AIBU for overreacting to comment by John Lewis

[filletofishmeal]

I was on the phone to John Lewis as they failed to deliver an item ( did not put it on their load), and as the person was processing a new delivery date he was making small talk about the reason why I was purchasing a TV. I said it was for the cricket world up, and he asked who I thought I was going to win the tournament. I replied that I am British, so am backing England. He then told me that my name does not sound British, where are my parents from?
I snapped at that point and got a bit shirty with him, as I felt it was unreasonable for him to assume I am not British just because of my surname.

Those posters who think that OP's experience was fine need to have a good look at yourself.

She's not overreacting. It shouldn't happen.

The call handler(s) should be trained in customer service and appropriate conversation,

Telling the handler you're British, and being met with a 'that's not a British surname/you don't sound British' is a pretty clear indication that the handler has a definite view of what is or isn't.

Is it okay for them to say that to their kids? Your children at school? Your mum?

I'm a white woman in my 50s.

Seems pretty clear to me.

This is true. I love the British ability for small talk.

@ancientgran

And you only have to look at Twitter to see the racist 'curry at No 10' comments from all those 'non-racist' commenters who would never make a slur in their lives

Actually I do see what you mean, if he worded it that way. I have formed an idea in my head that the conversation was more along the lines of "Oh that's an interesting last name, where is it from?"

People on here need to educate themselves.

The telephone operator can believe he was acting politely and "just making small talk" and still be othering and performing a racist microaggression.

I'm a white Briton who has definitely said some racist things in my time. Not intentionally, but definitely without thinking enough about what reaction my comments might give. Having these discussions freely, where we can accept that our good intentions don't guarantee a good outcome is where we should all start.

It doesn't mean people aren't allowed to make perfectly harmless small talk. Curry at number 10 comments and harmless smalltalk are not the same thing. Stop trying to see racism where it isn't. It makes the problem even worse.

Ffs it was a young call handler trying to make polite small talk in a clumsy way. Stop seeing racism where it isn’t.

as I said I am white with a very non British surname. When people make similar comments to me it is not racist and I am not offended whatsoever.

If you have experienced people using it as the latter, then how would you know?

Well I don't look at twitter but with his wealth and power do you really think twitter is an issue? I'm sure when he's counting his money and putting his address as 10 Downing St it doesn't occur to him that he's some sort of persecuted minority.

So, as a white person, you don't experience it as racism. Can you see why you might feel differently as someone who wasn't white?

He's wealthy and powerful so racism isn't an issue? Really?

Can't believe this crap hasn't been zapped yet.

I’m fairly certain he couldn’t see the colour of her skin down the phone!!!

He's wealthy and powerful so not being on an equal par isn't an issue, I don't suppose for a moment he considers himself to not be on an equal par with anyone in the country.

Exactly.

I’m fairly certain he couldn’t see the colour of her skin down the phone!!!
And neither can we!

So racism isn't an issue as long as the victim considers themselves on "an equal par"?

The OP was the one who brought being on an equal par up. Her parents told her she would never be on an equal par because she was Asian, are you suggesting Rishi Sunak isn't on an equal par with the rest of the UK population? I'm sure he'd be surprised to find that out. Do you see him as a victim?

The OP was asked a question, she sees it as offensive because she assumes it is a negative reaction to her name which is a shame but it doesn't make it racist.

Exactly this. Some totally bullshit posts on here. It absolutely IS inappropriate and should NOT be said. It IS a micro aggression, and I don't believe anyone who says it wouldn't bother them, even if it was only a little bit. And if it happens every time you say your name, it would get very annoying very quickly.

And the posters saying 'I have a surname that's typically non British/non English, and people are always asking ME if I'm from another country. I am never offended, so anyone who IS offended is a whiny little princess and a snowflake, and needs to get a life!' can just BORE OFF!

You do NOT get to tell people they shouldn't be offended. Just don't even go there! Who the F do you think you are, that you can dictate that people are precious snowflakes if they're offended?! Just do one, seriously.

Oh, precious….

🙄

May I suggest you get out more.

Bloody hell, calm down 🙄

@Tinner01

Did OP say the call handler was young?

I didn't see that, but if they were - even more strange, as younger people are exposed to more British diversity in music/TV/popular culture than older generations.

How about you DO call out racism where you see it, or are you an apologiser in general?

Who exactly do you think you are that you have the right to tell me to 'calm down?'

You can shove this patronising, misogynistic tactic - designed to shut women down - where the sun don't shine! You're not going to shut me down. Nice try though eh?

This. Some of the comments on here have been shocking. Never seen so much minimising of blatant racism and bigotry on one thread before. It needs zapping. It's vile. I'm out. CBA with it anymore.

It's a public forum. Unless MN headquarters deem otherwise then he /she does have the right.