H said he can't see a problem with what David Walliams said

[Dinosaurs23]

Just talking to DH about our days and I said

"Did you see the thing about David Walliams"

He hadn't. I explained. That Walliams said about a BGT contestant

"She’s like the slightly boring girl you meet in the pub that thinks you want to fuck them, but you don’t. It’s the last thing on your mind, but she’s like: ‘Yep, I bet you do!’ ‘No I don’t!’ I had a bit of a boner, but now it’s going, it’s now shrivelled up inside my body.”

DH then said

"and? was the girl really young or something?"

I said - its total misogyny. He rolled his eyes. And said "it's unpleasant at most"

I haven't slept properly in ages (young DC) and me and DH have been winding each other up and I've been thinking about separation for months, but mainly deciding it is worth it to keep trying & not make everyones' lives much worse, there is no abuse, we can have a laugh, we are affectionate.

But this feels like a final straw. Like I just think it's gross.

Am I overreacting. I can't tell at the moment because lack of sleep and work pressure means I feel like crying/getting angry pretty easily.

But I mean...that's not a good reflection on his values is it?

AIBU: it's no big deal at all, just a difference in opinion
AINBU: your DH sounds like a sexist pig and its probably a terrible role model for your sons. LEAVE NOW.

It's the sort of comment you'd get from someone with an over inflated opinion of themselves. Has heckler come across as anything other than a dick?

Just the thought of DW’s rancid little boner. 🤢 Yuck; you’ve put me off my supper. Thanks, OP!

Yes, agreed. I don't think it's impossible to both think the mode of expression was crude and unprofessional, but also recognise the type being described.

I've seen plenty of "pub legend" types, men and women, who have that sort of weird, preening attitude where they think that they're sexually irresistible. When actually, because that's their only discernable feature.

But I would never describe someone I was interviewing like that.

The boner bit is just vile.

I can't get excited about it given the amount of comments of a similar nature on MN. They're aimed at men of course but just like DW's comment, they often have an air of truth about them.

DW is someone who gives me the proper creeps. It's a pretty unpleasant comment, it is a misogynistic but I think is more a reflection of DW massive ego. The whole boner part is pretty vomit inducing

The irony of the comment is DW is the doing exactly what he says in his comment and assuming someone wants to sleep with him.

There are men who think you want to shag them when you don't, I can imagine there are women like that too.

I agree. It’s not misogyny at all. Just because there’s no female equivalent of “boner” in common parlance (I always think “gets me wet” is so much cruder!) and therefore the same comment can’t be said exactly by a woman about a man, it doesn’t mean it’s misogynistic.

It's rank misogyny & I would be very disappointed in a man who couldn't see that.

If you want to separate, then separate but don't pretend it's over some faux 'feminist' crusade about a David Walliams' comment. Ffs. Your DCs deserve better than you pretending you're leaving because of an arse on tv and a contrary comment.
But I don't buy any of these threads - where someone pretends they're thinking of leaving a relationship over the current hot topic in the media. That's not how RL works.

Also I do think there's a difference between saying "that guy is such a creep, he makes me dryers than the Sahara desert" and what DW says

Firstly one is based off behaviour which can often be intimidating and inappropriate, women say that in response to often predatory behaviour. The other the only crime is she is boring. Dw says she was good enough to give him a boner but now not, he has thought about fucking her so it's not the last thing on his mind. It's a comment deliberately designed to make her look small and idiotic, and him a raging sex god with his boner being the deliberator of how good a woman is. And she was only a BGT contestant, not a woman excessively flirting in the pub. If I said a random contestant on BGT made my vagina shrivel tbh I would say that was pretty nasty

It’s a pretty horrible description, but I’m not sure it’s misogynistic. It’s a different way of
describing a man or woman I would say “loves themselves” or “fancies themselves”… ie with an inflated sense of sexual confidence which isn’t necessarily warranted.

It’s not nice, it’s hugely unprofessional but I can’t get myself worked up about it.

The MN equivalent to I had a bit of a boner, but now it’s going, it’s now shrivelled up inside my body, seems to be "My vagina dried up and dropped off".

I've lost count of how many times I've read that over the years and it still makes me laugh 😊😂

God. I thought it was vile. Obviously not the worst thing but to say it about a contestant you've never talked to, when you're in a position on power, and to make such presumptions. To me it was nasty, arrogant and yes sexist. Also the bit about his boner. Gross. I didn't think DH would be shocked but he didn't think it was bad at all. But plenty of you don't either. I am finding most things he says deeply annoying at the moment so that's probably it.

I think the comment was bad. I think Walliams is an arse. Neither of those things impact your relationship.

I’d be disappointed in someone not knowing the meaning of the word misogyny over what the OPs DH said.

Unfortunately both you and the OP fail to understand the word

I didn’t see it but I think it’s a gross thing to say on TV about someone you don’t know.

But I voted YABU as I’d say this about a man to my friends as there are men like this too.

Although I can see why you find it vile, I don’t think it’s relevant in your relationship.

If you are having issues then you either need to try and fix them or leave.
And tbh I think it sounds like this relationship is already over.

@DrWhitWho Not really, they just disagree with your opinion on what counts a misogyny

@DrWhitWho Well it’s very common for the people to be killed by their spouses, so yes, the wife or husband most people can understand why that might happen, kids though definitely not

No, it's very common for women to be killed by their spouses.

Walliams was supposed to be judging the contestant on their talents, not on how much he wanted to fuck her. But then he's a man who wanks in strip clubs and hosts misogynist events so I don't know why anyone is surprised.

OP your husband is a creep

I think it’s the boner bit that’s the worst. The first bit is just unnecessary and rude but the boner bit is like verbal flashing - trying to make the other person think about his penis whether they want to or not. Ugh. And not ok.

@PoundShopPrincess

A) it felt like a straw that broke the camels back moment

B) and yes of course DW isn't relevant. But if you think your partner doesn't see a problem with nasty shitty entitled behaviour then surely that impacts your view of them?

It is possible for a comment to be illustrative of a problem without simplifying it as "ah I left my husband because of some twat on telly"

David Walliams was in a professional role and was meant to be assessing the contestant on their talent not their fuckability.

It was form of job interview - would you be happy with your interviewer discussing you in this way. Would you be fine with you DH implying that it was ok if you were young?

Exactly.

Our relationship isn't in a good place. So obviously it's far bigger than this one conversation

It was just the way he said "and?" after I explained the DW comment and the context.

And I just thought "god you're a shit"

It’s also common for men to be killed by their wives

Less in number, but when a man dies the top suspect is always the wife first, just like when sexes are reversed.