AIBU To call this sexual harassment/report to school

[PronounMadness]

Year 7 kids (aged 11/12).

Boy says to girl sat next to him in class - unsolicited - “would you rather suck John’s dick or Mary’s tits?”

John and Mary are both sat at the same table and hear this.

Several friends think this is sexual harassment and should be reported. Girl involved doesn’t want it to happen again or escalate and is happy to discuss with teacher. One or two friends agree it is inappropriate but don’t consider it sexual harassment as those involved are all children, not adults.

So, AIBU, and WWYD?

As an ex secondary headteacher, I would advise the parent to take responsibility and contact the head of year.

And yes, it IS sexual harassment and appalling behaviour that needs immediate action.

I wouldn't consider it to be harassment due to their ages and due to it seemingly be a one off comment, highly inappropriate of course and should not be allowed to slide. It should be raised with HoY for follow up with all children involved and their parents.

Of course it's sexual harassment. Failure to deal with it in the workplace could result in a court case so it absolutely needs to be tackled in school.

As we don't know who you are, I can't really vote.

It's child on child sexual harassment. The school has a further problem if the children don't recognise what it is!

Yes escalate.

Definitely sexual harassment and this has been highlighted as an issue in this year’s Keeping Children Safe In Education so schools should be ready to act. It’s also a potential red flag that the child who asked the question is subject to sexual abuse so safeguarding might want to know. I’d report.

Right i'm prepared to get disagreed with but i think it's normal for kids their age to think that they are funny by saying things like this. I think it's part immaturity and just wanting to impress people and sound big, which is common for 12 year olds. I don't think formal action needs to be taken

Sorry just seen your title! Doh.

Have voted YANBU

Borderline at this age. The kids are too old for the behaviour to be ignored and there certainly should be some serious comeback. But sticking the label of sexual predator on kids of this age is a bit extreme, if it's a first offence. They need to be shown in no uncertain terms that such behaviour is intolerable and inappropriate and their parents should definitely be told.

It is sexual harassment as the person who said it will be getting kicks out of the situation.

It might be common behaviour, but it is 100% sexual harassment. It absolutely needs to be dealt with / not tolerated

That's definitely sexual harassment; I'm not sure why anyone would think the perpetrator is "too young". Most boys of 11/12 have been exposed to porn, some of them to a lot of very nasty porn. The perpetrator could well have been abused himself. I'd insist on the school's head of safeguarding being involved. I'd probably also report it to the child safeguarding section of my local council. Sexual predators are made, not born, and they and their parents/guardians need to learn early on that their behaviour has consequences.

I’m the parent of the girl.

That doesn't matter and yes the children need to be pulled up on it.

Child on Child Abuse. Now has a chapter all to itself in this years KCSiE. Yes it should be reported and yes it is sexual harassment. Schools are failing because they consider shit like this ‘banter’ - they need to take it seriously.

This kind of thing might have been said when I was at school to make fun out of sexuality - I.e. is someone straight or gay. Therefore, I'm not sure it's sexual harrassment as such, but it's definitely discriminatory hectoring and completely inappropriate. Whatever label you stick on it, it needs stamping out. It's a shitty comment and children need to learn it's unacceptable. Report.

This is child on child abuse and should be logged as such by the school, I agree it's common behaviour but it is still COC abuse regardless.

It's also 'normal' for children to push boundaries through disobedience, rudeness, perhaps even shoplifting. But if you don't discipline and demonstrate formal consequences then they grow up criminals.

And law disagrees with you too.

Where did I use the word "predator"? As someone else has said, the latest iteration of KCSIE emphasises the need to deal with sexual harassment by young people on each other.

Girls shouldn't have to put up with this and not dealing with it won't show these boys that it's wrong.

CORRECT.

Context matters. If out of the blue, it's inappropriate sexual behaviour. If it made your daughter feel humiliated or threatened, it's sexual harassment. If it was part of a wider conversation, it would depend on context.

I would respect your daughter's wishes and check that she has raised with the teacher and encourage her to talk to you if anything else happens like this. It's great that she told you.

christ, did none of you attend a standard secondary school?

Of course this isn’t sexual harassment, if you’re the parent of the girl you need to really get a grip fast as this is quite basic shit.

This in spades

We had written lists of everyone’s preferences at that age, people would get asked and it written down on a big sheet that was passed around!

This is incredibly normal, standard and expected behaviour for secondary.

Girls shouldn't have to put up with this and not dealing with it won't show these boys that it's wrong

Exactly
Failure to escalate this and deal with it properly just raises another generation of girls and boys who believe no one give a fck if women are sexually harassed and no one will take action

That's how people grow up to be a complete dickhead though. There is a duty also to the child who made those comments to stop them in their tracks.