My retired mum has run out of money at 63!!!!!!

[Lilu1660]

I don't know where to turn to and not managed to tell my SO yet but my mum has told me that she and my dad have no savings left and cant pay their rent or bills this month or for the foreseeable.

My dad is in his mid 70s and works when he can plus has his state pension but my mum retired 10 years ago when she was 50 (she's quite a bit younger than my dad) and is now saying that they have spent all their nest egg. They don't have any assets as they lost their house years ago as they were on an interest only mortgage. They got to keep the market increase in the houses value when they sold so I assumed with that money plus my mum's two private pensions that she had figured out she had enough to retire. My dad has never been good with money and has never saved for his retirement but his plan was to keep working.

My dad has had a recent health scare and has been unable to work for a few months which lead to my mum calling me yesterday saying they have no money, cant pay their rent and they are now getting bank charges and could I take on some of the financial burden. I am an only child so have no siblings to help but I have two kids of my own, a mortgage that is due to double in a few months because of the rising interest rates and my outgoings are spiralling out of control with rising living costs...we are barely scraping by as it is...and its only due to get worse.

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.
I don't understand what her long term plan is? I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood and we don't really talk or communicate very often so they have never been open with me about their finances or life plan.

My mum is my biggest worry. She is only 63! She could conceivably live until her 90s. I cant wrap my head around the fact that her retirement plan seems to have been constantly dipping in to dwindling savings whilst relying on a man in his mid 70s to pay the rent and bills. And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years? We don't have a good relationship so I cant see how she would ever have thought that would be her life plan.

I am now worried sick about how they are going to survive paying rent, spiralling bills etc but I don't feel its the right thing to do to help them. If I help this month what about next month? And next year? And the next 20 years?

If I were to help them in any way short / long term it would be a drop in the ocean compared to what they need to cover themselves every month (their rent alone is £2k a month) and would negatively impact my own financial safety and that of my children's. I feel utterly torn and lost and just cant believe their stupidity and not planning for / seeing this coming!

Is anyone else out there dealing with this?? Or does anyone have any advice at all xxxx

I think you need to be clear that you do not have the means to support them.They need to take responsibility for their situation before looking to you to bail them out
Tell her to go to Citizens Advice , they will look at her income & expenditure , advise on budgeting and do a benefit check
£2k rent per month seems excessive so maybe they need to move to a more affordable home and start thinking about how they can make savings /generate more income .
If your mum isn’t prepared to work then she can’t expect you or your SO to do so in order to give her a lifestyle she can’t afford

This.

Be clear from the outset.

Adding my opinion to everyone else's: your mum's expectations are completely unreasonable. Even if you wanted to help, you would need a huge income to support your parents at the rate at which they have been spending. Your mum needs help to check she has any benefits she's entitled to www.entitledto.co.uk/ She also needs help budgeting. Debtline has a good budget calculator: www.nationaldebtline.org/

I really feel for you as it will be hard for your parents to change their attitude to money. Giving them money will not help them in the long term.

Take advice from up thread. Make sure you are not a guarantor. I have been thinking of this today and I am really cross on your behalf.

I'm from "one of those communities where children look after the elderly". It works both ways. I lived at my in laws rent free so they could help us save for a property. They've even topped up deposits to help their kids get on the property ladder. They do free childcare too. Everyone mucks in from the start, it's not all one way. I think you should explain that to your mum. Best of luck OP, sounds tough.

Echoing everyone else. If it was a one-off, to help them through a difficult month, then maybe but this will be ongoing and if you start helping now, they will expect it. Anyway, like you say, you simply haven't got it and it's not your fault they have made this life choice. Your Mum needs to get a job - I can't believe she retired at 50 expecting your older Dad to carry on. I'm 51, my DP 58 and like thousands of others, both work full-time and short of winning the lottery, will continue to until retirement age - it's called life! Do NOT feel guilty either. Take care

She is 6 years older than me. She needs to get a bloody job and work full time. Not your responsibility.

Sorry OP

Im mid 40s and expect to work at least another 20-25 years so im struggling to understand your Mums decisions but i feel for you as you cannot be expected to support them

I guess they'll live off benefits

I agree with others saying your mother is being unreasonable not you. Please don’t help them with money as that will lead to you being destitute whilst your mother in good health sits on her backside

Seconding what other posters have said. Please do not give money and do not let them move in with you. That will bring you down with them. As you say, she could have another 30 years or more; time spent learning how to support herself through work, benefits or whatever will be well spent.
I'm so sorry she's trying to put this on you. I wish you well in holding your (perfectly reasonable) boundaries.

I would send her a message explaining that you don't have the funds to support another family. She needs to look for work and make sure she is claiming everything she can. I would maybe offer to help her do a benefits check and help her with applying for jobs. It was ridiculous of her to retire at 50 if she did not have the means to do so.

