My retired mum has run out of money at 63!!!!!!

[Lilu1660]

I don't know where to turn to and not managed to tell my SO yet but my mum has told me that she and my dad have no savings left and cant pay their rent or bills this month or for the foreseeable.

My dad is in his mid 70s and works when he can plus has his state pension but my mum retired 10 years ago when she was 50 (she's quite a bit younger than my dad) and is now saying that they have spent all their nest egg. They don't have any assets as they lost their house years ago as they were on an interest only mortgage. They got to keep the market increase in the houses value when they sold so I assumed with that money plus my mum's two private pensions that she had figured out she had enough to retire. My dad has never been good with money and has never saved for his retirement but his plan was to keep working.

My dad has had a recent health scare and has been unable to work for a few months which lead to my mum calling me yesterday saying they have no money, cant pay their rent and they are now getting bank charges and could I take on some of the financial burden. I am an only child so have no siblings to help but I have two kids of my own, a mortgage that is due to double in a few months because of the rising interest rates and my outgoings are spiralling out of control with rising living costs...we are barely scraping by as it is...and its only due to get worse.

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.
I don't understand what her long term plan is? I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood and we don't really talk or communicate very often so they have never been open with me about their finances or life plan.

My mum is my biggest worry. She is only 63! She could conceivably live until her 90s. I cant wrap my head around the fact that her retirement plan seems to have been constantly dipping in to dwindling savings whilst relying on a man in his mid 70s to pay the rent and bills. And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years? We don't have a good relationship so I cant see how she would ever have thought that would be her life plan.

I am now worried sick about how they are going to survive paying rent, spiralling bills etc but I don't feel its the right thing to do to help them. If I help this month what about next month? And next year? And the next 20 years?

If I were to help them in any way short / long term it would be a drop in the ocean compared to what they need to cover themselves every month (their rent alone is £2k a month) and would negatively impact my own financial safety and that of my children's. I feel utterly torn and lost and just cant believe their stupidity and not planning for / seeing this coming!

Is anyone else out there dealing with this?? Or does anyone have any advice at all xxxx

A couple clueless or feckless enough to take on an interest-only mortgage with no realistic plan for paying the capital back at the end of the term are not likely to have been very clued up about retirement dates, to be honest.

If she retired at 50 and is now 63 she probably thought she was going to get the state pension at 60, a lot of women got caught out. A group has tried to take the government to court but with no luck. At 63 she will need to get a job, unfortunately it’s not so easy to get a job at 63 as a lot of employees just see your age on the CV and ignore. The rent seems very high they will need to move to some were smaller.

63 isn't elderly! It isn't close, unless someone has a long-term illness or disability. I'm 73 and I still work.

You're not being cruel at all to tell her to get a job. If she tried to claim benefits, they would expect her to job search, though if she has a private pension, she probably isn't eligible.

She absolutely isn't your responsibility.

£2000 rent sounds a lot - presumably they can downsize to smaller place if there are only 2 of them. I bet they could cut that in half. Do they both get state pension? They need to see if there are any benefits they can claim or your mum needs to work for a few more years. You shouldn’t make yourself poor to help them as you have your own family to support. You can best help them by seeing where they can cut costs and if they are entitled to anything they are not claiming.

Saturday job, maybe? I have a dim memory that when I started my Saturday job back in the mid 1970s when I was 15 I didn't pay any NI. That only became due once I turned 16.

She will need to find a job as she is technically of working age. I assume her retirement age is 67?

Even if she applies for benefits if she is fit and able they will push her to find work or her benefits will be stopped.

Finding work at 63 after an absence of 13 years out of the workplace won't be easy. You should started discussing with her what she can do?

You also need to get them to downsize into cheaper premises before the debt spirals out of control.

No need to put the age on the CV. Age discrimination is illegal, though I accept it's probably not very well policed.

I had a Saturday job in the late 90s & payed NI at 17

Supermarkets are taking anyone at the moment but she may need help to apply as all online now. All my local supermarkets employ people in their 60’s. Oldest lady is 80!
I walked into a carer job after years of caring for disabled child at home full time. No references or recent experience either. Vacancies abound at the moment and it’s good to be among other people, earning, having a purpose! Employment agencies can make a good start, get you in quick working somewhere. The Universal Credit people are also very good at helping you find work or training just got to ask.

