My retired mum has run out of money at 63!!!!!!

[Lilu1660]

I don't know where to turn to and not managed to tell my SO yet but my mum has told me that she and my dad have no savings left and cant pay their rent or bills this month or for the foreseeable.

My dad is in his mid 70s and works when he can plus has his state pension but my mum retired 10 years ago when she was 50 (she's quite a bit younger than my dad) and is now saying that they have spent all their nest egg. They don't have any assets as they lost their house years ago as they were on an interest only mortgage. They got to keep the market increase in the houses value when they sold so I assumed with that money plus my mum's two private pensions that she had figured out she had enough to retire. My dad has never been good with money and has never saved for his retirement but his plan was to keep working.

My dad has had a recent health scare and has been unable to work for a few months which lead to my mum calling me yesterday saying they have no money, cant pay their rent and they are now getting bank charges and could I take on some of the financial burden. I am an only child so have no siblings to help but I have two kids of my own, a mortgage that is due to double in a few months because of the rising interest rates and my outgoings are spiralling out of control with rising living costs...we are barely scraping by as it is...and its only due to get worse.

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.
I don't understand what her long term plan is? I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood and we don't really talk or communicate very often so they have never been open with me about their finances or life plan.

My mum is my biggest worry. She is only 63! She could conceivably live until her 90s. I cant wrap my head around the fact that her retirement plan seems to have been constantly dipping in to dwindling savings whilst relying on a man in his mid 70s to pay the rent and bills. And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years? We don't have a good relationship so I cant see how she would ever have thought that would be her life plan.

I am now worried sick about how they are going to survive paying rent, spiralling bills etc but I don't feel its the right thing to do to help them. If I help this month what about next month? And next year? And the next 20 years?

If I were to help them in any way short / long term it would be a drop in the ocean compared to what they need to cover themselves every month (their rent alone is £2k a month) and would negatively impact my own financial safety and that of my children's. I feel utterly torn and lost and just cant believe their stupidity and not planning for / seeing this coming!

Is anyone else out there dealing with this?? Or does anyone have any advice at all xxxx

She retired at 50? 😯 My DM was still working (part-time) until 70.

Their rent is 2k??!!! Do they live in a mansion?!

This is such a difficult situation but I think you're right to say no. My mum is 60 and has bemoaned working since her mid 50s but unfortunately will have to. I don't earn a huge amount but try to help where I can as she and her husband are on minimum wage. You can't take on her bills if you are barely managing your own!

Why on earth would someone that is not working and has no source of income feel they are entitled to live in a £2000 a month rented property?

I can’t get over how much earlier your mum retired than your dad. It’s really selfish especially as he is older. It would seem more logical for her to have kept working so they can both retire at the same time.

DH and I aim to retire early but have plans to enable this. To retire at 50 without detailed plans is short sighted and crazy.

Like others I would urge you not to get involved. If she complains she is elderly I would point out that she is under state retirement age and she was happy with your DF working at an older age.

There needs to be a huge shift in their acceptance of their reality and possibly they need to reach breaking point before that can happen.

Do not give them money. She’s 63, that’s young nowadays! She needs to go back to work, and they need to move to a cheaper rental flat.

This situation is going to become a lot more common: the end of needing to take an annuity with your pension pot, lots of people renting instead of having paid off mortgages, and lots of workers who missed out on DB pension schemes when Thatcher abolished the obligation of employers to provide a scheme. There will be a lot of people like your parents who are totally fucked.

BUT. In many cases it’s their own fault - as it definitely sounds like in your parents case. Ordinarily I’d say help them, they’re you’re parents (a little bit of help like a good shop, NOT living with you or you paying all their rent!), but your Mum sounds abusive and toxic, you have your own bills to pay and family to feed.

Your parents finally need to take responsibility: go on the Council waiting list for a council flat, go to Citizens Advice for help, go back to work, go on the DWP website and get a state pension forecast, and move to a cheaper property/cheaper area.

Apart from buying them the odd bag of food shopping there is really nothing much else you can or should do.

*food shop

I agree with others to be honest. Why on earth your mum retired at 50 I couldn't say! She definitely needs to find some sort of job if she can. If there are only two of them stg2000 is pretty high for rent. We live in what is considered a really nice area and there are some pretty decent flats in the area to rent for around half that,
It absolutely isn't your problem to be honest.
People need to plan for the future and not assume that things will run smoothly because often, as they have found out, it doesnt.

@ThunderstomsAreComing Thanks for that info - I did not know about having to keep paying (NI?) to get the state pension at 67 if you stop working earlier. What a whizz.

