a good few years. It’s not quite the same, but I do understand how jarring it is to be told your name is unusual, you have a “different” accent and to be asked where you are from constantly.

I'm laughing at the bickering going on over who suffers racism the worst, the criticising that whites always want to be centered in any racism discussion.

While arguing that BAME have it worst and should be centered 😂

You think the whites want to be talked about, and are getting hurt that BAME are not being talked about.

Oh the irony

Dear God...shoot me now..we're getting to the point where we will have to analyse each word we utter for fear of backlash by some twitty knobhead. It's actually people like you who are racist - ordinary everyday people think nothing of stuff like this..

Who cares
The guy was being friendly
People want to be offended these days

Oh for goodness sake, he was probably just making small talk because he was bored - or he was genuinely interested in where your surname originates from! I'm neurodiverse and feel very awkward when it comes to small talk so hearing things like this puts me off ever opening my mouth! I also have a surname that no one can spell or pronounce but I don't get offended if someone asks me where it's from! Be proud of your heritage!

To go along Lady Gaga’s lines (when asked if she had a male appendage)… “and if you weren’t British why would that matter anyway?”. Why get annoyed? are you ultra right or something?

I think I've figured out why the OP hasn't returned.
She's utterly gob smacked that this has turned in to a racism thread when her annoyance was that he assumed she isn't married!

Asking about her name and then her parents assumes it's her maiden name not her married name.

Ooh Eck, what label can we throw at that?? Was he being ageist?? Was he being singleist??? He must have being something other than chatty, mustn't he??!

Maybe some paranoia pills would help the snapping at people?

I have a very non British surname and am often asked where it’s from (to me it’s obvious but not to others!). It’s just small talk. It doesn’t come from a place of harm. He didn’t insinuate you weren’t British because of it. He was just wondering. He won’t bother anymore!

Oh no! A potential micro aggression....

Try immediately to get him sacked. That'll make you feel better.

And yeah, I've got an unusual name too

Yanbu.
Assumptions are made.
If your name isn't Smith, Jones etc then you are not British.

My surname is Kenyan (more specifically it's Kikuyu). If someone is interested in the name they say ooh, I've not heard that before. Where's that from?

I have no problem at all with that. That's inoffensive small talk.

"That's not a British name, where are your parents from" is not. It's just not.

It’s a microaggression. Disappointed in all the people telling you to get a grip, presumably because they’ve been lucky enough never to come up against this kind of bias.

I think the issue is that he didn't ask "where is your surname from?" He asked "where are your PARENTS from?"

My maiden name wasn't British but you'd have to go back many many generations to find a person born outside the UK. The assumption that op's family must have moved to the UK as recently as her parents is racist.

Op I don't think you're being unreasonable, it was really tactless and very telling about his attitude. I'd personally complain. It's not ok to ask someone where their parents are from, it really is blatant racism

Have you experienced racism?

I think it was accidental racism. He was making conversation and didnt realise that it was racist and you could have gently pointed that out. I know, I know, everyone is over the conversation if teaching people what is and isnt ok to say but do you honestly think he was trying to be racist? If noone tells him he wont know. I get this all the time with my surname and people are just interested.

Poor bloke..

This thread reminds me somewhat of arguing with my 80-something DM, who grew up in a completely white world, who insists that grilling my brown-skinned, British-born friends on where they're really from is just "taking an interest" and "they appreciate it".

I have what is definitely a British surname but it’s pretty rare so no one has ever heard of it. So I get this all the time. I couldn’t get worked up about this.
I think it’s weirder that you made a point of being British in the first place to be honest - you brought it up, not him.

Oh do come back OP. You've rilled MN up with a is it/isn't it racism post then disappeared..

Racist? Ffs. There's nothing remotely racist about that conversation and you sound very precious

It just seems that people actively looking for reasons to be offended in everything. Surely being British these days implies that you’ll have some really interesting ancestry - being proud of it doesn’t make you any less British, just as someone being interested doesn’t make them racist.

Do you not have many conversations with people? Yes you're unreasonable and lack social skills by the sounds of it.

Are we now at the stage where we can just self-identify as any nationality?