I don't know if your mother would find this persuasive, OP, but according to the FT and ONS, there's a trend for people to unretire because retirement isn't feasible for so many.

But the state pension, £9,627 a year at present, is getting eaten up by higher costs of goods and services as inflation mounts…

Some employers have spotted an opportunity amid a skills and labour shortage in the UK, amplified by restrictions on overseas workers. By targeting older people they can bring on workers for shorter shifts or odd days that are not popular among younger workers, who often opt for the most lucrative hours…

Fuller’s, the pub and hotel chain, has recently launched its first recruitment campaign targeted at older workers.

“We can offer ultimate flexibility: if a person is an early bird or night owl, or only wants to work on a Friday or not on a Tuesday when they look after grandchildren, we can cater to that,” says Dawn Browne, people and talent director at Fuller’s. In turn, the company hopes to secure staff for shorter, less popular shifts that do not pay as well as a full day. While offering similar perks for all employees, Browne says they appeal even more to an older demographic, with staff discounts, help with healthcare costs and a 24/7 GP service. “This is especially valuable.”

www.ft.com/content/8042b200-2cdb-4b0e-a43e-4cb931a55a8a

Your mum is -sorry- very selfish. She needs to get a job. Do not pay for her.

Visiting CAB for benefit advice, getting referral for food banks as well as applying for a job.
she chose to lose 13 years of earnings, so will now need to work later in her life instead.

No - they changed the bloody rules - caught me out, I had 38yrs but didn't qualify for full pension because I took early retirement before 66 ! I had to "voluntarily" pay my missing years in order to get it. The rule is that you have to keep paying in up until your retirement age, no matter how many years you've done.

I had to pay out about £4k IIRC. I worked out that if I lived for 3.5yrs after I began to get my pension it would pay for itself. I win if I get to 70 🤷🏼‍♀️

On the plus side the Dept for W&P people were really really helpful in helping me sort it out and a very nice woman made sure I didn't overpay by £800.

I'd been really careful at checking pension forecasts for years - but this caught me out when I did a "final" check the year before I turned 66 as NOW everything is online - previously you wrote in and they sent you a letter back.

definitely worth checking. www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

My DH wants to retire at 55. His argument is he wants to enjoy his retirement as he has unfortunately known so many people lately who have died in their early 60's. He enjoys cycling and pottering and spends very little money on day to day living. He doesn't spend any money EVER. I have told him I will keep on working because I enjoy enjoying life and the things I enjoy do cost money. He doesn't understand anybody who works past 60 as time is more important than money.

she must have known this was coming for a while as well.
where is she living that the rent is that high!

Ive no more to add because there’s lots of good advice already, but this is bananas

2k rent is ridiculous! They will have to move to somewhere cheaper. I would love to retire that young but it's not possible for most people, your mum needs to start looking at jobs!

If I was you, I'd be pretty happy she hasn't replied to you. She sounds manipulative, selfish and lazy.

£2K in rent, what a joke. they need to move, and she needs to work. I would not be helping them out in any way, shape or form.

Best advice on here is to direct your parents to Citizens Advice, that way you are detaching yourself from this.
Don’t get involved, don’t offer advice, except something like ‘ this is quite specialised, you need expert help’.
They need to hear the stark reality and any solutions from the objective expert!

Your Mum sounds like she had a tantrum at you when she realised she'd run out of money. Your parents will be fine, they will work out how to find cheaper alternative accommodation and where and how to access money to live on. I know it might feel like it out of love and duty, but none of this is your problem, least of all when you say your childhood wasn't great. Best wishes op!

All the posters who say along the lines of “make sure she gets all the benefits she’s entitled to “ makes me mad!
Why should she get any benefits at all if she’s fit, healthy and able to work?
If people who are able to work did so it would leave more in the pot for those genuinely unable to work or for those working but needing propping up a bit - it’s not a bottomless pit of money!!

I mean this is everyone’s worst nightmare but that’s why most people have a plan, and not ‘oh let me just cash in that insurance policy that is the OP’. Especially if you are privately renting.

My Mum (76) has a carer coming in every morning to make her breakfast/help re-enable her independence following a spell in hospital. He’s 78 & he un-retired after getting bored in retirement (it’s a job, he’s not a volunteer).

If she’s fit & healthy, then she needs to join the rest of us poor mortals at work. Or even all of us with disabilities that can work. As much as I’d love to waft away the days & have my now adult kids & DH support me my bank balance doesn’t give me that luxury!

They aren't your problem!
Your children/home/bills, etc., are your problem and you need to concentrate on them, not your parents and most definitely not on your mother, who could help herself/your dad quite well on her own.
Stop trying to text/phone her, just move on and get on with your own life.