At £2k a month I'm not surprised the money is gone. We live in quite an expensive area but a house in my road which is a very nice 3 bed with garden is much less than that.

And I wouldn't consider her retired - she's been having a lovely break from work for 13 years but now it's time to go back to it.

Sorry your mum is acting like this, OP.

Hopefully the unanimous voice of mn has reassured you that there are solutions to their stupidityandhercheekyfuckery problem, but that they're not yours to solve.

'At 63 she will need to get a job, unfortunately it’s not so easy to get a job at 63 as a lot of employers just see your age on the CV and ignore'.

She should not put her age or date of birth on her CV. My advice esp for any older person applying for jobs would be to focus on skills relevant to the job rather than dates. Although her lack of recent work experience may mean she will initially have to settle for any job she can get.

I have very little sympathy with Ops 'D'M, she needs to get a job and sort herself out. Like many other posters I am only a couple of years younger than her and am still working full time, expect to continue working for another 10 years or so health permitting. This is the norm in my experience based on what my contemporaries (friends & family of similar age) are doing. The Op needs to focus on herself & her children, resist any pressure to assume responsibility for her parents' financial affairs and not feel a moment's guilt about it.

Omg well I'm sure it's been said, but don't let her make.it your problem..

She needs to work,where I work there are many older adults gainfully employed, one is 75?

It's scary.

Please try and unload the guilt. Your parents won't be on the streets, they simply can't sustain their preferred lifestyle due to their own decisions.

2k is either an extravagant property or an expensive area or both. Those things aren't necessities. They need to downsize/ move to a cheaper area and get on the council list. Your mother has had 13 good years of retirement. She needs to look for work, you were right, or find out what benefits she can claim. 63 is no age, especially after such a long rest. She is capable of work.

Please don't make any of these things your responsibility. Signpost to CAB, Shelter, I'm sure others have mentioned more organisations that can advise. If she won't speak to you then leave her to it.

In my team at work there are 3 people older than your mum, and she's been retired for 13 years! Retiring at 50 is ridiculous unless you have millions in the bank.

She needs to get a job. To retire at 50 requires a significant amount of savings/pension which she either didn't have or has spent recklessly. Not your responsibility OP.

I know a man who retired from British Telecom at 47 in the mid 1980s. He got a good pension though and did some other part time jobs after that. Bearing in mind houses were much cheaper when he brough his in the 1970s. His wife worked too.

Many people retired in the 1980s and 1990s in their 50s.

But back then, in the 1980s particularly, people expected to die by their mid 70s. But now those baby boomers are living much longer and they probably didn’t financially plan to live that long.

Also, until the Tories came back into power in 2010, many people until then were left to live on benefits with no encouragement to go to work.

People in the police or forces still seem to

Thanks to a PP who shared the info about state pensions if you retire early. I assumed you just got a lower amount but I see now that it's fixed and you just need to pay in for the missed contributions (I've done that in the past for a year I took out of work to study)

she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents

I bet she does, the lazy git.

YANBU and anyone who knew their situation would feel the same as you. Don't be bullied.

Are you sure that's right?

What if you're unemployed for a few years leading up to pension age, then work the last year and pay NI only for that last year. They dont make you pay the NI for the few unemployed years.
They dont make you go back and pay NI for any missed years in order to qualify. You just need the 35 years.

I'm googling and cant find anything to back up what you've said. Can you link to sometbing please?

You dont need to fill in the gaps if you have 35 years.

I agree if she could get a job then that would be great - however if they could cut their rent in half (or more) then they would not be in such dire straits. I'm in a SE commuter town and a two bed flat is £800-900, and they wouldn't even need a two bed. And if they are overspending on rent, what else are they overspending on? My own parents are of similar age to your mum and paid off the mortgage of their very modest house years ago, and my dad only ever worked a fairly low paid job so I have little understanding of quite how your parents ended up in such a precarious position. And they expect a mother with young children to subsidise their lifestyle? Crazy.

@ThunderstomsAreComing

Been googling more.

Were you born before 1953? The rules are a but different if born before that.

If born after, you do not need to pay every year until retirement age. You just need your 35 years to get it.

That's a completely reasonable thing to want to do but I am sure he's planning for that. Everyone knows that if your goal is early retirement it takes really careful planning to manage the double whammy of supporting yourself for an extra decade or so and losing that decade of paying into your pension for old age.

I have Lyell you but she won't get UC as her husband's pension takes her over the income threshold. She needs to get a job or downsize.