My retired mum has run out of money at 63!!!!!!

[Lilu1660]

I don't know where to turn to and not managed to tell my SO yet but my mum has told me that she and my dad have no savings left and cant pay their rent or bills this month or for the foreseeable.

My dad is in his mid 70s and works when he can plus has his state pension but my mum retired 10 years ago when she was 50 (she's quite a bit younger than my dad) and is now saying that they have spent all their nest egg. They don't have any assets as they lost their house years ago as they were on an interest only mortgage. They got to keep the market increase in the houses value when they sold so I assumed with that money plus my mum's two private pensions that she had figured out she had enough to retire. My dad has never been good with money and has never saved for his retirement but his plan was to keep working.

My dad has had a recent health scare and has been unable to work for a few months which lead to my mum calling me yesterday saying they have no money, cant pay their rent and they are now getting bank charges and could I take on some of the financial burden. I am an only child so have no siblings to help but I have two kids of my own, a mortgage that is due to double in a few months because of the rising interest rates and my outgoings are spiralling out of control with rising living costs...we are barely scraping by as it is...and its only due to get worse.

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.
I don't understand what her long term plan is? I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood and we don't really talk or communicate very often so they have never been open with me about their finances or life plan.

My mum is my biggest worry. She is only 63! She could conceivably live until her 90s. I cant wrap my head around the fact that her retirement plan seems to have been constantly dipping in to dwindling savings whilst relying on a man in his mid 70s to pay the rent and bills. And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years? We don't have a good relationship so I cant see how she would ever have thought that would be her life plan.

I am now worried sick about how they are going to survive paying rent, spiralling bills etc but I don't feel its the right thing to do to help them. If I help this month what about next month? And next year? And the next 20 years?

If I were to help them in any way short / long term it would be a drop in the ocean compared to what they need to cover themselves every month (their rent alone is £2k a month) and would negatively impact my own financial safety and that of my children's. I feel utterly torn and lost and just cant believe their stupidity and not planning for / seeing this coming!

Is anyone else out there dealing with this?? Or does anyone have any advice at all xxxx

Amazing how many ( usually women) have never worked since their fifties. Could understand it if they were caring for relatives but so many aren't. I do benefit checks for over 50's as part of my job and am always shocked how many ring for benefit checks and aren't working and it doesn't seem to have even crossed their mind that working may be a solution. Or they give up work for some minor health issue which is never going to qualify them for a disability benefit.

@PorridgewithQuark Agreed. We don't make elderly ill people sleep in doorways because their retirement planning was not as good as it could have been.

I think I'd change that a bit to:

If I helped you, it would get me into debt too, wouldn't it? And I don't have spare money to help you, in any case.

It wouldn't be a one-off either, would it? If they've run out of money, they'd need help EVERY month.

Yes, absolutely.

Then they draw pensions for 40 years while saying everyone else is an unworthy benefits claimant 😂

@Babyroobs The problem is what you might see as a minor health issue may be having a large impact. Also this age group, of which I am one, often still hide mental health issues from outsiders. My mum stopped working at 58 for what looked to outsiders like a minor mobility issue. In reality she had crippling anxiety.

They won’t be sleeping in doorways, they’ll just be skint and living in a one bed flat. What lifestyle do you think everyone is entitled to as a basic human right? And who should pay for it?

Or how about the phrase: “you’re having a fucking laugh” 😆

@Cuppasoupmonster No they don't because they are not yet entitled to pensions unless they take a private one early. More commonly they live off the wages of their husband.

And if she claims Universal credit and has no health conditions, she will be made to look for 35 hours work per week and likely a work coach will not be lenient. The only way of avoiding this is if oyur dad qualifies for a disability benefit and she provides 35 hours of care a week for him and then would have no work commitments based on being a carer. Why has your dad just been ok with her for not working for years, did he not feel resentful or have her pensions been enough to cover her share of costs? My dh got the hump even when I stopped work to look for another job when I was really unhappy in my last job ! I think a lot of older men still have the mindset that they have to provide for their wives !

I was responding to the poster who said that they "shouldn't be entitled to anything".

They will get the same benefits anyone would.
So OPs mother will have to look for work but will sign on and get UC - depending on how much the pensions are, she may not be entitled to anything.
Her father will get state pension.

The state pension age was 60 before 1995. Any woman in their 90s now has been claiming the state pension for 30+ years.

@Babyroobs Why does it matter? If they could afford to have her not working then that was their choice. The mistake they made was a common one I see on MN with all those who claim mid 70s is still young and of course most people can still work then. A lot of people deny the impact of ageing until it happens to them.

Exactly.

Only if they're old enough to have qualified for a state pension at 60 and lived to be 100 - this did apply to a few women who went back to being housewives after WW2 (which was what society and the government encouraged then as women were expected to budge up and make room in the labour market for the men coming back from the war) but there won't be many still alive...

@Cuppasoupmonster I thought you were talking about the OPs parents, not people in their nineties now.
Yeah lazy bastards, get them out to work!

This is a good idea. This kind of accomodation is certainly easier to come by in the area I live in.

I think she's struggling to face the fact that she will have to get a job. No excuse for her rudeness, however.
My mother is 67 and still working and in a far better financial position.

I dont understand really. They have his state pension and her private pension with her state pension soon to begin. They are in a better financial position than many many pensioners who dont have savings either.
They need to move somewhere cheaper and smaller, and consider part time working.
They chose to blow their savings in early retirement which is fine, but once the savings are gone you have to match your lifestyle to your income level (like everyone else!!).

I’m not saying we should send them down the mine, just the hypocrisy of calling other people ‘benefit spongers’ after claiming 30+ years of a state pension having only worked a few sketchy years here and there themselves, is laughable.

They might be entitled to nothing except state pension for him.
But of course, they should get benefits if they are entitled. Like anyone unemployed OPs mother will have to take up work, so should be in a job soon anyway.

Clearly they couldn't afford it though could they ?

I’d agree with that poster. Someone who’s fit and healthy (physically and mentally) and able to work should forego any right to benefits if they choose not to work.

As has been said for thousands of years “he who will not work, neither shall he eat.”

They definitely need to look into over 60s accommodation - something that gives them security for the rest of their lives.