My retired mum has run out of money at 63!!!!!!

[Lilu1660]

I don't know where to turn to and not managed to tell my SO yet but my mum has told me that she and my dad have no savings left and cant pay their rent or bills this month or for the foreseeable.

My dad is in his mid 70s and works when he can plus has his state pension but my mum retired 10 years ago when she was 50 (she's quite a bit younger than my dad) and is now saying that they have spent all their nest egg. They don't have any assets as they lost their house years ago as they were on an interest only mortgage. They got to keep the market increase in the houses value when they sold so I assumed with that money plus my mum's two private pensions that she had figured out she had enough to retire. My dad has never been good with money and has never saved for his retirement but his plan was to keep working.

My dad has had a recent health scare and has been unable to work for a few months which lead to my mum calling me yesterday saying they have no money, cant pay their rent and they are now getting bank charges and could I take on some of the financial burden. I am an only child so have no siblings to help but I have two kids of my own, a mortgage that is due to double in a few months because of the rising interest rates and my outgoings are spiralling out of control with rising living costs...we are barely scraping by as it is...and its only due to get worse.

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.
I don't understand what her long term plan is? I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood and we don't really talk or communicate very often so they have never been open with me about their finances or life plan.

My mum is my biggest worry. She is only 63! She could conceivably live until her 90s. I cant wrap my head around the fact that her retirement plan seems to have been constantly dipping in to dwindling savings whilst relying on a man in his mid 70s to pay the rent and bills. And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years? We don't have a good relationship so I cant see how she would ever have thought that would be her life plan.

I am now worried sick about how they are going to survive paying rent, spiralling bills etc but I don't feel its the right thing to do to help them. If I help this month what about next month? And next year? And the next 20 years?

If I were to help them in any way short / long term it would be a drop in the ocean compared to what they need to cover themselves every month (their rent alone is £2k a month) and would negatively impact my own financial safety and that of my children's. I feel utterly torn and lost and just cant believe their stupidity and not planning for / seeing this coming!

Is anyone else out there dealing with this?? Or does anyone have any advice at all xxxx

Maybe send one final text making clear that although you are sorry they are in this position, however you are not In a position to offer any support financially due to your own expenses and costs of living.
Then maybe link some suggestions to benefits and Citizens advice. Options for accessing help.
I would send the same message to both parents so it's clear to them both and your mother can't try to tell lies about you( I feel this is something she would do!)

You don't retire if you can't afford to, she's been very stupid.

They can get an over 55’s council property. They don’t have a long waiting list like normal council properties.
That will drop their rent massively and they’ll also likely qualify for some benefits.
Dont give them money.

I don't know what culture you are from but in the UK your responsibilities are to your children under 18 not your parents.

So if you dropped dead tomorrow your children under 18 would get everything, and your parents nothing.

Like PPs have said sign post your parents to the right help.

After that if your mum phones you up about her financial worries let her talk and inform her clearly of you struggling to afford to give your children something they need e.g. shoes, uniform, food, then change the subject and refuse to engage with them about money again.

What a cheek she has, they need to downsize as 2k a month on a rental is crazy if they are not working. She is not even at retirement age so needs to get a job. She chose to retire early and blow her savings, she needs to get out of it, 63 is not even old these days.

Sounds like you can’t help even if you wanted to

As your dad is in his 70s and has been poorly, I would get Age UK to come out to their house and go through their situation - what benefits they could claim and other advice. I have done this for three people and it was life changing.
There are many people in your parents' position, believe it or not.
Your Mum needs a job, but being a similar age and with a lot of skills and experience, I can tell you no-one wants me - I have had to go self-employed. Good luck.

don't you dare take on this responsibility! Please promise me you wont. You sound like A lovely and responsible person but this problem is not your doing. Put your child and your own family first.

If these were good parents who were broke through no fault of their own fine but that is not the situation here.

Your mother needs to get A job or claim what benefits she can. Her plan was to scrounge off you. Don't be manipulated . you deserve A happy life.

How irresponsible of your Parents
Do not give them any money, not a penny. It is not your role to sub their lifestyle
Your Mum will have to work, and they will have to move
I would make an appointment at CAB for them, but not get involved
CAB will help them apply for benefits and housing support, but your Mum would be expected to find a job, which Universal Credit will tell her
Step back from their sob stories, they have caused the issue, it's not yours to fix.

