My retired mum has run out of money at 63!!!!!!

[Lilu1660]

I don't know where to turn to and not managed to tell my SO yet but my mum has told me that she and my dad have no savings left and cant pay their rent or bills this month or for the foreseeable.

My dad is in his mid 70s and works when he can plus has his state pension but my mum retired 10 years ago when she was 50 (she's quite a bit younger than my dad) and is now saying that they have spent all their nest egg. They don't have any assets as they lost their house years ago as they were on an interest only mortgage. They got to keep the market increase in the houses value when they sold so I assumed with that money plus my mum's two private pensions that she had figured out she had enough to retire. My dad has never been good with money and has never saved for his retirement but his plan was to keep working.

My dad has had a recent health scare and has been unable to work for a few months which lead to my mum calling me yesterday saying they have no money, cant pay their rent and they are now getting bank charges and could I take on some of the financial burden. I am an only child so have no siblings to help but I have two kids of my own, a mortgage that is due to double in a few months because of the rising interest rates and my outgoings are spiralling out of control with rising living costs...we are barely scraping by as it is...and its only due to get worse.

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.
I don't understand what her long term plan is? I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood and we don't really talk or communicate very often so they have never been open with me about their finances or life plan.

My mum is my biggest worry. She is only 63! She could conceivably live until her 90s. I cant wrap my head around the fact that her retirement plan seems to have been constantly dipping in to dwindling savings whilst relying on a man in his mid 70s to pay the rent and bills. And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years? We don't have a good relationship so I cant see how she would ever have thought that would be her life plan.

I am now worried sick about how they are going to survive paying rent, spiralling bills etc but I don't feel its the right thing to do to help them. If I help this month what about next month? And next year? And the next 20 years?

If I were to help them in any way short / long term it would be a drop in the ocean compared to what they need to cover themselves every month (their rent alone is £2k a month) and would negatively impact my own financial safety and that of my children's. I feel utterly torn and lost and just cant believe their stupidity and not planning for / seeing this coming!

Is anyone else out there dealing with this?? Or does anyone have any advice at all xxxx

I’m in my late 40’s. I tell people that I will be ‘re-evaluating’ my life choices in about4 years when my DH retires. That means he gets his full pension of 60% of his salary. In theory we could easily live off of that, but we won’t. We’ll both transition into retirement jobs. For him that might mean nursing and for me it’s likely to step back into my last individual contributor role (with some refresher training). And both will be full time. But both will be less stress both physically and mentally.

Basically we’ll both be too young to retire but too old (or in my case fed up) to continue with our current roles.

Our goal is to then ease into retirement (and diminished income) over the next 10 years. But whatever we do, we’ll set up ourselves to be able to live off his pension. Until my retirement funds are able to be accessed.

We are not the norm in this and like your friend will have run through all the ‘what if’ and budget scenarios before making any big moves.

Yes, clearly nothing more than a goady post, not seeking any type of real advice.

Eh.. maybe it’s just because I’m terrified of retirement and loss of control over my income, but I think these discussions still serve a purpose (even if it’s a lesson of what not to do!).

There has been a lot of good information shared that some will benefit from even if it’s not the OP. It was a thread similar to this that actually started me down the path of taking control and learning about personal finance. You never know who also decided to do the same.

The absolute cheek. Retiring at 50 was a bit stupid. Her mess not yours.

If your dad is only on a small state pension he could be entitled to a pension credit top up, unfortunately your mum needs to get a grip, get off her high horse and get a job! Even if she were to claim benefits at her age, they’ll expect her to seek employment.
They need to downsize, £2k a month rent, where are they living?! Genuinely curious, I know the rental market is insane currently but not that bad!!
Sit down with them and go through a benefit calculator on the entitled to website. If they won’t play ball and allow you to help in the most practical way you can without placing your own family in financial strain, point them in the direction of the nearest citizens advice.
Goodluck

I wouldn't be so sure about their benefit entitlement, tbh.

Because OP's mother is under pension age, they will be treated as a couple of working age (thanks to a relatively recent rule change, couples can no longer get pension credit when one of them is under state pension age) and will only be able to claim UC. Working age benefits are less generous than older people's benefits.

With a state pension and 2 x private pensions, their income is almost certain to be above the the standard allowance of £525-ish a month. Fifty-five pern cent of any income above that amount will be deducted from the amount of help with rent that they could be eligible for, which will be restricted to the local housing allowance rate for a one-bedroom flat, which is likely to be a few hundred at most.

The only exception to this would be if the OP's father is so unwell that he qualifies for attendance allowance, but I think that's unlikely if he is still able to work some of the time.

They need to move to a one-bed flat and reduce their outgoings and your mum needs to get back to work. I'm 67 and still working!

Do not find them, be firm.

They are living beyond their means . Moving to a cheaper rented property that they can afford has to be the way to go . If they really are that poor they will get benefits . Keep your cash in the bank , they will just fritter it away like they did with their own money .