Nor would,I, or my own dps

They need to sort this out not you

My parents both retired in their early 60’s - in my Dad’s case that was a few years early on health grounds, in my mum’s it was a few years beyond retirement age, she carried on because she enjoyed it. They owned the house outright, my Dad had a good pension, my mum a smaller one, and when my Dad died my mum inherited a substantial sum.

She managed to blow through it in 10 years, and now has to manage on her pension. Including her share of my Dad’s pension, her total monthly income is more than DH and I together were bringing in when we were working. So perfectly comfortable as long as she adjusted her habits - and she has done so. She has not asked my sisters or me for anything - although one sister did offer to lend her some money for a one off expense, which she accepted, but has now paid it all back. I offered to help her reduce her energy bills by adjusting central heating controls and identifying wasteful devices etc.

DH and I retired at 61 and 57. We have a sustainable plan for supporting ourselves (mixture of pensions and investments) for the rest of our lives without asking anyone for anything. If the inflation/cost of living situation got so bad that we were using our capital up faster than was sustainable, we would a) be aware of it (because I monitor all that stuff); b) cut back on spending; c) if necessary, get a job.

Or indeed she's talking about having had her first Saturday job at 15! In which case lots of people who did A levels and several degrees and didn't work full time until their mid 20s have also worked since they were 15, or 14 (it did used to be a lot easier to get a Saturday job at 14, 30 or 40 years ago)!

We've already been through this. The law was changed in 1995 -she's had 27 years to adjust to the fact that she can't retire at 60.

I assume her retirement age is 67?

I think it will be 66 - my DH’s is, and he’s 62.

I finished school at 15 in 2008.

In year 11 the school finishes after you do your gcses in may/June. I was born in August so finished at 15.

Actually if you are summer born you do technically leave at 15 (before you had to stay in education or training until 18) in 1989 I left school at 15 but obviously only a few months before turning 16 but ….

Or she is exagerating as another tool to manipulate the OP. "ALL THOSE YEARS I worked to put food in your belly and clothes on your back and I cant even have a retirement!!"

I'm so sorry, this is awful. They need proper advice to sort things out.

Sorry you are going through this OP. For what it's worth, I am 63 and still work full-time just as I always have. You should not feel sorry for her because she has to get a job, unless she has real health problems that is perfectly possible and by far the best option. She'll just have to get used to the idea and accept that her financial planning has been exceptionally poor. It is not your problem.

It was pretty much the same story with my dad. Financially reckless, he had an interest mortgage when he could have well have afforded repayment, he spent the equity when he sold, he had next to no retirement savings, despite earning well his entire career. He wanted to move in with me, but there was no way that was happening, he's not a particularly nice man! I did find him a flat though, there's actually quite a lot of really quite affordable retirement flats to rent through various housing associations and charities. I found one quite quickly that he could afford on his state pension. Of course he hated the idea, having lived in large houses for most of his adult life, but he had no choice. He eventually moved in with a woman to her house (more fool her), but that's by the by. Could you do similar for your parents, so help, but not financially?

Don't bail her out, it's a drop in the ocean and will just enable her to kick the can down the road. And don't get involved with the house hunting either, as reality starts to bite and she realises that she cannot continue to enjoy the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed- even if she deigns to get a job at Tesco- she'll probably be even more bitter and resentful and self pitying, and will dump all the negativity and guilt on you instead of sucking it up.

Going on propertypal and typing in her new budget and looking at the search results is not going to be a happy experience for somebody who has been living in fantasyland, you don't wanna be anywhere near that ball of whinging entitled misery looking for somebody to throw blame onto when the cold truth dawns.

😁 at the Hyacinth Bucket reference upthread

@Nanalisa60 “If she retired at 50 and is now 63 she probably thought she was going to get the state pension at 60, a lot of women got caught out.”

You reckon she got caught out when the start of the change was April 2010, and she retired at 50, 13 years ago - so around 2009? 🤣

This. And rent a cheaper place.

“you don't wanna be anywhere near that ball of whinging entitled misery looking for somebody to throw blame onto when the cold truth dawns.”

That made me laugh 😭

Ladies in their late 50s and early 60s need more than 35 years NI contributions, she needs to check her State Pension Forecast.

the 35 years contributions are from people starting now.

not fair, but it is what it is