She has two options: work or benefits.

My parents retired at 78, although they were working part time from 70 onwards. They actually had assets that meant they could have retired if they wanted to.

Can she start an only fans?

The waiting lists are about 3 years depending on where you are in the country.

I know a few people who have managed to get those properties in London and the SE. Some have had to be put up in emergency accommodation until they got them, and were moved quicker than those who were downsizing and freeing up another social housing property.

She wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents.

I'm about your mother's age and remember being told as a child 'if wishes were horses, beggars would ride'. She was probably told something similar but maybe she needs reminding.

They are adults, their decisions, their problem! I am in a team of 6 and three of us are over 60 and still working full time, with one chap about to turn 68! I have full state pension entitlement, but can't claim till 67 and despite fulltime work since 17, forget private pensions, which didn't exist, companies that went bankrupt and investments worth bugger all! I support those who are unemployed and that's what your Mum is! She didn't retire early, she gave up work and now has to return and start putting money back in the pot!
She might want to do a benefit calculator benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/ but any pensions payments, however small, will impact on benefits and she will be asked to work. Attendance allowance might be an option for your Dad, but isn't he getting a state pension, alongside working, any private pensions? It is getting harder to get additional benefits and your Mum might be able to claim Carers, but this might reduce her UC, so she really needs to go and seek advice and from the CAB would be a good place to start initially. I don't think she is going to like what she hears though! If they can't afford their lifestyle they will have to cut their cloth accordingly and it is NOT for you to finance their choices, choices that really should have been made differently. Nothing for you to feel guilty about and your Mum needs to realise that life is going to be very different now for them, but nothing you need to get involved in.

Those that throw out the terms 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' do so as they really don't like to hear the truth and think that they'll trade on others feeling guilty. You are not your parent's keeper and especially not given the choices they've made. You focus on you and your immediate family, that's your priority. If you don't hear from them, well all to the good, if she contacts you again, give them the advice they need to hear and leave it at that.

I think the point is, she will apply and find she's not eligible. She might get the first type of JSA for 6m but they will make her go to job interviews.

This. She might feel too old to go back to work but she was clearly too young to retire! She took her retirement in the wrong order and now the chickens are coming home to roost.

Do NOT start bankrolling her – it will be much much harder to roll that back to nothing than it will be to stand firm now.

I'm sorry OP, but you're in a situation fairly similar to me.
My father and I have a strained relationship, now he is in need-care and financial, I'm expected to handle the burden.
I spent yesterday on the phone to social workers and the people who they had referred him to explaining why I'm not helping.
Kindly link her to the CAB, but no more.
It would be different if they'd been loving and supportive and you had a decent relationship with them.

I’ve only read OP’s posts but I’m sure I’m echoing others when I say:

• they need to move to a cheaper home in a cheaper area
• she needs to get a job
• he needs to check if he is entitled to Pension Credit

Please don’t get dragged in, or you will be supporting them for decades.

She is not your responsibility. Your children are.
Don't let her guilt-trip you.
Of course you don't want to see your parents in poverty but you didn't put them there. Tell her to find a job. Most people work until 67 these days and then PT for several years after that.

@Lilu1660 I am sorry you are having to deal with this. They sound awful, particularly your mum. She is manipulative and selfish.
You don't need to feel at all guilty about her poor financial choices. She decided to give up work at 50. They decided to rent an expensive house or live in a very expensive area. You have a primary responsibility to your children and partner if you have one. Don't give them any money. If you do, I guarantee they will ask for more and will not be grateful for any of it.
Your mum needs to get a job like many people of her age who are fit and able. They need to downsize or move somewhere where they can rent more cheaply or consider other affordable options. You need to concentrate on your family.

It sounds like they needed someone to guide them through adulting.

This 🤷🏼‍♀️ they made stupid decisions, were lazy and now it’s come back to get them. Don’t give them any money or let them guilt trip you into parting with your hard earned cash.

Benefits isn't an option though, is it. You don't get to "choose" to go on benefits.

It's work or live without money.

Re the “she has two private pensions”

So what? Unless they’re MASSIVE they will be a drop in the ocean as she won’t have been contributing to them for years. They’re just effectively little pots of cash with a tax break added in.

OP your mum is abusive here to put this on you.

😂