My retired mum has run out of money at 63!!!!!!

[Lilu1660]

I don't know where to turn to and not managed to tell my SO yet but my mum has told me that she and my dad have no savings left and cant pay their rent or bills this month or for the foreseeable.

My dad is in his mid 70s and works when he can plus has his state pension but my mum retired 10 years ago when she was 50 (she's quite a bit younger than my dad) and is now saying that they have spent all their nest egg. They don't have any assets as they lost their house years ago as they were on an interest only mortgage. They got to keep the market increase in the houses value when they sold so I assumed with that money plus my mum's two private pensions that she had figured out she had enough to retire. My dad has never been good with money and has never saved for his retirement but his plan was to keep working.

My dad has had a recent health scare and has been unable to work for a few months which lead to my mum calling me yesterday saying they have no money, cant pay their rent and they are now getting bank charges and could I take on some of the financial burden. I am an only child so have no siblings to help but I have two kids of my own, a mortgage that is due to double in a few months because of the rising interest rates and my outgoings are spiralling out of control with rising living costs...we are barely scraping by as it is...and its only due to get worse.

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.
I don't understand what her long term plan is? I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood and we don't really talk or communicate very often so they have never been open with me about their finances or life plan.

My mum is my biggest worry. She is only 63! She could conceivably live until her 90s. I cant wrap my head around the fact that her retirement plan seems to have been constantly dipping in to dwindling savings whilst relying on a man in his mid 70s to pay the rent and bills. And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years? We don't have a good relationship so I cant see how she would ever have thought that would be her life plan.

I am now worried sick about how they are going to survive paying rent, spiralling bills etc but I don't feel its the right thing to do to help them. If I help this month what about next month? And next year? And the next 20 years?

If I were to help them in any way short / long term it would be a drop in the ocean compared to what they need to cover themselves every month (their rent alone is £2k a month) and would negatively impact my own financial safety and that of my children's. I feel utterly torn and lost and just cant believe their stupidity and not planning for / seeing this coming!

Is anyone else out there dealing with this?? Or does anyone have any advice at all xxxx

Basic state pension for anyone already retired is £141.85.
You can get more if you defer taking it. I know people who have done this. The only other reason you can get more is if you made additional payments towards your state pension. This was possible for a fairly small period of time.

These are the only reasons you can get more state pension than £141.85 if already retired. Younger people will get a higher rate.

Women who are retired rarely had enough NI payments for a full pension. You used to need 40 years and being off looking after young children did not use to count.

And I will not get a full state pension as I paid into an occupational pension scheme for some years and will get a small private pension. But will get less state pension. I wish I had not bothered. I started work full time at 16 years old.

Please provide links to show the average retired man gets more than £141 a week state pension. Because I do not think that is true. I have told you the only two circumstances in which anyone retired hets more than that.

Please remember also that anyone in receipt of a private pension will, when their state pension starts, be liable for more tax on the private pension (if the combined amounts take them over the tax threshold).

Wow, she's being so unfair!

To 'help' I would go over and write down all their outgoings and incoming and help them sort a budget. I'd strongly suggest they downsize, £2k a month in rent is ridiculous! From the budget, you could work out what is affordable and help them look for houses. When your mum is 66 she can get a state pension too so I'd suggest she goes back to work until then and perhaps retires again amid she can afford to do so at this point. You are not responsible for them financially but I do think you can help them budget and plan.

I was in a similar situation with my mum when she split with her husband and had to buy him out of the house. We worked out even with state pension, renting wasn't affordable on her own so we ended up buying her house for her while she left a small amount of her only equity in it and she can live there rent free until she passes away basically. But we could afford to do that and mum was and is still working so she was willing to help herself. I wouldn't have done that if she was wanting to take advantage and freeload.

If their pension is their only income, they will get Pension Credit to take it up to £182.60 (single) or £278.70 (joint).

They won't get pension credit as they are a mixed age couple so not eligible until they both turn state pension age which is some years away.

Sorry I just realised you are talking generally not specifically in relation to op's parents. Apologies.

