My retired mum has run out of money at 63!!!!!!

[Lilu1660]

I don't know where to turn to and not managed to tell my SO yet but my mum has told me that she and my dad have no savings left and cant pay their rent or bills this month or for the foreseeable.

My dad is in his mid 70s and works when he can plus has his state pension but my mum retired 10 years ago when she was 50 (she's quite a bit younger than my dad) and is now saying that they have spent all their nest egg. They don't have any assets as they lost their house years ago as they were on an interest only mortgage. They got to keep the market increase in the houses value when they sold so I assumed with that money plus my mum's two private pensions that she had figured out she had enough to retire. My dad has never been good with money and has never saved for his retirement but his plan was to keep working.

My dad has had a recent health scare and has been unable to work for a few months which lead to my mum calling me yesterday saying they have no money, cant pay their rent and they are now getting bank charges and could I take on some of the financial burden. I am an only child so have no siblings to help but I have two kids of my own, a mortgage that is due to double in a few months because of the rising interest rates and my outgoings are spiralling out of control with rising living costs...we are barely scraping by as it is...and its only due to get worse.

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.
I don't understand what her long term plan is? I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood and we don't really talk or communicate very often so they have never been open with me about their finances or life plan.

My mum is my biggest worry. She is only 63! She could conceivably live until her 90s. I cant wrap my head around the fact that her retirement plan seems to have been constantly dipping in to dwindling savings whilst relying on a man in his mid 70s to pay the rent and bills. And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years? We don't have a good relationship so I cant see how she would ever have thought that would be her life plan.

I am now worried sick about how they are going to survive paying rent, spiralling bills etc but I don't feel its the right thing to do to help them. If I help this month what about next month? And next year? And the next 20 years?

If I were to help them in any way short / long term it would be a drop in the ocean compared to what they need to cover themselves every month (their rent alone is £2k a month) and would negatively impact my own financial safety and that of my children's. I feel utterly torn and lost and just cant believe their stupidity and not planning for / seeing this coming!

Is anyone else out there dealing with this?? Or does anyone have any advice at all xxxx

Wow. She chose to not work from 50. You don't need to get involved just say financially you can't so she will need to get advice.
Let her get the advice and they will say the same about getting a job. Everyone is stretched at the moment so don't feel bad

Well she can't stay at home and live in a property that's 2k a month.

That's simple.

So she has a choice to make.

Yep this was my mum. Does my head in. She could easily have carried on working but chose not to. She frets about money but opted not to earn any!

They may get help from Universal credit with a high rent but it will be capped at the one bedroom local authority rate for their area. Unfortunately private pension and state pension will be deducted pound for pound from any Universal credit award so mixed age couples such as your parents end up a lot worse off under Uc than they would have done under the old system of pension credits and housing benefit.

This.

Put it in writing.

And make it clear she chose to 'retire' at 50 knowing she didn't have the money to do so. You cannot and will not be able to fund her stupid choice. If she strops and stays NC, take that as a win.

I expect she thought she’d get her state pension at 60 and then it was moved back. Perhaps her planning was around this, a lot of her age group are in a similar position.

Your mum and dad sound idiotic OP.

My XH is heading the same way. He stopped work once we divorced 6 years ago and has been scrounging off his GF ever since. At 61 he is pissing his capital up the wall on a series of hairbrained ideas. I know he’s got his sums wrong and will be destitute. I’ve warned my DC that he will go broke and expect their support. Whether they decide to do so is entirely their choice, but I simply don’t believe that feckless parents have any right at all to expect their DC to step up. ESPECIALLY if they use emotional manipulation to do so.

Leave them to it.

This isn't your problem, though is it?

It's your parent's issue to sort out, as a couple.

As others have said, if they are spending £24K pa on rent, plus bills, that is unsustainable on a low income. Your mum won't be eligible for her state pension for some time yet and if she hasn't paid the full NI all her working life, she won't get much anyway.

Maybe you could suggest they go to the CAB for some financial advice?

No, doesn't look like there was any planning at all. She was 37 in 1995 when her SPA changed from 60 to 65. She chose to give up work at 50 - 13 years after this change, 10 years before her original SPA and 15 years before her new SPA. Her SPA has only gone up one year to 66 since then.

