AIBU for overreacting to comment by John Lewis

[filletofishmeal]

I was on the phone to John Lewis as they failed to deliver an item ( did not put it on their load), and as the person was processing a new delivery date he was making small talk about the reason why I was purchasing a TV. I said it was for the cricket world up, and he asked who I thought I was going to win the tournament. I replied that I am British, so am backing England. He then told me that my name does not sound British, where are my parents from?
I snapped at that point and got a bit shirty with him, as I felt it was unreasonable for him to assume I am not British just because of my surname.

It might have been a little clumsy, but it wasn't racist and you need to get over it.

You hugely overreacted to what was just friendly small talk that he made while trying to help you with your query. Well done.

FFS, get a grip.

YABU
The guy was just trying to be friendly. Nothing racist about asking where the surname may be from.
I am of different nationality, but my surname may be unusual for some. Once a lovely lady at Argos asked me if it's Arabic (and she was Arabic herself). Didn't feel it was intrusive at all.

@pastafairyan why can't her parents be british?
Honestly, it gets really tiresome having to explain time and time again that yes, you are british, yes your parents are british. Yes,you all speak English, yes you were all born in the UK.

Has anyone thought that the OP’s name may be Eastern European or from the Mediterranean.

In answer to the original question- yes YABU for over-reacting. That’s exactly what it was - an over-reaction. If you can remember his name, ring back and leave an apology for him. I have done that before when I was an arse on the phone to someone.

Oh ffs - it was just friendly, interested chit chat.

My surname is Scottish. Am I Scottish? No but my grandparents are.

Why do people have to get offended over literally nothing.

Before I clicked the thread I was expecting to say YABU but YANBU, the "where are you really from" thing is racist AF.

Why is that a problem? I realise a lot of people with British passports do support other countries in the cricket, but it's reasonable enough for a British person to decide to support the only UK team left in the competition (technically they're England and Wales, but only Welsh pedants like me refer to them as that in casual conversation, they're always called England).

The OP's discussion is all about the context. If her name is Rossi for example, then saying "where are your parents from" is arguably innocuous small talk although she may find it tedious. If it's Patel then it's bordering on racism, unless the interlocutor is in a call centre from Mumbai, or a Brit of Indian ancestry trying to make a connection.

I thought it might be a name like Toksvig, which is a Danish name.

I’m British. Born here. Parents born in Britain. One grandparent born in Britain. 3 grandparents and all great grandparents Eastern European. Dd has an Asian surname. She looks like the child of a stereotypical Viking. It WILL confuse/interest people. I’ve never been offended by people asking about my own non-English name. Even though I’m British, I know it clearly isn’t from Britain. Why would it be offensive to be asked about it?

Jesus are you actually being serious. What a load of shite!

OP get over yourself. It was small talk. Bet he wishes he’d never bothered his arse now!

Ridiculous. I am mixed race, mother is English and I grew up here, I have a very British accent but clearly look mixed race.
The only people that ask of my heritage are those from other ethnic backgrounds.

Op I think you are being a bit precious, you’ve probably made the customer service agent feel bad, he was probably just trying to make small talk and he likely does have some roots to other parts of the world and that’s what prompted his question.

I see racism regularly, it doesn’t look like this, and these days, racism is much more institutional than when I was growing up and it was every Tom, dick and Harry throwing racist slurs around.

Exactly!

He didn't say not having an English sounding name was a bad thing!!! From what the OP has written, he didnt even vaguely suggest it was a bad thing.

So how in the hell are people jumping on the racist band waggon??

Why is it necessarily “racist” to ask the name history if it relates to a non-white name?

What's the relevance??

What a fuss over nothing! How ridiculous. Can’t say anything these days.

Because there are a core group of posters on here who have decided the OP must have a surname that is typically from a country with a non-white majority, and the caller must have been white as is anyone saying he wasn’t racist, and as all white people are racist it will have definitely been racist.

A relative is British but has a foreign surname from a predominantly white country. They never get offended or take it as racist if anyone asks where they’re from.

It all depends on the person asking the question. Maybe they weren't born here and sensed a kindred spirit? Maybe they're asked all the time if they're British? I suspect that's the case, because it's a funny thing to ask otherwise. Brits are used to interacting with people whose surnames originated from all over the place and wouldn't normally comment. So unless you think this person was deliberately setting out to make you feel uncomfortable, which seems unlikely from a John Lewis customer service person who presumably comes across loads of weird names. YABU. They were just interested and making conversation. I wouldn't do it, personally, but that's because I'm not normally interested in the person I'm talking to!

And if you didn’t cotton on, I am “properly” British, despite being mixed race.
The fact you are obviously assuming that being “properly” British also means one has to be white, makes you the racist one.

I'm baffled why so many people are bringing skin colour into this when this was a conversation on the phone. The person in the call-centre didn't know the OP's skin colour and vice-versa. It was merely a question about the origins of a surname.

Small talk will be a thing of the past if we continue with this nonsense and look for 'micro-aggressions' in every bloody comment! Then we'll just be serviced by robots, automated systems and computers and what a joy that'll be eh?

People are offended by absolutely everything these days. He was just making small talk, I couldn’t get worked up about it.
I live in a different part of the UK from where I was born and have a very different accent. I am always being told that I clearly don’t come from around here and asked by people where I come from, it’s not a dissimilar question, and I’ve never found it remotely offensive.

Just a side note to stick up for the John Lewis customer service advisor. These people get paid minimum wage, sit in a big soulless office and get spoken to like this by at best snobby rich folk at worst horrible nasty pieces of work. All day.

Im sure he thought he was making nice small talk not meaning to offend. Obviously it did offend you and that’s fine. But what I’m saying is out of the hundreds of conversations he’s had that day maybe he just felt ah maybe this call is going okay… maybe I can just make small talk.

Its a rough job that I did for a year, now I can’t answer the phone!

It's called conversation.

Yes, I get it a lot because I don't sound English.

Some if you will be very pleased when
nobody talks to anyone, about anything.

FFS

@filletofishmeal

as above, he was just making conversation, stop being so offended at everything.