@ThunderstomsAreComing thank you for the link. First time I have looked at my pension. It was a bit strange seeing all the years going back to 1982. Thankfully no shocks for me as long as I keep doing what I am doing.

Repeat after me: that is a them problem, not a you problem. You are not responsible for your parents poor decisions. Just because they birthed you doesn't make you beholden to them. You had ZERO choice in the matter and owe them nothing.

And like you said, what about next month? The month after? The month after that? Putting a plaster on a broken arm doesn't help the break.

Can anyone get a Government Gateway account?

Sort of, my DM is a lot older than yours and a mild progressive dementia Patient. Her care fees have eaten into the sale proceeds of the family home, which top up pension payments for the care costs. I haven’t told her as she somehow thinks I’m set to inherit what she and dad worked all their lives for. It also doesn’t help she has siblings who financially are doing better in their retirement.

so I get this.

in your case, as your parents are still relatively young, I would organise an appointment with a budgeting advice service. They will go through what their entitlements are, and what can be done to find a better financial path forward for them.

it also takes the burden off you who no doubt has enough worries of your own.

and I get the guilt tripping too from mum. I’m a bad daughter because I don’t see her as much as she would like and she was a better daughter to her mother than I am to her etc etc. it hurts, but try and tune out. If she says it face to face, just get up and leave for the moment, you don’t deserve at all to be abused, which is what it is.

good luck, thinking of you.

Dear Mum

This is a YO-YO moment. As in

You’re on your own.

Bye.

Yes, as long as you have a National Insurance number you can register online.

They are very useful to looking at your tax records, and claiming tax back can be done easily online.

This site will enable anyone, if whatever age/circs, to check what benefits they may be entitled to:

benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/

I would suggest that given that their rent is 2k per month that she approaches CAB or age concern to do a benefits check & also her local council re chance of rehousing eg a bungalow or suitable flat for older people.

God how selfish and stupid.

Do not give her a penny. She decided to retire at 50 without any planning or thinking and now is happy to burden you with the cost of her early retirement?

She needs to get a job and hopefully learn something from this, but do not give in.

1st: Do not worry yourself sick. Easier said than done but you cannot let this eat at you, your own family needs you. And you're young, with a full life ahead. 2nd: Would you have an hour or two to get online to see what programs might be available to assist your parents? If your Mom's giving you the silent treatment (which isn't the end of the world either!), you can compose some sort of message with the info on these programs & send to her. Then Dear Ol' Mom can get off her retired backside and helping their situation. 3rd: In answer to your question, I am in the same boat as you, with a twist. I am disabled since 40. After my son wiped out my savings account & stole from my safety deposit box, he told me I need to figure out how to support myself & no longer wants me in his life. So I speak from experience! When push comes to shove, we all do what we must - that includes your mother. Do NOT provide any more money. What most don't understand is by giving money, you're setting a legal precedence that could very well hold up in court. It IS hard but don't allow her to manipulate you. Is there a way you can speak with your Dad privately? Someone needs to understand that you are not The Bank. I hope even a tiny bit of this was helpful. Stay strong, she will figure it out...bc she HAS to.

Did @Lilu1660 ever come back to the thread?

If you filter, it shows OPs posts.

Not been back yet?

Martin Lewis has just covered the whole "missing years" and making up pension on his podcast.

The rules are about to change again and the window for making up the years is about to close. (From the discussion I've seen - not managed to listen to it yet)

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0dkynpt?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

Your mother seems incredibly selfish, and her financial burden is not yours, they need to downsize and she needs to get off her backside and find a job

Just here to say that I think your approach is the absolute right one. Don’t put your own, and your children’s financial security at risk for the sake of your parents.

I don’t believe they would ever be made street homeless. I am sure the local authority would house them, especially given your fathers age. The Most I would do in your shoes would be to help with things like making sure they have enough food etc. are they seeking financial advice/debt advice?

Id let your mum ignore you.

@Lilu1660

This is something that I fear will have got worse over this winter with energy costs and food bills. To have no rainy day money at this age is foolish.