H said he can't see a problem with what David Walliams said

[Dinosaurs23]

Just talking to DH about our days and I said

"Did you see the thing about David Walliams"

He hadn't. I explained. That Walliams said about a BGT contestant

"She’s like the slightly boring girl you meet in the pub that thinks you want to fuck them, but you don’t. It’s the last thing on your mind, but she’s like: ‘Yep, I bet you do!’ ‘No I don’t!’ I had a bit of a boner, but now it’s going, it’s now shrivelled up inside my body.”

DH then said

"and? was the girl really young or something?"

I said - its total misogyny. He rolled his eyes. And said "it's unpleasant at most"

I haven't slept properly in ages (young DC) and me and DH have been winding each other up and I've been thinking about separation for months, but mainly deciding it is worth it to keep trying & not make everyones' lives much worse, there is no abuse, we can have a laugh, we are affectionate.

But this feels like a final straw. Like I just think it's gross.

Am I overreacting. I can't tell at the moment because lack of sleep and work pressure means I feel like crying/getting angry pretty easily.

But I mean...that's not a good reflection on his values is it?

AIBU: it's no big deal at all, just a difference in opinion
AINBU: your DH sounds like a sexist pig and its probably a terrible role model for your sons. LEAVE NOW.

Men and women say similar things about the opposite sex/same sex

I never quite understand this outrage that sexual attraction or the lack of it is part of human behaviour or discussion or description of each other.

Its not misogyny either, totally overused but misused word on here.

He is in a privileged position of power and is completely disrespectful to someone

That's the entire premise of the show. A small number of people go through, most of them make fools of themselves and get humiliated on national television.

David Walliams being unpleasant does not surprise me even though awful comments and should not be said in a workplace.

You know that blokes don’t have to fancy every woman they see don’t you? It’s not a reflection on you as a woman if a bloke doesn’t fancy you, you’re just not his type. I don’t fancy 99.9% of blokes and I’m sure DH would be happy to know that. It’s no reflection on the blokes as I’m sure a lot of them are nice and also have admirers, it’s just the admirers aren’t me 🤷‍♀️

I agree, they sign up for possible humiliation - but on the basis of their 'talent' rather than their appearance or their sexual desirability. I don't think anyone would be complaining if Walliams had been overheard saying 'she's a terrible singer' (or whatever skill their performance was based on)

Yes, but if a man walks into your workplace whom you don't fancy, do you proclaim to your other colleagues that you don't fancy him (although he obviously fancies you)?

I don't view this as misogyny either. It's a bit of a nob thing to say but that's about it.

Many would, you mustn’t get out much or speak to others all that often

Well, I have worked full time for almost 30 years and I've never heard that type of comment in the office. I can't speak for what some people might say out and about socially, but that's not what we're talking about here.

probably because your experience is outdated then

God there’s some really odd replies on this thread.

Gives me the creeps.

Outdated? I said I have worked full time for almost 30 years - i.e. I am still working full-time now - at this moment in time I am in full-time employment, working with a team of colleagues!

I agree, they sign up for possible humiliation - but on the basis of their 'talent' rather than their appearance or their sexual desirability.

Some of them have clearly been put through in part because they aren't well presented and don't look attractive on camera. Judges, especially Cowell, have made plenty of personal remarks about appearances in the past. "Your mouth is too big, it's like a cave", "You look like a stretched version of her", "You look like Vicky Pollard" etc.

Occasionally they turned the expectation on its head, most notably with Susan Boyle (who was also shot and set up in such a way to make you think she was going to be bad), but they are very clearly using appearance as a humiliation factor and always have.

Its not misogyny, can be said for men too.

Yep. My female colleagues at work said that kind of thing and worse about male colleagues and visitors.

Yep, but to be working FT for 30 years makes you what, 50s?

most understand their perception and views are influenced by age, most older people at my work aren’t included in many conversations about certain topics like these so I’d imagine that’s why you don’t think people make said comments, over them not actually happening

Do you consider it verbal flashing when women on here describe something or someone that makes their vaginas dry up like the Sahara

I think there's a key difference in that boners are the active element IYSWIM and so it comes with an element of intimidation and threat, like flashing.

I do see your point to an extent and I think there are double standards, but at the same time I think that's why – because women discussing things they consider a turn-off are not drawing anyone's attention to their power to intimidate, invade or force.

I wouldn't leave him because of the comment but it does sound like you're growing to resent him so I'd leave him because of that

It’s also common for men to be killed by their wives

Never said it was common for men to be killed by their spouses.

not able to read or comprehend basic comments on here and basic lack of awareness of the definitions of words you use, hardly a catch

Oh the irony @DrWhitWho

Hypocrite or just a cunt?

This

I am actually slightly younger than Walliams himself.

I'm in my 30s, have worked in a variety of places. Nowhere would it have been acceptable to start talking about your boner to the office in general. I can imagine some groups of men might have done it among themselves but if so, they were smart enough not to be overheard.

Is this one of those typical mumsnet seeking approval threads where you want everyone to use the buzzword 'misogynistic' and LTB?

It's a bit cringe but Jesus if this is the final straw to leave then just go.

YABU

Was it a twatty thing for Walliams to say? 100% absolutely. Is it something to leave your husband over? Not the hill I'd die on. You're sleep deprived so it's pretty normal to resent your SO for unreasonable things. Try to keep a sense of perspective that maybe things aren't as bad as they feel right now. Having said that, it sounds like there are many other issues in your relationship, and this is a "Straw that broke the camel's back" situation. If the relationship is over, it's over.

His description is the most accurate description of DW I've ever heard. DW is 'that girl'.

David walliams didn't say anything about the girls looks. In fact it could be taken that he's basically saying that it's like when you initially meet someone who you find attractive and who seems interesting (ie his initial boner) but then they quickly change your opinion by being boring and in love with them self (deduced from him pointing out that she is convinced that someone still wants to shag her despite him long since losing interest) and not really interested in the other person because if they were then they would not fail to notice that their interest had gone. I'm not thinking that's misogyny as such , but then again the same scenario could also be that he was the self obsessed one convinced that she wanted to sleep with him when in reality she might have not fancied him at all lol! So it could be read either way, but of course David was trying to come out with something witty and cutting to describe a singing act he found less than good , to create controversy and ensure his continued survival as a judge . What you are concerned about it that you feel that your partner seems to think that it's ok for a man to make these type of remarks and he was stupid asking if the girl was very young ot something as that just boggles the mind further!!