AIBU To call this sexual harassment/report to school

[PronounMadness]

Year 7 kids (aged 11/12).

Boy says to girl sat next to him in class - unsolicited - “would you rather suck John’s dick or Mary’s tits?”

John and Mary are both sat at the same table and hear this.

Several friends think this is sexual harassment and should be reported. Girl involved doesn’t want it to happen again or escalate and is happy to discuss with teacher. One or two friends agree it is inappropriate but don’t consider it sexual harassment as those involved are all children, not adults.

So, AIBU, and WWYD?

They aren’t teenagers though.

At secondary school in the 70s used to here this stuff regularly. They had probably heard stuff from older kids and repeated it. We just used laugh, call them gross then get on with our day.
I wouldn't have dreamed of going home and telling my parents!!

I'd discuss with DD around how it made her feel, state that it's not acceptable for someone to speak with her that way etc. I'd also then report it to the school. Not sure I'd call it sexual harassment (only because I would worry that it would be seen as 'dramatic' and undermine my point) but I'd certainly be calling it inappropriate and would expect something to be done about it.

FWIW - I was subjected to this kind of shit at school and it was totally normalised along the lines of 'boys will be boys'. I certainly don't want DC growing up with that outlook.

OP I'd hope your girl would tell him to fuck off and she'd prefer to kick him in the balls.

As for the people on here trying to defend John's behavior !!!!!

My ds 9 said something similar to a girl and he was spoken to by a teacher in school and i gave him a good bollocking at home. He was repeating something his friends had said earlier and was too immature to know the meaning of.
Definitely shouldnt be ignored. But what do you mean by escalating? Police? To tell my son this rhetoric would be a criminal offence if he was an adult seemed to scare him enough..

To those saying this is “normal” or “standard” I think the point is that it shouldn’t be!

How do people think children and teenagers learn what's right and wrong? Do the boys need to "wrong" the girls first, get told off by them, then hopefully not to do it again? That's horrible for the girls. Parents, adults, society etc should be teaching boys that this is not an acceptable way to talk to someone without their permission. Don't leave it up to girls to try to figure out if this is wrong or if they're just supposed to put up with it.

I'm so glad your DD felt comfortable telling you about this OP, and what she feels uncomfortable with. She clearly not afraid to hold her boundaries, which will stand her in good stead as she grows older.

I'd definitely be reporting this to the school, so they could admonish the boy. This is so inappropriate, irrespective of what used to happen in the olden days in schools. If this boy isn't pulled up on this kind of behaviour now, he will escalate.

I agree with this. The problem going down the official route is that there will be a permanent note on the idiot's record, it's a pity that schools aren't able to deal with stupid behaviour like this in a less formal way.
Who didn't say/do something stupid at 11?

In some workplaces the worst offenders have been older women addressing younger men, they're vile in instances I've seen.

So what is your suggestion? Just to leave it?
Personally I’m not such a fan of the “oh well boys will be boys” excuses.

The N and P words have always been racist.

such a false equivalence, an offensive one at that.

Key is it’s not just male behaviour

In this particular example it might be, but I can almost guarantee the OPs daughter will be asked similar by female friends at some point down the road.

when We did this years Keeping Children Safe in Education training at school with the new section on peer on peer abuse 2 out of our department of 6 revealed that they’d been quite horribly sexually assaulted at school. One was me and it was very scary. A boy isolated me into a part of school where no one else went and groped me and was trying to take it further. I was crying my eyes out but told no one because I thought it was my fault. I was year 9 or 10. My friend had a similar story at a different school. That’s what was normal at schools in the 1990s. I don’t want that for the girls or boys at school today.

It's inappropriate but not SH. Kids say this sort of shit not with the intention of obtaining sexual gratification, but because they think it's funny. Boys say it to other boys too. It's gross and wrong, but not label a child as a sexual predator for it. He needs to be told off, but he's not a bloody sex pest.

You need help.

Its not a demand to talk about sex, also many girls that age want to talk about sex, they like to discuss and gossip about it between friends, most is a load of made up BS, but it’s still alarming how you’re trying to link this to choking at 16.

I, like many others on here hide that toxic space as well, I think you’ve spent too long on FWR

Absolutely report it! School has a duty to safeguard.

This year it’s all about peer-on-peer abuse. Not using the phrases “it’s just banter” or “boys will be boys”.

This is where it starts. We need to teach our children that these things are not ok!

This is currently categorised as peer on peer abuse under safeguarding policies.
Report report report.
If everyone ignores these 'harmless' comments this could escalate very quickly.

*sorry child on child as KCSIE updated recently

Yes I would absolutely report to school. The boy needs to learn and learn fast that this kind of thing is not ok. And girls need to learn not to put up with it.

It's not banter. It's not boys being boys. It's SOME boys thinking that it's ok to demean and sexualise girls like this.

Ok, but more VAWG is carried out as adults and late teens by men and young men than girls. But again this seems like you are finding excuses not to tackle this hard when kids are young and say it is just not acceptable. Which it isn’t.
it happens because society has “excused” it just like you for millennia- and it’s about bloody time enough was enough.

I've never known a child get a permanent note on their record for a one off , ill-judged remark
But it needs addressing

I really can't believe the posts on this thread. This is not OK and by people saying its OK they are part of the problem. I never had these issues when I was at school. This boy has no respect for other people and if I found out my son had been so disrespectful to another person like this god help him.

It should definitely be flagged to the HOY 7 as it's completely inappropriate;go back a year and the primary school would have given this lad a good talking to about why this question is inappropriate;that hasn't changed.

You need to give your head a wobble.