My retired mum has run out of money at 63!!!!!!

[Lilu1660]

I don't know where to turn to and not managed to tell my SO yet but my mum has told me that she and my dad have no savings left and cant pay their rent or bills this month or for the foreseeable.

My dad is in his mid 70s and works when he can plus has his state pension but my mum retired 10 years ago when she was 50 (she's quite a bit younger than my dad) and is now saying that they have spent all their nest egg. They don't have any assets as they lost their house years ago as they were on an interest only mortgage. They got to keep the market increase in the houses value when they sold so I assumed with that money plus my mum's two private pensions that she had figured out she had enough to retire. My dad has never been good with money and has never saved for his retirement but his plan was to keep working.

My dad has had a recent health scare and has been unable to work for a few months which lead to my mum calling me yesterday saying they have no money, cant pay their rent and they are now getting bank charges and could I take on some of the financial burden. I am an only child so have no siblings to help but I have two kids of my own, a mortgage that is due to double in a few months because of the rising interest rates and my outgoings are spiralling out of control with rising living costs...we are barely scraping by as it is...and its only due to get worse.

I suggested maybe she go back to work (she is totally fit and healthy) but she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents. She has not answered my calls or texts since.
I don't understand what her long term plan is? I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood and we don't really talk or communicate very often so they have never been open with me about their finances or life plan.

My mum is my biggest worry. She is only 63! She could conceivably live until her 90s. I cant wrap my head around the fact that her retirement plan seems to have been constantly dipping in to dwindling savings whilst relying on a man in his mid 70s to pay the rent and bills. And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years? We don't have a good relationship so I cant see how she would ever have thought that would be her life plan.

I am now worried sick about how they are going to survive paying rent, spiralling bills etc but I don't feel its the right thing to do to help them. If I help this month what about next month? And next year? And the next 20 years?

If I were to help them in any way short / long term it would be a drop in the ocean compared to what they need to cover themselves every month (their rent alone is £2k a month) and would negatively impact my own financial safety and that of my children's. I feel utterly torn and lost and just cant believe their stupidity and not planning for / seeing this coming!

Is anyone else out there dealing with this?? Or does anyone have any advice at all xxxx

Should have added - don't give her any money - it will never be enough. from keeping them in their house etc (if you could afford it- i know you can't) it would become "We need a holiday", "The car 's old - it needs replacing" etc.

She will not be appreciative and it will never stop.

Well, I guess by page 13 you don’t need any more people telling you not to give her any money?!!!

But, you’re going to feel guilty and she’s going to pressure you - so I think the more people telling you not to give money, the better!

She’s going to just fine.

• first she’ll screw over her landlord by defaulting on rent (not all landlords are rich arseholes) and living for free until eviction goes through
• then her age will mean she’s rehoused by the LA - apart from the vulnerability, some areas have more of a surplus of over 55s social housing
• then she’ll get pension credit to top up the state pension she qualify fully for, because she decided to stop working at 50

The last thing I’d do is worry about her - she’ll come up smelling of roses and totally working all the safety nets available.

Oh and her private pensions may well be DB pensions and small but still in payment for life - don’t underestimate she’ll have more than she’s letting on.

The most I’d do for her is give her the numbers for Shelter, CAB, Age Concern and her LA housing department. Job done.

Tell your mother that you have your own struggles and children to support. She either goes to work or they apy for benefand learn to life of that. Had she kept working until retirement age she would have built a bigger nest egg but she chose to retire early and blow the money.

I can understand wanting to take a break from work after 35 years . I had a friend who did it about that age after she was made redundant and she took a year out to relax a bit and think about her next step there was never any thought of not going back to work. Even though she had a good pension and could have taken it at the time

Pretty much my situation and I'm older than OPs mum (and planning back to work in the NY to boost savings and pension). OTOH my mother retired in her 50s, emigrated and then spent years telling us how bored she was. Like OP's mum, mine wasn't a great one for thinking things through.

Sorry OP but do not help them. You can’t retire at 50 and expect to be funded for the rest of your life. Yes it’s crap but they need to: work if possible, claim benefits, rent somewhere cheaper and seriously adjust their lifestyles. Your priority is your own immediate family.

I have a very strained relationship with my parents due to having endured a pretty poor childhood

she told me I was being 'cruel' and 'unhelpful' and she wishes she belonged to a community where children took care of their elderly parents.