The rules around that were changed many years ago though.

I am older than the OP mum, I was told many years before retirement that my pension would not be paid till I was 66.

And if she only worked to age 50 she is unlikely to get much state pension anyway.

That still doesn't explain why she stopped working at 50. And they moved the state pension age for women from 60 to 65 in 1995 - long before she stopped working.

@CecilyP i thought this change was in 2011? Not as early as 1995. I could be wrong, all this age group have been campaigning abt the short notice?

Exactly @Clymene . She would have known the state pension age when she was in her late 30s!

Your mother is responsible for her own money and situation. Why on earth should she not work and at least try.

I suspect if she has given up at 50 unless she was a high earner who puts lots into her pension pot there wont be a lot there on the private pension side.

I have worked over 35 years and took my pension a little earlier than expected but I was a high earner. I am still working now but not in the same role.

Funny how some people dont realise that the more you put in the more you get out

It's irrelevant really because the state pension on full contributions (meaning you work for at least 35 years and pay the full NI) is around £9K pa.

This even with the dad's pension won't cover rent of £24K pa.

She's a sponger. Don't get sucked in!

This is awful of her. She is emotionally manipulative.
I would just leave her to it. It's her and your Dad's problem to solve.
They got themselves into this mess and will need to get themselves out of it.
You cannot afford to support them. You've told her that. And that is what you need to keep repeating if she brings it up again. There is no way you should be risking your own financial stability and that of your children because someone decided to give up work 15 years before the state pension age.

Hell's fucking bells. I'm 46. That would mean I would be retiring in 4 years. What the absolute fuck. I'll be working another 20 years at least.
If the work she was doing was too stressful for her or impacting on her health she should have found another job which was more suitable.
But it sounds like a series of extremely poor financial decisions - the interest only mortage for example followed by retiring and living off savings.

I just wonder if she had it in the back of her mind all along that she could get you to help when she ran out of money. She was very quick to say she wished she lived in a community where children took care of their elderly parents. Probably been thinking that all along.

It's outrageous. I'm furious on your behalf OP!

Announcement that the SP age for women was changing to 65 was made by Kenneth Clarke in his 1995 budget. The change to 66 was made in 2011.

I completely understand the guilt, OP, but your parents have created this situation and they need to solve it. It's not your problem, you have your own young family to prioritise. I'm 52 and cannot fathom retiring two years ago unless it was for health reasons!

YANBU I stopped reading when I saw your mum, who is of working age and is fit and healthy, but thinks its cruel for you to suggest she goes back to work.

If she doesn't want to work, then she should accept that she will have no money. Simple

You’re wrong, it was part of the State Pension Act 1995 so 15 years notice.

The WASPI campaign is specifically around their claim that women born in the 50s did not have enough notice. OP’s mum was born in 1959/60. Even if you support their campaign, it’s actually not that relevant.

OP’s mum isn’t a 63yo who ever thought she’d have to work until 65 and has worked 3 extra years already.

She decided top stop at 50 - when the SPA some 15 years later was well known to her!

The WASPI claim is that that cohort wasn’t informed until late. But OP’s mum sure as hell was informed when the lazy mare chucked her job in!

You have no reason to feel guilty. I don’t know anyone who retired at 50 that wasn’t wealthy enough to do so. 63 is far from elderly and she must’ve known for a while that the money was almost gone. £2k a month on rent is ridiculous when they could get by with a one bedroom flat for less than half that.

The bottom line is, OP, you CANNOT help them. You simply do not have the money. So however much your mum tries to guilt trip you, there’s nothing to feel guilty about!

You aren’t making a choice not to give them money, you haven’t got any to give.

And getting into debt to help them would be even more stupid and irresponsible than the choices your parents have made.

Try not to burden yourself with worry and guilt. There is no point: There is plenty they can do for themselves, we have a welfare state so there is no reason they will starve on the streets, and there is nothing you can do.

So give them advice from this thread and hold your head high that despite having been brought up by such flakes you are working hard to do right by your own kids.

she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents

those communities also help there dc out so...