My retired mum has run out of money at 63!!!!!!

[Lilu1660]

I don't know where to turn to and not managed to tell my SO yet but my mum has told me that she and my dad have no savings left and cant pay their rent or bills this month or for the foreseeable.

My dad is in his mid 70s and works when he can plus has his state pension but my mum retired 10 years ago when she was 50 (she's quite a bit younger than my dad) and is now saying that they have spent all their nest egg. They don't have any assets as they lost their house years ago as they were on an interest only mortgage. They got to keep the market increase in the houses value when they sold so I assumed with that money plus my mum's two private pensions that she had figured out she had enough to retire. My dad has never been good with money and has never saved for his retirement but his plan was to keep working.

My dad has had a recent health scare and has been unable to work for a few months which lead to my mum calling me yesterday saying they have no money, cant pay their rent and they are now getting bank charges and could I take on some of the financial burden. I am an only child so have no siblings to help but I have two kids of my own, a mortgage that is due to double in a few months because of the rising interest rates and my outgoings are spiralling out of control with rising living costs...we are barely scraping by as it is...and its only due to get worse.

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.
I don't understand what her long term plan is? I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood and we don't really talk or communicate very often so they have never been open with me about their finances or life plan.

My mum is my biggest worry. She is only 63! She could conceivably live until her 90s. I cant wrap my head around the fact that her retirement plan seems to have been constantly dipping in to dwindling savings whilst relying on a man in his mid 70s to pay the rent and bills. And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years? We don't have a good relationship so I cant see how she would ever have thought that would be her life plan.

I am now worried sick about how they are going to survive paying rent, spiralling bills etc but I don't feel its the right thing to do to help them. If I help this month what about next month? And next year? And the next 20 years?

If I were to help them in any way short / long term it would be a drop in the ocean compared to what they need to cover themselves every month (their rent alone is £2k a month) and would negatively impact my own financial safety and that of my children's. I feel utterly torn and lost and just cant believe their stupidity and not planning for / seeing this coming!

Is anyone else out there dealing with this?? Or does anyone have any advice at all xxxx

Not all of them, obviously. But there are an awful lot that are.

And also in the meantime they can look for a flat to rent - even for retirement flats for over 55s in the south east of England they could half their rent and they start at about £750/pcm for a one bed place.

Retiring at 50 😂 what world is she living in!! She has been incredibly foolish and her pride is getting in the way of rational thought. I bet she felt smug when she retired early and now has egg on her face admitting she made a mistake and will have to go back to work. Don’t engage with her stupidity, just let her work it out for herself - she is a grown up after all.

This isn't your responsibility, OP. If they can't afford the rent they need to move to a cheaper place and if they can't afford to live day to day they need to claim benefits or she can go to work.

Do not let her make you feel bad, this is her own mess. You look after yourself and your family and make sure you're all secure, don't give her a penny or offer to take them in because it sounds like that's where it could head and tbh sounds like a Nightmare. Lots of places she can go for advice, MABS and citizens advice are good. Wishing you all the best .

What job did she used to do?

I am 55, so only a few years younger than your mum.
I still have 2 teenagers at home!
My own parents are in their 80s and still independent.

She seems to have put herslef into the wrong generation!

Why did she retire at 50 ffs ! I'm nearly 50 and I'm not old !

She is lazy and needs to step up .. don't feel
Obliged to sub them . If they have nothing there are benefits to claim but it's up to them!

Why do they think you should bail them out?! Madness !

My parents downsized and downsized as they both only ever earned average income and had very small private pensions on top of the state pension. They bought a park home eventually and lived pretty cheaply, only having to pay the reasonable service charge.

Just re read the bottom part !! Why so their rent £2k a month ?? They should live in the smallest place they can find and hopefully the LA will tell them that ! It's not fair that someone can expect to get benefits if they choose to retire at 50 with no plan ..

She’d have no trouble finding bar work, waitressing, or shop work. Delivery driving shouldn’t be hard to get either.

Your mum has enjoyed 13 years of not working and is not even retirement age yet! She needs to get a job. They also need to move to a much cheaper house. I would firmly state that you're worried about your own finances so absolutely cannot afford to help them financially. If you feel you should help them in some way then offer practical support such as helping look for a different rental property, assisting with job applications or looking into benefits. Although personally I think you owe them nothing as it was such a stupid decision to retire at 50 with no good reason.

Personally I wouldn’t help as this will simply foster your Mum’s neediness and dependency. I also had a deeply traumatic childhood and felt nothing I ever did was good enough. My Mum emptied her bank account and gave all her savings to a cat charity soon after being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Although her illness may have played a part she was deemed to have capacity at the time. My parents never helped me financially even though I was their only child. Although I never expected any money her actions felt extremely hurtful. She’s now at a stage where she needs residential care and what she did is going to have far reaching repercussions which I refuse to have any part in.

She may well be unable to find work, but she can at least try!

Gosh what a situation. There is a story on the BBC website today about this exact issue - www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-63389860.

50 does seem very young to retire & surely it means you mum will get less of a state pension also as she isn't paying NI.

I work in mortgages and we put all our clients retirement ages down as 70 now as most people take mortgages out for 35/40 yrs these days so they will likely be 70 before they can retire.

My DH is 60 & works 45/50 hours a week & we have a 13yrs old daughter!

Can't see any other solution other than to get a job. I think if you are under state pension age you have to work to be eligible for benefits.

I know it’s often minimum wage jobs that are having trouble recruiting and it may not be what she’s used to do, but needs must in a crisis!

Supermarkets pay £10.50/£11 an hour - over living wage rates. She could get £11k a year on a 20 hour contract- that would surely see them right with state pension from DH and reducing their rent.

*i am astonished at how many people on this thread think a 63 year old who has been unemployed for over a decade will be able to find work.
Age discrimination is a real thing that kicks in from late 40s for women, and definitely past 50. ( and men at this age). The research on this is crystal clear.

Your mum has very little chance!*

Temporary work. Stacking shelves, filing, whatever. Companies don't care how old a temp is because you're a short term hire to do a specific job. They want you to reliably turn up and do the job for a short amount of time. I temped for years in my fifties and early sixties and had several offers to go permanent because I did a good job.

She could also sign up for a local cleaning agency.

They won't get pension credit because she is not at retirement age.

shops are probably a good place to start this time of year. Ditto care work (not this time of year, always)

Don't let her manipulate you. They are not your responsibility. They have options, it's up to them if they choose not to make the right choices.

This is not your problem to fix OP.
Your parents are adults and have options. They need to take responsibility for their own lives.

Hopefully this is what they are doing now since they haven't got back in touch.

If they ask again for your help I would advise them to talk to CAB.

Yes, that’s another good idea. We’re paying £16 per hour for our cleaners now, that’s quite a decent amount.

Then there’s child minding, taxi driving, school dinner lady…

Why has she made this YOUR problem? She needs to get off her arse and get a job.

And apply for benefits.

£2,000 a month rent is ridiculous. They can easily find somewhere cheaper.

There are loads of care jobs available; and 2000 a month on rent is crazy; they'll have to downsize and maybe relocate to a different area. But these are their problems, not yours.

It the Christmas hiring season for supermarkets- she can find temp work and this should lead to something more permanent..... Oh and as everyone else as said don't give her any money, don't act as a guarantor and try not to feel guilty (its all on them....)