Can't believe your parents have put themselves in such a situation. My parents are of similar age but both still work even though my stepdad (72) has had recent ill health and has a decent private pension. They know realistically that to live comfortably you need to keep some income coming in especially as for my own mum (64), her parents are now 'aging' and need their support. 63 is not 'aging' and most 63 year olds are in good enough health to support themselves somehow and if not they claim UC.

This is really quite simple, you tekk your mum, you cannot afford to help her because you are also struggling, and even though she'd like to move in with you in a the future you cannot afford to keep another person (the latter is a dependented on if she asks to move in with you)

End the conversation there.
It's not a good way for me them to be in but if you can't afford to live yourself how are you supposed toast help them.

Gosh. This is just awful. I’m in my late 40s and under no illusion that I’ll need to work at least til state pension age or even longer. My work pension won’t be enough as I’ve had time away from that job and now work part time. But it’s something to add to the pot when I do retire. I’m already planning to go back to uni and retrain so in my 50s il be looking at hopefully a whole new career.

People I know who have retired in their 50s or plan to have done so for a reason. Either a very good job now that allows them financially to do so, partner who also on similar position. Some I know have retired from the forces or other services such as police and fire and do have their pension but have also then gone into a new job rather than retire that early. Others I know have done it as they have to become full time carers to elderly parents or disabled children - or both. So will get their smallish work pension and then benefits as well such as carers allowance and other top ups. My late father retired really early due to I’ll health so got incapacity benefit til he got state pension plus he had a decent work pension. He rarely spent money though and had left a nice sum in his will meaning me and my siblings will have some help to invest/save.

Your mum does need to get a job but I worry about who would employ someone her age. There are probably roles out there for her but possibly roles she might not want. A colleague at work retired recently and she was past state pension age as she couldn’t afford to retire earlier. I guess it depends on what type of work you’ve done and what the pensions are like. They also need to downsize for that rent. I guess that also depends where you live though and how easy it is to do that.

Definitely get them to talk to the CAB. They can do a benefits check and look into other debt charities such as stepchange and Christian’s against poverty (matin Lewis also suggest these) and they can do a budget. When me ex left me as a single parent I did call one of them just for some advice as I was worried about being left financially ruined. They were really lovely.

I don't think it's about age, it's all about attitude. We had a new starter at our workplace, she was only 43,and we were all relieved she resigned after couple of months. She was moaning every single minute, complaining, late to work, etc. I'm pretty sure OP mum would be the same if will be "forced" to work....

You need to speak plainly to her. Mum we barely earn enough to cover our own outgoings which are rising by the day. Its not a case of not wanting to help you, it is physically impossible for me to help you financially.

You need to find work as soon as possible because I cannot support you even for a month, I'm in the same situation as you are, the money just isn't there.

And repeat as many times as it takes for it to sink in. This is not your responsibility. Do not lend anything and for God's sake do not allow her to 'stay with you for a few days' if she loses her rented home because you will never get her to move back out.

Their mistake, their problem

Not your problem. Sad to say but it is true. They need to tighten their belts like the rest of us. My Dad is still working at 74 as he likes the lifestyle of holidays and nice things. He wouldn't expect me to pay for his frivolities and he has planned his incomings and outgoings to accommodate this. Something has to give and it shouldn't be you. YANBU.

As I said earlier I was working full-time till I was 70 and working part-time now. I started work at 15 with no certificates, like many others in the 60’s is wasn’t unusual.

As explained by Lakielady they are unlikely to get Universal credit as they have state and private pensions.

In that case they are shouldn’t be skint should they ? Just living a lifestyle they can’t afford .

In fairness, it may be very little money. Loads of people get a small private pension of under £5k. And state pension for an already retired person is a maximum of £145 a week. So with rent that would not go far.

This has been suggested already but definitely recommend Citizens Advice Bureau, although your parents will have to be ready to discuss the situation openly. That might not be where their heads are at. My parents lost everything in their 60s (and I’m an only child) and it was extremely difficult, emotionally and practically. CAB were brilliant, as were the services they put my parents in touch with, and they found their way to a happy, stable place. But it took a lot of appointments/forms/conversations which took courage for them. We had a newborn at the time it all went wrong (they literally had the phone call to say they were homeless as they met my daughter at a few hours old) so our capacity to help was really limited (they stayed with us briefly but it was an impossible combination of 1st baby being days old and them being distressed, so they stayed with other family) but i certainly made phone calls/searched internet/helped with forms throughout. The pressure was intense, but they do ultimately have to resolve this themselves however that happens.

Not sure who reported my last response or why it was deleted but I was not talking to you saltines, I was referring to the OP

Many older people get state pensions of a lot more than £145 a week. I regularly see pensioners with SERPS added getting well over £200 a week.

@Babyroobs There was a period of time when you could pay much more NI and get more state pension if you worked full time. I don't think ot lasted long.
Most people who opted out of SERPS for private pensions, not workplace pensions lost a lot of money. It was a financial scandal at the time.

The average state pension is below £145 a week in terms of what people actually recieve.

Maybe that is the average because there are more women who live longer and they generally do have lower state pensions but the vast majority of older men get significantly more than this in my experience and I do a lot of benefit checks for older people so they do need to disclose their state pension amounts.