And now that he cant work, is her plan to now put that financial pressure on to me? Or worse, to come and live with us for the next 20-30 years?

OP I'm guessing that these things are all linked, and that your mother's approach has always been to put herself and her wants before your needs. Other than that he can't now work you haven't said much about your dad, he sounds like he takes an easy come easy go attitude to money, but now it's not easy come they're in the shit.

This is not your problem. There's no debate about whether you can/should help them, you can't afford to. You're already only just managing. How would you help them? Take out a loan? Please don't go there. Make it clear you can't. And then leave them to work it out for themselves.

Give them no money, and as PPs have said Do Not agree to be a guarantor for their rent. If they were sneaky once sign you up for that they could then just say they're not paying it. Which means you'd be stuck with it. And again you can't afford it.

Try to stop being worried sick. This is their problem to solve not yours.

They need to move somewhere cheaper and apply for benefits I eligible and then cut their cloth accordingly

The last thing I’d do is worry about her - she’ll come up smelling of roses and totally working all the safety nets available

Reminds me of what someone said about my ex in a different context - 'he'll always land on someone's feet.' (Rather than his own).

Realistically your mum is very unlikely to find work, regardless of how fit and healthy she is. She needs to get herself to CAB or similar and see what benefits she is entitled to.

Heavens, no!

Do not act as guarantor - she'll go through your money quicker than her own.

Point them towards the moneysaving expert forums and leave them to it.

Her lack of financial reponsibility is not your problem.

She chose to take the last 13 years off. She lives with the consequences of her choice to be lazy.

Just tell her that you're planning to take the next 13 years off and can't afford it.

Do not give them any of your money, do not put your name on anything legal/lending/guarantor etc.

You are not responsible for their bad planning.

Blimey. Take them to Citizen's Advice.

Obviously you will worry but it’s not your problem.
the bottom line is that she needs to get a job and probably downsize her home.

she'll go through your money quicker than her own

This is 100% true.

I can't get over the £2k a month rent. Where do they live - Kensington?

i am astonished at how many people on this thread think a 63 year old who has been unemployed for over a decade will be able to find work.

Age discrimination is a real thing that kicks in from late 40s for women, and definitely past 50. ( and men at this age). The research on this is crystal clear.

Your mum has very little chance!

She needs to look at benefits and accept she needs to move to a more affordable property.

Nope. Give them the address maybe. Or just say, “oh - why not go to Citizens Advice?”
The fuck should OP make this another job for her. It’s not like her mum hasn’t got the time, hey?

She'll just need to get a job. Sounds like she had no means to retire at that age!

Lots of good advice on this thread. Don’t feel guilty about not being able to assist financially. They’re not looking for a bit of one-off help, but a long term commitment few could realistically afford. Don’t feel bad about it, the best you can do is offer some of the advice you’ve had here. (Moving to a cheaper place, going back to work etc). They’re not going to like it, but frankly that’s their problem to solve and a consequence of their own actions.

Lois
Griffith
Betsan

Wrong thread, sorry

It won't be impossible for her to get a job at 63 even if she hasn't worked for a while. Lots of places are struggling to recruit and less picky at the moment and she will at least be able to get a temporary Christmas job.

So your mum is expecting your 70 year old Dad to work, but can't get off her own backside to earn some money? Wow! YANBU OP!

No offence OP but your dad is a bit of a wet blanket too if he can't stand up to her.

The bottom line is you have no money to help her, even if you wanted to, so she's got three options:

• spend less
• earn more
• or both

None of these options are your problem though.

How far off 50 are you? If you were to follow her example and retire at 50, she'll likely still be alive. I bet she wouldn't want you to retire at 50 if you were "keeping" her.

Your relationship with your mum particularly may be further damaged by this, but I don't see how you could even try and help given your own financial situation. From that perspective you're in a lose-lose situation. All you can do is protect yourself, your family and your future.

By the way, to people saying the OP’s mum has little chance of a getting job at 63, I don’t think that’s necessarily the case at the moment. Lots of supermarkets are taking on older workers for example and the hospitality industry is crying out for staff. I know it’s often minimum wage jobs that are having trouble recruiting and it may not be what she’s used to do, but needs must in a crisis!