AIBU for overreacting to comment by John Lewis

[filletofishmeal]

I was on the phone to John Lewis as they failed to deliver an item ( did not put it on their load), and as the person was processing a new delivery date he was making small talk about the reason why I was purchasing a TV. I said it was for the cricket world up, and he asked who I thought I was going to win the tournament. I replied that I am British, so am backing England. He then told me that my name does not sound British, where are my parents from?
I snapped at that point and got a bit shirty with him, as I felt it was unreasonable for him to assume I am not British just because of my surname.

Or if you didn’t look the slightest bit Chinese but your name was Chinese. My s

Your Scottish husband won't be supporting England?! That's shocking.

You're easily shocked, hen.

😂

You actually answered your own question in your thread title.

You asked if YWBU in overreacting to the comment by John Lewis.

By its very nature, overreacting is unreasonable. It's right there in the verb, overreacting.

I think it’s a subtle reminder of how if you are any thing other than White British, you don’t really belong here, and is very rude.

It must be very draining and upsetting to have those messages reinforced.

My surname is welsh. I am not. I get asked about it all the time.

Doesn't offend me.

Some people are just interested about people’s heritage and different cultures etc. I can see you got annoyed but I don’t think it was meant to offend.

Can see why you got annoyed

How is it his business where your parents are from? 🤔YANBU, you are not besties for him to quiz you this and that. He should have asked for your Midheaven and Ascendant Rising, as well as your hospital location, Mr Inspector Gadget😬

That reminds me of when I was doing a Saturday job at M&S in the 60s. It was a really hot summer and we didn't have air conditioning. A customer commented on how uncomfortable the heat was and I agreed with her. She snapped at me and told me I was being paid so not appropriate for me to comment.

The public can be truly awful to deal with at times and even talking about the weather isn't safe.

I don't have a British surname. The guy is just making small talk. Jeez. Get over it. Does everything have to be such a bloody drama / reason to take offence these days 🙄

The OP didn't say she had a non-white sounding name though, her name might be Macron and he was going to ask if she's related to the French president or it might be Scandinavian and he's going to Sweden on holiday and wondered if she had any recommendations.
People assuming the name was non-white sounding are jumping to conclusions.

I bet the people at those call centres, have to put up with a lot of complaints, all day, everyday, over stuff they had no personal control over but they try to put things right, probably for minimum wage at that.
Would it really have hurt you, to have given a civil answer to the question?

If the perpetually offended choose to take it that way. I doubt it's actually intended that way by the majority anyway.

Tbh your inability to make small talk is not very British!

The relevance was people are assuming that is racism against a non white person.

And I have a non-British surname and don't give a stuff.
Everyone reacts differently, no need to try and make it "y'all don't UNDERSTAND".

This..

There's very few people on this post who understand me. I was only asked where my parents are from because of my Asian sounding name. If my surname was Smith or Jones for example, they would be less likely to ask where my parents are from.

My parents used to tell me in school that even though I am born here, can speak English better than majority of the population and have assimilated into British culture that I would never be on equal par due to my surname. It gets very draining having to be undermined at every step.

Is there no differentiation though between polite interest in a recognisably foreign name and using it as a weapon against someone to other them?

Well if your parents brought you up telling you that it is no wonder you view things the way you do.

I think Rishi Sunak has passed the equal par stage, he's almost 100% certainly richer and more powerful than anyone on here. His parents probably gave him a more positive outlook and he had the confidence to make it happen.

I feel like I need to add I am very far left leaning but I struggle to group together any and all forms of recognising someone's otherness/heritage/background because I'm terribly wary of the "I don't see colour" narrative and how close those things actually are under the surface.

What I mean is if there's nothing wrong with having foreign heritage, and all you need to be British is to be born here or assimilate here (true), then assuming that acknowledging different heritages is automatically negative just feeds into the narrative that is is negative - if that makes sense?

Agreed it is confirmation bias! If you grow up thinking people judge you because of your surname then you are also going to thinking people commenting on your surname is judging.

op im sorry you feel this way but it is experienced by many other people and I’m sure he meant no harm. he said it in a very clumsy way but not to judge or be rude

Also op if you are Indian- England played india yesterday so surely it was harmless small talk? People often ask me who I’m supporting when my country of origin plays England